Archives for August 2014

Our weekend went very well.  We are settling in with one another more each day.  Jac0b is learning our house rules, we are all struggling through our new ones and we are trying our best to learn him well.  While it can be exhausting, it is also very good.  I’m not nearly as overwhelmed as I was at the end of last weekend.  I don’t feel so pressed for time, so anxious to to take advantage of every single second.  We’re in this for the long haul and that helps me relax into our new roles.

Two moments I must share from the weekend, before I get to today’s real post, for those of you not on social media.

The first, is this moment that Scott captured Saturday night as we were having our Bible study together.  This family Bible story reading is new.  Jac0b likes gathering everyone before bed in our room and having someone read the story.  He also loves cuddling in the evenings. Very innocent and very sweet.  This boy is already healing so many parts of my heart.  We set out to show him love and he is filling us to full with his.

We surprised him with a visit to a ball game at the Knights stadium in Charlotte.  Our good friends Ken and JoAnn invited Scott and Jac0b to the game to celebrate their son’s birthday.

It’s very special watching the two boys.  JoAnn prayed for her son for 7 years before she had him so seeing them together (and looking so much alike!) is like watching God’s grace in little boy form times two.

 

Ok, I could talk forever so let me get on to today’s post.  I really wanted to share the other half of a story I shared on Thursday.  At the time, I didn’t know there was another half, but clearly God wasn’t done.

His Name

First, I must tell you some back story.

You might remember that I found out we were matched with a child from Scott through a text message.  What I didn’t tell, because I couldn’t at the time, was that Scott told me the wrong name.  In the very first text message, Scott told me Jac0b’s name was Joseph.  He simply remembered wrong.  That was on the Thursday before July 4th and I didn’t get to follow up wtih the DSS case worker until Monday after the holiday so we spent the first 4 days believing his name was Joseph.

Now, you may not realize the significance of this.

When I first saw that name, I admit, I was truly overwhelmed.  My middle name, what that “J” up there stands for, is Jo.  I am named after my dad whose middle name is Joseph and he is named after his father’s first name, Joseph.

So, to hear that a little boy that we were matched with was named Joseph was just a little astounding.

Also, if you know the Biblical account of Joseph, you might already be thinking of how ironic it is.  Joseph was rejected by his brothers, sold into slavery and then put in charge of Egypt by Pharoah because he could interpret dreams. He was later reunited with his family and forgave them for their mistreatment of him.

One of the lines that people often take from his story is Joseph’s comment to his brothers, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

To think that this little boy was named Joseph with our familial significance and Biblical significance, well, it was a little overwhelming to me.

When I called on Monday morning and the DSS worker said, “Yes, I wanted to talk to you about Jac0b,” I admit I was a little disappointed. Jac0b?  It has to be Joseph!

After thinking on it more, though, I thought maybe God purposely had Scott remember it wrong so that we would believe from the beginning that he was meant for our family.  And do you know what Emma said to me a few days later, “Maybe we heard it wrong so we would know he was ours.”  I hadn’t said that out loud to anyone else so she wouldn’t have overheard me and picked up on it.  I let it at that and believed that perhaps it had been a happy mistake that helped tie us to him from the beginning.

 

Back to last week.  On Thursday after I showed you pictures of Jac0b, I shared a story of my friend Shannon who relayed a message to me that a sandy-brown haired boy, similar to the one on Old Yeller, was still trying to find his way home and that their church had fasted and prayed that he would.

It turns out that wasn’t all.

After I posted that on Thursday, Shannon messaged me to ask what his middle name was. I told her it was Ry@n. *(changed for Google’s sake)

She says, “I had only told this to my neighbor, when I asked God what your sons name was He gave me the name Ry@n.”

I couldn’t believe it! I didn’t even know his middle name until we went for his presentation meeting in mid-July and she said she heard this name earlier in the summer.

But that wasn’t all. She continued:

“I should mention that I believed that it was going to be Joseph Ry@n but hey Jac0b Ry@n is close enough…. I must have not listened too well to God at that point haha”

I couldn’t believe it!  Not only had she heard his first name “wrong”, but it was the SAME name WE heard wrong. Out of the thousands of names, how could this be a coincidence?

But to be honest, I really don’t know what the significance of this is except that I don’t think it is a coincidence.

He gave her the name Ry@n and then I really do think there is some significance that he gave her the name Joseph and not Jaocb.

And just to top it off, Joseph’s father in the Bible is Jac0b. His actual name is still Biblically tied to Joseph.

Maybe we are supposed to give him the name Joseph.

Maybe he is supposed to “own” Joseph’s story.

Maybe it is just more confirmation that he belongs in our family.

I don’t know!  I just know “Joseph” keeps coming up and it’s not happenstance.

Their Name

I was thinking on all this this weekend while stories of the children in Iraq appeared over and over again on my timeline.  How heinous is the news of what is happening.  It is nothing short of demonic. What else could possess a person to do these things?

The Lord whispered some comfort to me. Just as he didn’t forget Jac0b all those years and he knew his name and how many hairs on his head he had, he has not forgotten these children.  He knows them by name and he knows the number of hairs on their head.  He has not forgotten them. Their rescue might only be heavenly, but he will lift them up and honor them.  He will exact justice on the evil that he is being done to his people. I just pray their deliverance is swift.

Your Name

Where do you feel God has abandoned your story?  Where is he absent and it feels like he is not working for you?

Remember that he knows your name. He knows the number of hairs on your head and he is working it all out. He has not forgotten you. He is weaving the threads of your story together in his time.  He promises.

 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

 

 

Hi. If you’re seeing this, it means everything is official.

Let me introduce you to our son, Jac0b.

These are the first picture we saw at the presentation meeting.  I knew as soon as I saw them. Read to the end and you’ll see why.

 

 

From the first meeting at the park and when he came home to meet the girls:

 

 

 

Click through for the rest of all the pictures!

[Read more…] about Friends, Meet Our Son

 

Alright, guys, it’s here!!

We have set the placement meeting for 10:30 on Thursday, August 7th!  We will sign all the papers for placement and then go pick him up at his foster home and MOVE HIM IN!!!  Yahoo!!!!

And can we just talk about the fact that our wedding anniversary is Friday?  Life is so weird.  That young girl had NO idea that she’d be a mom of three, 16 years later.

The other AWESOME news is we do not have to wait the 3-6 months to file for adoption to the courts like we thought.  We can go on Thursday to the attorney and give him the paper so he can go ahead and schedule our court date. We expect that would happen within a month!!  Everything would be finalized then and he’d have our last name.

This also means I get to share his first name and pictures with you Thursday!  I’m going to go ahead and work on a post with a TON of pictures so be standing by for me to publish it when we walk out of the meeting Thursday!! Make sure you are following me on Instagram because I already feel a family picture coming on! And, (and this is not a plea for likes) I do post updates in between posts over on the Facebook page.

And also?

IT’S HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Be prepared, this is a long one!  If you want the short version of our weekend visit, it’s simply it was so good, but so tiring.  If you want the details, read on!

The Exhaustion

Maybe your first time experience as a mom, if you are one, was similar to mine.  Most of my waking minutes—and there were a lot of them—were spent trying to figure out what that little baby was thinking, feeling and wanting and then doing that thing I guessed she needed.  Was she hungry? Was she tired? Did she need changed? Does she look uncomfortable? Happy? Stressed? Gassy?  It was a round-the-clock effort.

This weekend felt a lot like that.  Although maybe that is a bit extreme.  I mean, I did have 8 hours of straight sleep the past two nights and didn’t change one diaper.

You might liken this weekend to when you are hosting guests in your house.  You worry about their food and their room and what they might want to do later in the day and do they look bored right now? Should I suggest a game? Or a movie?  Should we eat in or eat out? When the guests finally leave, although the time was wonderful and you enjoyed their company very much, you finally felt like you could turn off and relax.

Actually, it was a lot like hosting a little boy in your house and you worried a lot about their food and their room and what they might want to do later in the day and do they look bored right now?  Is he hungry? Does he look uncomfortable?  Is he happy? Stressed?  How much video games is too much? What’s that serious face he has right now?  What was that thing he just laughed at so we can do it again?  What did he just say to her—are they getting along? No, you can’t play more video games.  Yes, you have to eat that (and remind me not to cook that again). No, my darling girl, it’s not fair.  Life’s not fair!

*Deep breath*

Basically, I did a lot of parenting this weekend and any parent will tell you, it’s a lot of work.

Add on to that I’m trying to parent a little boy that I don’t know, but I desperately am trying to, it’s plumb exhausting.

I talked with his foster mom when we took him home and told them how exhausted I feel. They said it’s very, very normal and they feel it for a few weeks every time they bring a new child in.

So, let’s set the record straight.  This weekend was hard.  But, it was also very, very good.

He continued to fit in so well with our family. Let me give you the run-down of what we actually did.

 

The Details

Friday night we had the pleasure of introducing him to our parents and siblings.  He’s one of least shy people I’ve ever met.  Perhaps in the midst of all the disruption to his life, he has learned how to be adaptable in new situations well.  At Scott’s parents, he ran in front of all of us and went right in the front door himself.  He made himself at home at both houses and got along well with everyone.

Saturday morning we had a nice breakfast at the house, let the kids play games and watch TV in the morning and then took off for bowling and laser tag with another family with kids similar to ours for the afternoon, we had to read a bowling shoes for men guide first because my boys did not really know which shoes to wear.  He really enjoyed both and I think we all had the best fun during those few hours.

Saturday evening we went out for dinner and then relaxed the rest of the evening.  By this time, exhaustion was beginning to set in for me.  I think Scott ordered me to the bedroom when we got home when he saw me spacing out.

Sunday we were very happy to take him to church with us for the first time.  I expected to be super emotional about this, but honestly, it was so very normal.  Adoption is certainly nothing new to our church so they know how to handle new kids that may be a little out of their element and of course our friends were gracious and welcoming to him without singling him out too much.

Sunday after church we had dinner with Scott’s parents like we nearly always do and then was happy to play another round of video games over at my parent’s theater room before getting home for some swimming before we had to take him back.

It was hard to say goodbye not knowing when we’d see him again.  The only saving grace is the next time we see him will likely be to bring him home. I’m hoping to talk with DSS first thing tomorrow to find out a game plan.

 

The Issues

Now, because I want to be real with you, I want to share a few (LITTLE in the grand scheme of things) issues that were particular stressing to me.  You’ll see in these how much I hate confrontation.  I’m a peacemaker, a phlegmatic, however you want to say it.  I don’t like when people aren’t getting along—especially my kids.

The Van

First, and don’t laugh, but the kids are stressing me over where to sit in the van.  The first few times the girls were accommodating and let him sit wherever he wanted, but through the weekend, they hit their limit. No one wants to sit in the back by themselves.  Although I am getting ready to volunteer myself.  Put me in the back and let me know when we’re there. 

He doesn’t like it because I think he feels like he’s the newcomer so he’s getting stuck by himself back there. The girls don’t like the back because they feel entitled to “their” seats.  Seriously, I just sighed out loud because I’m stressed thinking about the arguments.  I think we determined by the end of the weekend we’re just going to have to  come up with a rotating schedule for each day.  How do you other parents deal with this?

The Food

Another issue is food.  Just everything about it. He’s not a picky eater, but it really, really stresses me not to know the foods he likes. Friday night he didn’t like the salsa chicken I cooked and I suppose that set off the weekend on a bad foot for me mentally. I was then super-stressed about all the food and whether he’d like it.  I know this will simply take time to learn.

Add on to it that we’re gluten-free and he’s never even heard the word gluten.  It’s fine at the house because I don’t keep anything with gluten, but when we went out, he’d order a bun or something and the girls were mad then because he got gluten and they didn’t.  This happened on a few occasions.  If I let them have it, then I’m basically letting them get sick.  It’s also very confusing to him because he doesn’t even get the gluten thing and why I’m not letting them have the food they want.  If I don’t let them have it, then it’s “not fair” because he does get it and they don’t.  If I take it away from him, it makes zero sense to him right now.  It’s not even my job to manage his diet yet.

So, I don’t know how to handle this gluten thing yet.  I can force the issue once he’s with us, explain what it is and explain we’re a gluten-free family.  Or, we have different rules for him because he is different. I totally get that that doesn’t feel fair to the girls and really, it’s not fun for me to maintain different snacks or meals to accommodate everyone.  Parents, how do you deal with allergy differences between your kids?

The Video Games

And finally, this video game thing is very new to me.  He wants to be playing some sort of electronic game all the time.  Like, all the time.  After some conversations with other boy moms, I hear this might just be a boy thing. My mom says my uncle played Atari all the time.  Scott says he played Nintendo all the time. Several boy moms I talked to this weekend say their kids are on the PS3, DS, iPad, etc, etc, all the time.  I can sort of relate as my girls would watch TV 24-7 if I let them. However, I feel with games that it’s at least a little more educational/challenging than watching Hannah Montana reruns.  Moms of kids who like gaming, how do you manage screen time?

 

The Moments

There were some moments, though, that I hope I don’t soon forget.

Friday night hearing him call our parents by their names—Grandma, Pappy, MawMaw and PawPaw.

Him proudly telling me every time he won a round of racing against Scott.  “Mom, did you see I won 4 times?!”

Lexi earned some sour patch kids at the arcade and Saturday night when I was putting him to bed, we found a note with the candy that said, “For my little brother”

Sitting at my desk, watching him signaling into the foyer with the flashlight Scott got him from his bed when he woke up Saturday morning because “he wasn’t sure who was up yet.”

Lexi and Emma teaching him to dive in the pool and then encouraging him as he got better.

Running into him at laser tag and watching him smile as he shot me over and over.

Him scaring Lexi in the hall and then Lexi getting him right back.

Him running out the door because he wanted “to hug his sisters” goodbye.

Those moments? Make me totally forget the exhaustion.

God is so very good.  Sunday morning at church the pastor preached from Psalm 123 and how God’s provision in the past is a reminder and encouragement that he will continue to provide.  I know, I know, I know God’s hand is in this.  We’ve already seen it so many times.  The good times, the hard times, the exhausting times—I know He will guide us through.

 

Bella at the dog park on our overnight visit

After our overnight Tuesday and then some important meetings that had to happen yesterday, I think I’m finally recovered emotionally.  Today we are starting August off right and I thought I’d give a little State of the Adoption and talk about where we are in the process and what’s coming next – very quickly.

This afternoon Scott and the girls will go pick him up for our weekend visit.  The weekend visit is the last step of our visits before we go sign the adoption papers at DSS.  Nothing is ever set in advance because they always wait for the child to respond to each visit to plan next steps. I’m getting really good at saying, “I don’t know, we don’t have plans right now.”  However, I was under the impression it would happen at the first of next week.

But, what I do know is when we sign papers, he will be placed into what they call pre-adoption placement. We will become his adoptive parents, but DSS will still visit monthly for a checkup and if he has to have major surgery or we go out of state, we have to let them know.  After 3-6 months when they determine he is ready, we can file what I believe is called an adoption complaint with the courts.  When we have that court date, that is when he will officially become a Bennett and DSS will no longer be involved. I can’t wait and I really hope it is even before 3 months!

The cool news about this weekend is they’ve given us the go-ahead to introduce him to our immediate families.  Everyone is beside themselves and I’m really excited as well.  We also hope to venture out of the house more and maybe do something cool like bowling and laser tag if he’s up to it–he’s never been so that will be super fun.

Assuming that our meeting with DSS happens next week, we can then share his name and picture and introduce him to YOU! You really just have no idea how excited I am for you to see pictures of all the things I’ve been writing about the last few weeks.

I’m already making plans with work to take a leave of absence for several weeks while we transition and bond so you know I am excited about that!

Of course, still be praying that the weekend goes well. Specifically, that he doesn’t get overwhelmed with too much.

Pray for the meetings to go quickly and smoothly next week.

And finally, please, please keep the foster parents in your prayers. I know they are excited for him, but also am sure it is very hard for them to let go.

Feel free to ask questions if you have them.  Thank you, friends.