I lost a very important piece of paper yesterday and it left me panicky and feeling irresponsible and flighty.
Today I couldn’t find some medicine for our dog and I still can’t find it and it’s making me feel unorganized and not-together.
Other parts of life are feeling out of control.
Let’s start with food.
I was doing really well at the beginning of this year with all my P90Xing. I lost a bunch of weight. I was in my happy place, feeling great.
And then Spring popped up. Sunshine! Heat! The pool! P90X. Nobody had time for Tony and exercise bands anymore.
I never lose weight from exercising, but it does make me eat well so when I stopped exercising, I quit eating well. Add in summer vacations and celebrations and I gained all the weight back and then some more. Maybe you can tell, maybe you can’t. But I can. The only upside is I have boobs that are bigger than at least SOME 6th graders.
Normally I can snap myself out of a sugar addiction and get back on track. I throw the Mountain Dews and ice creams and cookies and cupcakes back onto the “No” list and start chomping on carrots again. But this time? It’s like I know how hard it is to let it go and eat well and I just don’t have the fortitude to make myself do it. Plus, Pumpkin Spice Lattes are just yummy.
My poor diet is making me tired and lazy and exercising sounds like a terrible idea even though I know how desperately I need to given my desk job.
Let’s not discuss the financial implications of these bad habits. Starbucks for breakfast? Sure! Milkshakes for dessert? Yes please! Taco Bell for lunch? I do hear that bell ringing.
Our finances have not been properly monitored for months now. We got hit with too many fees this summer just because I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t have the right money in the right place soon enough. Unexpected medical bills threw me off kilter.
That made me feel very irresponsible and icky too.
The seasons changing always makes me feel a little depressed. Addie Zimmerman called it Septembering yesterday. I relate to that even though mine doesn’t hit hard until we start Decembering.
Yesterday morning I forgot Emma’s Silk chocolate milk from her lunch and normally I’d just let her skip having it but I drove to the school at lunch and gave it to her. I was screwing some things up but missing milk? I could fix that. She’d have her milk, oh yes.
The tears I blame on PMS but the feelings are in there.
Inadequate, unorganized, undisciplined, lazy.
I’d like to say they’re lies but I don’t know. In some ways, they’re true.
Lysa TerKeurst posted this last night after ruminating on a lot of this:
God is okay with me even when I’m not okay with me. And that’s a beautiful truth.
That IS a beautiful truth.
What areas of life are you struggling with right now?