Amy J. Bennett

Extraordinary Faith for Everyday Life

Ugh, the singing

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OK, so only the lead and bass guitarist and myself showed up for practice.  It was enough that we could actually run through the songs and me to learn the intros and transitions and such.  But.  I sounded even worse with absolutely no one else to sing with and no keyboard for me to hear the melody. 

It sucked.

They said I needed to sing louder and that it sounded “boring”.  I kept trying to explain part of the problem was the song was quite redundant and I was trying to sing notes that were way too low for me and I knew we needed to change keys but I don’t know enough about my singing to know and they aren’t experienced enough yet to know either.

I was straight up with them saying I know right now I can’t lead this music but I’m willing to sing crappy just so someone is at least leading the group.  They were insistent they wanted me to sing with them.  As for other singers, they seemed game for getting a “praise team” of several youth to also sing.  But trying to get random people to commit is hard.  And if this is going to work, they HAVE to be at practice.

Last evening I went over to St’s new church and listened to them practice hoping to glean some insight on how to run practice with a band.  They actually are doing some songs we are.  But I’m not sure if the practice served anything except to show awesomely excellent they are and how horrible I’m doing.

I talked to St after he got out for about an hour.  We realized I have a few problems.  For one thing, I’m trying to lead songs with a male lead line.  He has a high male voice so when I go to sing the songs the band is used to, I’m either way too high, or way too low.  And obviously during practice yestrday, I was singing way too low.  Another problem is I’m used to singing in the choir and I can either hear the melody with the track, piano or other sopranos singing.  With the band (no keyboardist right now), I have nothing.  No point of reference. 

I have to know how to sing it. 

Period. 

And I don’t. 

I’m no soloist, have never been. 

And here I’m trying to lead a band.  But honestly, part of me feels like I’m supposed to be doing this.  St has agreed to meet with me Friday and help me figure out what keys I should be singing in and we’re going to have a keyboard there.  And he’s going to show me all the resources online for the lead sheets, transposing, etc.

He also ensured me I CAN sing.  I’ve stood directly in front of him for two years as he’s lead our choir and he knows I can sing.  And St is picky.  I know he’d tell me if I couldn’t.  So I know I can do this. 

My last problem is I’m just scared out of my mind and I have to let loose and just let it go.  Get over myself and do it.

So for now I’m hanging in there.  I want to learn how to sing and how to do it my way, not St’s way.  I want to be the singer the band needs because those kids are talented and I don’t want to see it go to waste.

Crap.

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I can’t sing. 

I thought I could sing a little bit, but no. 

I can’t sing. 

Before I went to a two hour practice tonight with the band, I recorded myself and listened to it to make sure I wasn’t going to make a complete fool out of myself tonight or at youth tomorrow. 

And guess what??

I AM GOING TO MAKE A COMPLETE FOOL OF MYSELF.

It’s bad.  Really bad.  Like American Idol reject, show it in the first few episodes of the season bad.

What am I going to do??  I have practice in less than two hours now and am expected to sing.  I’m so depressed.  Why have people let me sing in the choir for the past 10 years?!?  I even asked Scott and he said with a smirk and a little laugh, it’s ok.  AHH!!  Why are you letting your wife get in front of 50 people and siiinnngg?!

Let me tell you, this is going to give a whole new meaning to the phrase “Jesus Freak”.  Lord, help us all.  Seriously.

Flickr pics

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Uploaded a couple pictures from my cellphone tonight at the church’s baseball game we went to.  Some other random recent ones too.

Talking to Jesus

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Emma went with me to the church this evening to finish up the podcast stuff.  We got out of the van and were walking to the door and she randomly says “Jesus says things to me sometimes.”  Most things Emma says usually only gets an uh-huh out of me but that stopped me in my tracks.  I bent down to her and asked her what He said.  She kinda clammed up like she was embarrased and said, “I don’t know”.  Hoping to lighten the conversation a little I just got up and held her hand again and continued walking to the church.  She says, “He knows what he says to me.” 

Hmm…I didn’t push it hoping she’d open up on her own but I really want to know what He says if He does talk to her.  Lately she’s been asking the question “What cross did Jesus die on?”  I try to understand and say he died on a tree and it was so long ago and I don’t know which tree but after He died, He rose again and went to live in Heaven but one day He’s coming back to get us.  She just says,”Yeah, I know, you already told me that.”  Well, at least I know she’s hearing me even if she doesn’t understand it all yet.  I wonder if Jesus is telling her about Him?

Beach trip

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So I thought our beach trip might be off this weekend.  Originally it was going to be 4 couples sans kids.  Then it turned into 3 then 2 couples.  Now it is us and our kids and one other couple staying at their condos north of Myrtle Beach.

We’ll probably leave Friday afternoon and return either Saturday night or Sunday afternoon.  Haven’t decided yet.  Emma is ecstatic about getting to go the beach this year as our family’s annual trip was cancelled this year.  I’m excited we get to go too.  Can’t have a summer without beach pictures.

Making of a Stage Mom

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So next Saturday I’ve entered my girls into a local pageant.  Their cousin was in it last year so we sort of know what to expect.  It’s very, very low-key.  Probably less than 100 people in the audience.  Probably 20 people in the whole pageant.  It’s done in the gym of a local elementary school.  No makeup is allowed and the dresses can even be Sunday School wear. 

Why am I doing this you ask? 

Well part of me thinks my girls are awfully cute and really hope they win.  Part of me wants to do it for their confidence building.  Neither of my girls are very good in large, new crowds and if they do this, I feel like that is a step in the right direction as far as getting in front of people.  I know I was always terrified of getting in front of crowds and after 5 speeches in college, I was doing much better and now I don’t even turn red sometimes.  And since this is such a low key pageant and not very expensive, I just want to see if they like it or not.  Pageants ARE a good way to earn scholarship money and I’m all for that. 

But ya’ll, those little pageant dresses get EXPENSIVE. As in one dress can be up to $750 when you get to the fancy stuff.  INSANE.  I went to a local boutique and they had Buy 1 Get TWO free and bought them matching pink silk dresses.  Lexi really did like the pink dress though once I showed it to her so I’ve borrowed my niece’s blue dress from last year and she seems into after my SIL pointed out that she’d look like Cinderella.  Why I even asked the two year old which dress she was going to wear, I don’t know. I  mean, really.  I should have just said, put this on! two minutes before going on stage.

I am going to have their hair done by a lady in my church.  Emma looked so cute when she did it for C’s wedding and Lexi has never had her hair curled in any way so I’m very curious as to how it will look.  The blue dress has some detail on the back so I don’t want to leave it all down, but I also want to show off her long hair. 

Yes, I know I could be one of those moms.

I’m very concerned that the pageant starts at 3pm, the exact time Lexi starts having a breakdown every day and refuses to take a nap.

So I’m thinking both girls can go either way with this.  They will get out on stage and be so proud of their outfits and hair and have a big smile on their face and wave to people in the crowd.  OR, Emma will have a complete shy moment and hide her head in my side on stage, possibly with tears in her eyes and Lexi will be crying about her dress she has on, rip out any hair bow she has in her hair, and then I’ll have to carry her around the stage, completely defeating the purpose. 

Let’s hope it’s the smiley, wavy stuff.