Bible Study Week 2

Somehow I forgot about posting last week’s study. I’ll try to do both of them here. A lot of it is lists of things.

OK, this got REALLY long, click to see the rest…if anyone is actually reading this, let me know. It takes awhile to write these up and I don’t want to spend the time doing it if no one cares…just sayin’. You won’t hurt my feelings but I’m putting this up hoping a few are interested.

Chapter 3 – The way it begins is the way it ends

This chapter was a little weird for me. They started out talking about two types of relationships…the one that starts fast (meet at a party and stuck at the hip right away), end fast (the relationship lasts for a week if it’s lucky. may hurt bad at first, but it’s over quickly) and the one that starts slow (dating your best friend), ends slow (hurts really bad and for a long time because you’re losing your friend too). I really liked this part of the book. They point out that no matter what, dating a friend is not a good idea. More than likely it WILL NEVER be the same as it was before.

So what I didn’t like is the segue to the next part..they try to make the point the way it starts is the way it ends and then gives them a list of things to do/think about to make it “end well” before it even starts. They ask them to think about how you want to be remembered when the relationship will end…do you want to be the one that got away and he’s sorry it never worked? If so, here’s some things to do…

  • Be mysterious – More in another chapter but quit telling him so much!
  • Be adventurous – More in another chapter but take risks!
  • Get involved – Do outside activities because it will
    • Build self-esteem
    • Have experiences unlike anyone else
    • You’ll have interesting things to talk about
    • You’ll literally be hard to catch b/c you’re so busy
  • Be creative. Try new things…paint, write, sing, do collages, scrapbook, go to museums.
  • Be carefree – Quit getting bent out of shape about so many things.
  • Laugh – Laugh at him and yourself. Guys love for girls to laugh at them.
  • Be positive – Don’t say it if it’s not nice. If someone else says a negative, you say a positive. It’s a downer to be around someone so negative.
  • Ask Questions about him – everyone likes talking about themselves. Quit talking about you all the time and ask him anything!

And the point of this chapter…if you can do these things, you will be more dateable and be “the one that got away”. OK, my only thing is whoever is like that is pretty perfect and that would be hard to attain. But I do think if girls can TRY to be more of those things, it not only makes them dateable, it makes them better people in general.

Chapter 4 If I Will Do it For You, I Will Do It To You

This chapter was basically about character. I like the example they gave at the beginning of a politician basically trying to say what goes on in his personal life has nothing to do with his political life. Wrong! It’s a character issue and that’s WHO HE IS. So this concept of if a guy will do ___ FOR you, he will do ___ TO you. They actually apply this to friends as well as boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. The examples explain it better…

  • Liars. If a friend will lie to your parents FOR you, when it’s an opportune time, they’ll lie TO you. If a guy lies to his girlfriend so he can talk to you, he’ll lie to you so he can talk to another girl.
  • 2-faced. If a friend will talk about another friend to you behind your back, she’ll talk about you behind YOUR back.
  • Blabbermouth – If a friend is dishing all the gossip, she’s dishing all YOUR gossip.  The girls seemed to really connect with this and were pointing fingers at each other.
  • Stealing . If you see a friend steal something or they steal something FOR you, they’ll steal something FROM you.
  • Cheat. If a guy will cheat on his girlfriend to be with you, he’ll cheat ON YOU to be with another girl.

Now that sounds really bad and seems like everyone is horrible. But there is such a thing as character and teenage girls should be aware that most likely, if they did it to the last girl, they’re gonna do it to them.

I do think there is a thing of more special relationships than others. Like for me, there ARE certain people I would do things to that I wouldn’t to another friend. That sounds bad, but I think it’s true. AND I do think people CAN change so it’s not always fair to judge people based on past errors but I just told the girls…don’t be the guinea pig to find out if a guy has really changed. Let him prove he is different BEFORE dating him.

Now, the end of this chapter IS all about change and gets the girls to look at themselves…which ones are you in the list above and which do you want to change? They give some steps on how to change a character issue and close with saying then you will be more dateable.

Wow…how long are posts allowed to be??? I think I’m going to split these after all..


Comments

  1. “They point out that no matter what, dating a friend is not a good idea. More than likely it WILL NEVER be the same as it was before.”

    Hmm…isn’t that true of all no-longer-dating relationships? When you break up, it’s never the same as the way it was before you started dating, regardless of what the “before” was! So, IMO that’s a pretty silly piece of advice. If dating is somehow related to marriage, and I’m really not sure it is (I’m liking ‘courtship’ more and more as I get older), then dating a friend is WAY better than dating a stranger… you already know you like things about them and have some sort of relationship that works so far. In my experience, those who marry their best friend are happier than those who marry for romance… romance fades, but friendship is a very solid foundation for a long term relationship.

    The usual disclaimers: I haven’t read this book. I don’t have any living children, and certainly no teenagers. I thought teens were pretty silly even when I was one. So take my opinions for what they are…just my two cents.

  2. I guess the point is if you date a friend and it doesn’t work, you’ve lost a friend. If you date someone you don’t know or aren’t that close to, in the end, you’re not really losing anything. I guess :/

  3. That’s an interesting idea, which brings up the basic question of what is the “purpose” of teen dating? And I guess I’m thinking of ‘exclusive’ dating… perhaps this book isnt talking about exclusive dating but more of the casual dating where each person is dating multiple people at the same time.

    I wonder if more teens (both sexes) should ponder their motive for dating a particular person. What are they hoping to learn/achieve by the relationship?

    For example, if they date someone they aren’t currently friends with. Do they hope to get to know the person via dating them? (get closer to them?) And if they do get closer while dating and then break up, haven’t they still lost a friend?

    I love your chapter summaries…please keep them up!

  4. I don’t think it’s really clear on exactly what type of dating they’re talking about…if I’m talking to 15 year olds I mean what really is dating?? They can’t even hardly drive at that point. The book talks about the purpose of dating at this point is to have fun, enjoy someone liking you, find out what types of people you like and don’t like and find out more about yourself.

    I think either way you get hurt a little in the end. Which is really the whole point of Chapter 2…how much do you want to put into this relationship? Do you want to really be hurt when you invest everything in them?

    I personally think teens should have more of a mindset of “let’s just have fun together” and enjoy each other’s company. I think so many of them have the mindset, let’s be as serious as possible and see how long it can last.

  5. I am reading… don’t stop posting these. Really I don’t know how I feel about teen dating at this point. I have seen it go both ways. I know of numerous couples that started dating when they were 14 or 15 and are still together and married 10-15 years later. But overall I think being a teenager should mean having fun and not getting too serious with someone. The whole group date thing I think is nice for people that age. Its safer and more carefree. :)

    Amanda’s last blog post..Bring The Rain….

  6. Amanda..the group dates I think are a great idea for that age. Maybe I can suggest that at some point.