For Allison and any others that need caught up..back in December me and a guy at work started talking off hours. We never did anything but talk. We saw each other at work but basically ignored each other. Nothing happened outside of conversations. A couple times we talked for hours on end while Scott was at work. It started out innocent, joking that we were going to get a summer house in Spain. It snowballed quickly and one conversation turned a little inappropriate. I myself told him it couldn’t go there again but I enjoyed the fairytale we had built. This sounds dumb, but he thinks I’m pretty and just the girl he’s been looking for. I ate it up, encouraged it. Whatever. I’ve always called it a codependent relationship. He likes to make me feel good, I like when he does. And we seem to be on the same wave length. I could tell him anything and he knew exactly what I was trying to say. Anyway, Scott found out about the conversations and I realized I couldn’t be doing what I was doing. I know I could not be with him. We wouldn’t survive. I love Scott and never even thought of leaving him. It wasn’t like that. And he didn’t want me to leave Scott. It’s such an odd relationship, it’s hard to describe to someone. But since then, it’s been a struggle to remain working with him, talking to him every day, remaining friends and coworkers and keep our conversations strictly friendly without all the innuendos, etc. So that’s it.
Search Results for: ugh
More not so good days around here the past couple days. I had a, um, relapse with Mr. Work. Nothing serious, just conversations were headed directions they weren’t supposed to go again. I can’t tell you the inner turmoil I’ve gone through over this. It’s like an addiction almost. I know in my head it’s wrong but it’s too good to pass over. I sound SO pathetic to myself. I KNOW other married women have been through this. Right now, I’d just like to talk to them and hear I’m normal and that one day, I’ll feel normal again and not think about this 24-7.
My house is a disaster. Scott worked all weekend and the past two days and I really need to clean.
Work is as slow as Christmas.
I think Lexi’s mission in life is to spill as much liquid out of cups as possible and scatter as many cheerios on the floor as her little arms can spread.
Emma’s job around here lately seems to be seeing how many times we can change her panties in one day.
It’s not been a great week.
This was mostly taken from an email to a friend…sums up last night…
Last night Scott didn’t even want to try Fox and Hound since we figured we had a better chance at Ri Ra’s anyway. So, Ri Ra’s was a 45 minute-1hour wait and we didn’t have even 45 minutes to wait because we had to take a little detour on the way there–more in a sec. So it was SO cold downtown with the wind. I even had changed my heels to my boots because I realized how cold it was going to be and that was a good thing too. Anyway, so we ran across the street to get out of the cold and ended up at Gold Pepper Grill. Yahoo. At least I talked them out of China Queen. It was not quite what I had in mind for the evening but it was decent food, quiet and the service was nice.
So the reason we were running late is we get onto 5th street and I ask Scott if he remembered the tickets. We had originally forgotten the keys and tickets when we were leaving the house and I told him to grab the tickets when he got the keys and apparently he didn’t hear me. So we started to turn the car around to head back home and the only thing that popped into my head was that a guy I work with and his wife lived like 3 blocks from where we were and knew they would help us out and let us print the tickets from their printer. Knowing that she had her wisdom teeth out Wednesday I figured they might be home. So we pull up to their house and C’s car is gone and E, his wife, is staring out the window trying to figure us out. Scott and I walk up to the house and E meets us outside. I told her who I was and she was totally nice about everything. While we were printing the tickets, C got home. He was really confused walking into the house trying to figure out who was at his house but he was really nice about it too (not that I thought they would be otherwise) and the four of us talked for a few minutes before we had to leave to get something to eat. Anyway, it was really funny. I still can not believe I went to his house to do that.
So the opening act for Larry the Cable Guy was Josh Sneed. I’ve never heard him before but he was really funny. He seemed like around my age and was talking about stuff that I could totally relate to. Larry came out and he was really good. He had some not so funny moments and did some stuff I’ve heard on the Blue Collar Tour before but some stuff I hadn’t heard before and I could barely breathe I was laughing so hard.
So things are a lot better around here now. Scott and I are going to see Larry the Cable Guy tonight. Scott had flowers delivered to the house. Three dozen miniature roses. They’re gorgeous. One point for him (or about 3 dozen points). He has been trying so hard lately. Notes left for me in the morning. Surprise dates, presents, the flowers. I love him more just for making the effort.
I do still talk to the guy at work. Almost daily. The subjects of our conversations have changed quite a bit though. Recently we’ve been discussing God and whether he creates us inherently good or bad. It’s brought up other things and honestly, I’ve learned a ton just by trying to respond. I’ve thought through things I have never thought through or haven’t probably since college. It’s so weird with him and I. Sometimes it seems like we are almost the same person, just maybe different personalities. We just seem to approach things with the same thought process even if the opinions are different. Wednesday night he, I don’t know, disappointed me. We were doing an implementation for work and he logged in to the computer from the bar he had gone to after work. He went off on tangents and kept talking like so fast and about things I didn’t ask him about and things you just don’t say like that. Now I know why I can’t be around people when they are drinking. I honestly didn’t feel like I was talking to the same person. It really put a different perspective on a lot of things. Anyway, enough about him!
Lexi has really started to try to say stuff. She’s not too good at it but you can tell she is trying. Last night she tried to say two. She was pretty close on that one actually. Apparently she can do animal sounds. The kitty cat is the cutest. She says mow, mow. She does lion, dog, and kitty cat. She is a ham. So funny when she sticks her tongue out when she is really being funny or silly. She has a fit when people come over. Starts running in place, sticking her tongue out, dancing, trying to do somersaults.
Emma is getting more mature all the time. I mean, as much as a 3 year old can be. We still struggle with whining quite a bit and a little bit of talking back to us. She is worse when she is with MIL. I don’t think because of MIL but because of her cousin that she is always with if she spends time with her. She is quite a handful.
We redid our foyer and hallway. Didn’t know people redid those right? Well, our foyer is sort part of our living room. I added a console table and mirror after painting the foyer walls a very deep brown. I love it. I just want to sit in the foyer now.
So today I’m just looking forward to tonight. I really hope it is good.
Hmm, how am I feeling
Hmm, how am I feeling today? Cold. And I’m going to be feeling even colder on Thursday. We are headed to Maryland for a long weekend and the high all weekend will be 38!!!!! That is freezing!! We are still in the 50s down here. Emma is so excited about going. And she is really excited about Christmas. She keeps asking if today is Christmas. And Lexi tried to rip open C&L’s Christmas present. I’m goign to have to do some damage control on the wrapping paper. We have all our shopping done except his Mom. Which she supposedly wants a leather jacket but I don’t think she has picked one out.
We watched Mr & Mrs Smith last night. It was fabulous and um, encouraging . Let’s just say Scott and I will be buying that one.
Today Kyle went to court where the guy from school charged him for assault. Looks like he has to get a psychiatric evaluation before they do any sentencing. So we’re back to waiting.
Lately I’ve been reading up on what Jews believe. I thought it was a simple difference of Christianity. We believe Christ was/is the Messiah and Jews were waiting on someone different. Way wrong. They don’t even believe the Messiah will be God or even partly God. And they believe when he comes it will basically be peace on Earth. It seems they basically believe that the first coming of the Messiah will be like what we expect out of the second coming of Christ. Just for those two reasons, it would be easy to reason that Jesus is not the Messiah. Although what they are expecting and what I believe what should be expected are two different things. So it seems in order to reconcile what to believe in, you would have to interpret the prophecies differently. Or something. I haven’t dug too deep into it except to see that the matter is not as simple as I once thought. Their faith seems to believe in a work-based faith. That as long as you repent and try to live right, then you’re good. The whole concept of being born a sinner and needing a savior outside of yourself seems to be a foreign concept. I don’t know, these concepts have been debated for years and I’m not sure I can do much except try to understand why people believe what they do. Which is why I’m really interested in finding out why I believe what I do. So this Sunday School lesson about Jesus seems to fit right in. And our teacher wants me to teach when he is out in a few weeks. I feel pretty inept but I’m hoping to do the lesson justice. It’s just weird when you put your faith in a context that is much bigger than yourself. You really do start to question if what you believe makes sense. And of course I do believe, and even more strongly believe, in what I believe but I just want all the pieces to come together. To become more clear on why I don’t believe something else just to know that I believe the right thing. Right? I’m sure lot of people have gone through the same thing. And now I can somewhat understand how someone could leave Christianity for another. If I had not experienced God myself, I can imagine from a purely textbook explanation, you could easily be swayed to something else. I have said lots of times that Christians believe some weird stuff. But I guess that what any type of religion is like. Anyway, that’s where my head has been on that whole subject.
Nothing much going on around
Nothing much going on around here. I stayed up late last night with work. Most of it went well and all of the important stuff is good.
So Scott seems to be making a small effort to change. He’s read his book I had bought him without me reminding him to a couple times this week. He bought me a rose last night and had lingerie and the rose laying on the bed when I went to bed last night. It seemed somewhat for him, not me, but at least he tried with the rose. I can tell he catches himself when he is starting to get irate.
As far as the guy at work is concerned…we’ve had lots of conversations since last week, one including the fact that I have to be careful around him or I’d get myself in trouble. Since mine and Scott’s conversation and then the one with him, I’ve been flattered when he said something nice but neutral. I guess I’m realizing it has to go in one in ear, feel good for a second, and then out the other. If I let it do anything else, I get too wrapped up.
I had my hair cut last night. I was growing it out and it had got down to my shoulders almost. But it just ended in a stringy nothingness every day. She kept it almost the same, maybe an inch short in the front and then did it shorter in the back. It sticks out in the back. Everyone seems to think it’s “cute”. I guess that’s better than it was. My hair is just not going to do long. My hairdresser suggested just buying extensions. I’m good with that as long as they look good.
I’m planning to move hosts but I’m not sure when I can get everything installed. I lost my old Movable Type install files which I kept because I thought a couple years ago you had to start paying but I saw on their site now they have a free version so I’m going to go for that and see how it goes.
Emma loved Disney on Ice.
Emma loved Disney on Ice. I thought she might fall asleep but she didn’t. Scott and I had a long talk last night. Or rather, I had a long cry. I basically told him Tim was making me feel pretty good with all the attention he gave me but what I really need and want is for him to make me feel that way. And really, he just hasn’t been making me feel that way. And it scares the living crap out of me that I am getting that attention from someone else. So, once again, he seemed to “get it”. I’m hoping this time I see some real, lasting changes. I am tired today. And I have a headache and my neck hurts. I just want to crawl back in bed.
OK, I feel much better
OK, I feel much better emotionally after getting a day “off” at work. However, physically not so good. I came down with some stomach virus wednesday night. I’m feeling much, much better today. Scott went crazy yesterday having to stay in for two days in a row. Now he knows how I feel sometimes. It was really hard to watch him roll his eyes at me when I asked him for something simple like a cracker or Gatorade. He is an awful caregiver when I am sick and he is with the kids. Didn’t we say in sickness and health? He even told me if I ever really got sick he would have to hire someone to take care of me. Well, thanks a lot!
We are headed to Disney on Ice tonight. I hope Emma appreciates it and can really enjoy it now. She keeps thinking she is going to get to skate WITH Belle. She hasn’t gotten that part yet.
Heather had a funny conversation with Heather. It’s only really funny when Heather tells it, but I wanted to get it down.
They were at Home Depot and wanted to be held. Heather said get on my back for piggy-back ride and she told her like when she does a horsey ride at the house. So Emma gets up and her legs barely fit around Heather’s waist. Like, only her feet are coming around for Heather to hold. Heather is laughing and says something like is this like a horsey ride and Emma says, It’s not a horsey ride, it’s a PIG ride…ah, out of the mouths of babes. I laughed so hard I was crying.
Christmas is fast-approaching and I really need to get some more shopping done. At least to get the stuff for people Maryland.