Join me in my parents’ upstairs bathroom. It’s a small bathroom, recently built into the attic near their theater room that was transformed from some attic space. There’s only enough room for you and the toilet and maybe a box of kleenex that sits on the floor. I have some new wine colored fingernail polish in my hands I got for free earlier that day. All I can think is I need to pee really quick so Dad doesn’t start Sleepless in Seattle in the theater room. I’m hoping to tie in the movie into my non-novel and want to pay attention to every detail. I put the nail polish on the bowl on the back and put the lid up making sure it would shield any fall the polish might take if it should start sliding. I undo my pants and turn to sit down and hear this huge “whoosh”. In a split second I think that somehow the polish has found a way around the lid and fallen in and when I turn around I am shocked to find my favorite picture of Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart staring back at me. “MY IPHONNNNEEEEEE!” I pull my pants up enough to not be indecent but don’t button them and rescue the iPhone from the bottom of the still-clean toilet water.
I run out to the sink which is right outside the small toilet room and grab some Fall napkins Mom has set out on the counter and then I start announcing it to anyone within earshot. “My iPhone fell in the toilletttt!!” Dad and Scott don’t seem to care much and stay put in their seats in the theater room. So I run downstairs to Mom and Heather hoping the female freak-out factor will kick in and someone will commiserate with me. “My iPhone fell in the toilet!!!!” Mom responds appropriately “Oh my Lord! Well it’s gone. You may as well cry and get it over with.” I look at Heather and she’s on the verge of bursting out in laughter. I guess since this is THE SECOND TIME I’VE DONE THIS, I can see why.
So all the while I’m patting it dry and then shaking it back and forth watching water fly out of the phone. So I run back upstairs and grab some compressed air and start spraying and of course Twitter the fact that I’d just done this. Then I google “iPhone water” and come up with some help including the compressed air, hair dryer and even BAKING the iPhone for short amounts of time. I also read about putting it in a bowl of rice and letting it pull out the moisture. That seems the least invasive. So after the compressed air, I go back downstairs, blow dry my iPhone and then ask Mom for some rice. And so, since then, my iPhone has been buried in a bowl of rice. And for some reason I feel like I’m carrying around an urn of ashes.
All night I’ve been whining and complaining about not having my phone, announcing to everyone each and every time I would have used to. Oh, I need to take a picture and I would…if I had my phone. Oh, I need to write that recipe down and I would..if I had my phone. Oh, I have a picture of that and would show you…if I had my phone. Oh, Heather’s trying to call me? I’d talk to her…if I had my phone.
The funniest thing is my father-in-law said is it’d be funny if you got it out and it started talking Chinese to you. A reincarnated iPhone.
I’m giving it until 9am tomorrow. And then the AT&T store will have one desperate customer on their hands if it doesn’t turn on.
Lesson here? Keep rice on hand.