I realized as I was writing my post Friday sitting in our van on the way to Maryland that the incident at Sandy Hook Elementary was happening. Time should have stood still and we all somehow should have been alerted to the evil being carried out and stopped it.
We continued this weekend to our destination and carried on with dinners and games and present exchanging. We laughed and told stories and hugged and enjoyed each other. We discussed gun control and mental health and yes, even cried over Friday’s events.
I kept wanting time to stand still and let me grieve but life keeps going.
My grief pops up in the crevices. I cried going to sleep after a long day traveling on Friday. We’d have the news on in between parties and I’d start thinking about the little kids and I’d nearly vomit. This morning on the way to work I was wiping tears listening to a teacher talking about her students questions about it. Back at work, I was at our quarterly meeting and sometimes I’d find myself staring off into space trying to wonder just how this was allowed to happen and what it might be like to experience it myself.
Life keeps going and I can’t stop it.
We’re all grieving in the crevices of our lives. Some of us, though, are experiencing nothing else but grief. My friend, and reader of this site, was directly impacted by one of the children’s deaths. The grief wells up in me even as I type this. They can’t grieve in the crevices because life for them has indeed stopped. For those families, I especially grieve their loss and please know our hearts are with you even as life swirls around us.
I can’t help but think those of us with faith are questioning. I don’t have all the answers but I did have a glimpse of something that gave me the tiniest sliver of hope this morning.
I was listening to the radio and a teacher called in and requested a certain song because she’d had a bad day. The radio host asked if it was related to Sandy Hook and she said yes. When she got to her school yesterday all the kids wanted to know if she loved them like those teachers loved and protected those kids. She said many of her students are from low-income families and just don’t have the reassurance at home others do. One kid though piped up and said, “You love us like Jesus loves us.” She was touched and said, “Yes, I would die for you just like Jesus died for you.”
The gospel is being shared because of this. Hope springs up that something good would come from something evil.
God just whispered and reminded me that he knows what it’s like to lose a son. And not just from random violence, but an intentional plan to send him into a world with the intent for him to die. But it was not in vain. He was meant to save the world.
God is in the business of redemption.
I have to believe God only allows pain, evil and sin when he can redeem it. He allowed sin in this world because he knew Jesus could redeem us. He allows pain in our life when he knows we can be redeemed. And I have to believe he allowed that evil at Sandy Hook because He can redeem.
He can make good of evil. He can take death and sin and use it for his good. Those kids are safe in His arms, those parents and families are hurting but God is there to comfort and provide peace because he knows what it’s like to give up a child. People are turning to God when they otherwise wouldn’t and hearing the gospel.
Jesus didn’t stop his own death because he knew it would benefit all of us. Perhaps he allowed their death to save another one of his children. I shake on the insides when I go down that path but I have to believe God is still good and their deaths are not in vain. I’d give anything to erase Friday but my hope lies in the belief that God will redeem if we allow Him.
I’m so thankful for the blogging world when there’s an event where we’re all affected. The writing and reading help me process. Here are a few other posts that helped me.
Life continues, my writing here will continue but we all can agree that Sandy Hook’s impact and memory continues and will live in the crevices of not just our lives, but our hearts.