Last night I was starting to have a break down. Scott yelled at me to let go of the remote Lexi had in her hand because she was crying for us to put Dora on and he was going to “handle the situation”. I immediately started crying. I just feel so fragile and out of sorts. Something is just not right. I found a podcast of my old church (Central Church of God with Loran Livingston in Charlotte, NC–PLEASE check it out, it’s awesome) and every time I listen to him I’m in like tears by the end. The two I listened to spoke about finding a local church to belong to and then finding your specific duty within the church so the body can function the way it’s supposed to. We are very involved in church but I’ve never felt completely at home there. I started going there when we got engaged because I knew he would not go to my church because it was so large and far away. We have been heavily involved since the beginning but I’ve always felt like I was missing something not going to Central. But that sermon helped and it was odd that it came from him. He basically said you may hate the pastor or the music or whatever but it may actually NEED you to reach people. So I’m not taking for granted that it’s definitely where we’re supposed to be but I do take comfort in the fact that you don’t have to love every single aspect of the church for it to be where you are SUPPOSED to be. The other one talked from Titus about how people are supposed to act–young/old male/female. Boy that was a little convicting. How I’m supposed to act as a godly woman. Talk about stepping on toes. But now I just feel like I’m hanging out there…am I supposed to quit work, am I supposed to be doing something different within the church, am I the worst mother ever because I have to work while I’m at home with my kids. Just everything. I really feel like I just need to spend time seeking what I’m supposed to be doing. Even if it’s doing what I am now, I just need that confirmation.