I find that I’m somewhat hostile these days. No, hostile is not the right word, it’s more like testy or fragile or something. The smallest thing anyone does has me going off the edge. Mom asked me the other day if I had PMS. That kind of thing. And then sometimes I get into these deep thought depressive type moods. I don’t know, my emotions and thoughts have been all over the place lately. I keep convincing myself that I don’t want to talk to the guy at work. That even if I was single, I probably wouldn’t date him. And why do I want to talk to him so bad. And what would happen if I really was single. And I’m not sure why I keep writing these thoughts in this page but I feel a need to get it out. Like confession or something. And then I think what a selfish prick I am to think of all the wonderful things I have now and I’m not grateful for. And then I think of all the ways Scott has been treating me lately cause he seems like he has PMS lately and it starts the cycle all over. Seems like it’s a constant battle in my mind. Then I think why am I taking everything so seriously? Why do I have to overthink every little word or conversation? I don’t know but at times lately it is driving me up the wall.
I went to the Y tonight and ran/walked for 33 minutes and then did abs and arms. I was there for an hour. It felt so good. Just to listen to music, not have to talk to anyone and not have to think.
Tomorrow Scott is working and I’ll have the kids all day by myself. I’m hoping I don’t go crazy tomorrow. I’m going into work on Wednesday so that will be good to get away for awhile. See, I feel terrible just saying that. But, I am with kids 24 hours a day and with my brain all day and between the two, I can’t seem to get it together. I feel like I need to watch a really, really funny movie and laugh my butt off. I think then I would feel better.