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Sole Hope Shoe Cutting Party

December 9, 2013 by Amy 8 Comments

How to Host a Sole Hope Shoe Cutting Party

If you remember from mid-November, I shared Sole Hope and invited everyone to my house for a shoe cutting party. Well, this past weekend was the big day!

For a quick refresher, Sole Hope provides handmade shoes to children in Uganda to help prevent foot-borne diseases. Our job was to cut the material for the shoes based on templates they give in a kit. They send the assembled materials to Uganda and pay local shoemakers a fair wage to make the shoes.

I thought our party ended up being a smashing hit and I’m so glad several people have expressed interest in holding parties of their own. I wanted to share how ours went and give some tips to new hosts.

Let’s get to it!

Preparing for the Party

Beforehand, I had the impression that we could just show up with some jeans and scissors and cut some shoes, but there’s actually several things you need to gather and do before the party.

Materials

Here’s what you’ll need with some extra tips and detail the kit booklet didn’t cover.

Jeans – Take jean donations from those not able to attend and have attendees bring some as well. Each average pair of jeans gets about 4-5 pairs of shoes from it. You really don’t need as many jeans as you think. We had a TON of leftover jean material.
Fabric scissors – I can’t stress enough that these need to be quality scissors. Jeans are not easy to cut. Find a local seamstress and see if you can borrow some for the night. I’m lucky that my mom has a drapery business and had a workroom full of massive scissors. I’d say for our size party we needed 5-6 pairs.
Pinking shears – These are those zig-zag scissors. I called Walmart and asked them if they had any and the lady said, “You want some PINK SHOES??” Needless to say, she came back online a few minutes later and said they didn’t sell them. I found them at the same store the next day. These are NOT cheap. Borrow what you can. We got away with only 2 pairs.
Safety pins – You need large safety pins but you don’t need too many. You’ll need one safety pin per pair of shoes. From what I could tell, we made about 1-2 pair of shoes per hour per person.
Large ziploc bags – You’ll need 1 bag for every 5 pairs of shoes.
Empty plastic jugs – Ask a large family or two to save their milk jugs for a week or two. You’ll need them to cut a half moon out for the heel. Depending on how the plastic is prepared, you could get 4-5 pairs of shoes per jug.
Quilter’s cotton – So as many of us learned for the first time, quilter’s cotton is basically just 100% cotton. The quilter’s cotton is cheaper because it’s plain. The cotton is used for the inside liner of the shoes. You can use jean material instead but we really, really enjoyed having pretty patterned cotton to work with and really, it’s not very expensive. Pro tip: buy light colors so you can see your pen marks from the template tracing.
Sharpies – You’ll need 5-7 Sharpie markers to trace templates on both the plastic and the jean material.
Pens – You’ll need 2-3 pens to trace onto the cotton.
Tables/chairs – If you’re hosting it at your church, you might be able to skip this one, but I had to borrow a few tables so we could be at my house.
Cardboard or plastic folders – You’ll get a paper template in your kit but you’ll need to make several more sets of the templates to be used at each station from either cardboard or plastic folders. I personally preferred the plastic folder templates.

Prepare the materials

If you have early jean donations, prepare your jeans to be used as material. Cut off the top of the jeans so only the legs are left. Then, cut down the pant leg at the seam. You should have a nice, rectangular-ish piece of jean material.

The kids loved destroying the jeans for us.

Prepare your plastic jugs. Cut around the top of the jug and outside along the handle. Then, cut close to the bottom so you’re left with the four sides. Then, cut down each corner so you should have 4 panels of plastic ready to be used.

Set up stations

There are lots of ways you could organize your party, but I found it easiest to separate the stations by material.

Station 1 had all the jean material. People there were responsible for tracing the template onto the jeans and cutting it out.

This station will need the jean material, fabric scissors, sharpies and templates.

We found that the jeans were the slowest moving station so it was better to have more people there than the others. We had 5-6 people working on jeans.

Station 2 was the quilter’s cotton.

The quilter’s cotton station seemed to require the most attention to detail and attract folks that were most comfortable around fabrics and pinking shears.

Fold the fabric over and you can cut two layers at once! Since you could cut twice as much at once and was thinner fabric, this station usually produced faster and only needed 2-3 people.

Station 3 was our plastic station. On one night, part of this station’s job was to prepare the jugs as described above but after that, this station simply traced and cut out the half moon shape for the heel patch. This station seemed to attract the men and kids. The template required here is simple and the plastic is easy to cut through.

Station 4 was the quality control and final assembly station.

For both parties, I handled this myself from my kitchen counter. My job was to make sure the material was cut as requested and then assemble a pair of shoes together with a safety pin.

Once you have 5 pairs of shoes, you put them in a bag and label them with the shoe size. You’ll need the safety pins, bags and sharpies at this station.

Finally, I’ll just say, as you can see, this doesn’t have to be super fancy. My house isn’t huge and I didn’t spend a lot of time decorating. You just need tabletops for people to be able to trace and cut. With kitchen counters, dining room tables and even the floor, almost anyone can make it work!

The Party

Finally! It was time to party! And surprise–we actually held two parties back-to-back!

solehope

Since our small group meets at our house on Thursdays, we decided to hold a cutting party during our regular small group meeting time the day before.

solehope

It was a great time to get my feet wet hosting and working out the kinks as well as introduce more people to Sole Hope and produce more shoes to send!

solehope

With everything set up, all that is needed once people arrive is a quick explanation of the stations and everyone seemed to have a natural fit of where they wanted to work.

Our small group completed 16 pairs and a few partials that I finished after the party that totaled 20. For Friday’s party, we completed 30. We had so much leftover material that I had my own little party and cut another 10 pairs while I watched Gone with the Wind (for the first time!) Saturday night.

So, I’m very happy to say we’re sending off 60 pairs of shoes!! Woo Hoo!!!

Skyler, Candie, Heather, Dani, Michele, Carla,
Tamara, Edwin and their 2 kids, Barb, Becky,
Jenn, Gracee, Emma and Lexi

Our small group totally forgot to do a group picture, but that’s the crowd from Friday night. Both groups are fantastic people I call family and friends! I’m a lucky gal!

If you spy the Sole Hope banner at the top of our group picture, I used some of the jean material and the sharpies to make it right before Friday night’s party. The photos are from the kit booklet. We just took the staples out of the booklet and then hung the separated pages right on the banner. So easy and fun!

Thank You!

Our parties absolutely could not have happened without the donations and help of so many people! They might kill me, but I really want to call out some people that made this possible:

Lara Beth provided bags and jeans and brought them to my house.
Jennifer mailed a box from Virginia and sent jeans, sharpies, bags, pins and a donation. It showed up just one itty bitty hour from the start of the first party. What timing!
My mom let us borrow her work scissors.
Phillip and Anita donated plastic jugs and got them to our church.
Holly donated plastic jugs and brought them to our church.
Jenny gathered all the plastic jugs at the church and brought them to the party.
Ken and JoAnn lent us their tables and scissors and donated fabric.
Heather brought us white chalk we used to mark on the darker fabric.
Dani bought quilter’s cotton.
Deb is sending a donation FROM CANADA with spare American dollars she had.
Dave prayed over our time and all the shoes.
Becky and Barb brought pinking shears and lots and lots of jeans.
Many of the participants brought bags, jeans, cotton fabric, and scissors and gave donations. It was coming in so fast I didn’t get it all written down.
Scott for running all my errands–he even went to the fabric store for me-and helping with all the set-up.
Everyone that attended and worked SO HARD!

As you can see, this was a group effort. To all of you that helped prepare and then those that attended, on behalf of myself, Sole Hope and the families in Uganda, THANK YOU!! I love thinking of those women sewing those shoes and then those toddlers walking around in the shoes! 60 of them!! That’s a lot of toddlers!

You absolutely can be a part! If you want to host your own party of any size, the first step is to buy a kit over at SoleHope.com. Please let me know of any other questions you might have!

Ultimately, I pray that these shoes would be a tool not just to bring physical healing, but be an opportunity to teach many about the love of Christ. When Dave in our small group prayed over the shoes, he was reminded of the verse that says how beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel. I pray that the feet of these little toddlers are covered with shoes so that one day that verse may be said of them—beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel! Their feet will be covered so they can know and then they can go. May it be so!

A Good Season

October 29, 2013 by Amy 7 Comments

I’ve been sitting on these photos of my family for a few weeks now.

I think they’re stunning. Not because we’re beautiful, although I think my children are. I love the light, the fall colors, the simple fact that my family is all together, the beautiful work of a photographer.

And I didn’t want to share.

I didn’t want to seem like I was bragging—didn’t want anyone to feel less than maybe because they couldn’t even afford family pictures or some family members were sick or whatever.

Over the weekend, though, two people said something that dispelled my fear.

Lisa Whittle talked about how we try to diminish who we are to make someone else feel better. She encouraged us to embrace it without apologies. Ann Voskamp said we steal praise from heaven.

So, guys, I’m not into stealing praise from heaven. This is our family’s annual photos.

For whatever reason God decided to let me be a part of this beautiful family and it is such a gift. We’re far from perfect but we’re healthy. We’re happy. We love Jesus. He is SO good to us.

Sometimes I thank God quietly and he just whispers, enjoy it. These are the good years.

I don’t know if that means we have some hard years coming up. Maybe. But maybe they’ll all be good years. I just know we’re in such a sweet time as a family and I’m just so, so grateful.

I look at this picture of me and Scott and think of us just a few years ago. My goodness, what a work God has done.

These kids. They undo me. Everything I do I do for their happiness and health. I couldn’t love them more and I know God feels just the same way about all of us. They show me Jesus.

Not all our seasons will be like this but I’m so, so grateful for this one.

I’m grateful for him giving talent to photographers like ours and grateful for organizations like Help-Portrait that understand the power of photographs and gives back to those in need. If you’ve never heard of Help-Portrait, I’d highly recommend you checking them out. Perhaps you can help give others a moment where they can thank God for his blessings.

To God be the glory!

A Shower of Grace

September 9, 2013 by Amy 7 Comments

We stayed busy this weekend with sleepovers and birthday dinners and hospital visits but there was one moment I cannot pass by although my words won’t do it justice.

A week ago I was asked to host a baby shower by and for my nephew. If you know part of our history, then you know it wasn’t an easy ask or an easy answer. I won’t pretend it was my idea and look how great I am because my initial response was kind of ugly. But I couldn’t bear the thought of a new baby boy going without and as I wrote about last week, I realized it was a moment for grace.

The baby was due in a short time and when an inducement got scheduled even sooner, we realized we had less than 1 week to do the shower.

The needs were great.

I put out a call on social media, on local mommy forums and to local friends for help. Our family could not do this on our own.

What happened within the next week was astonishing.

Strangers were at my doorstep within 48 hours with bags of like-new clothing. Like, I still don’t know their real names, just their screen names and their faces.

Friends from high school I hadn’t seen in years met me with boxes and boxes of items.

People from my small group bought gifts.

Friends recommended ministries to contact.

Many families within my church and in other churches banded together, some just giving one or two things, and gathered nearly every single thing this new little family would need.

Toys, books, bottles, baby monitor, car seats, a stroller, crib mattress, high chair, bath tub, bumbo, bouncy seat, blankets, diaper bag, baby food. OH MY WORD. ALL THE THINGS.

The people who gave don’t know my nephew from Adam. They gave and gave to a complete stranger because there was a need. It was the most beautiful display of Acts 4:32-35 I’ve ever seen.

All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.

It’s still hard to put into words the aura of grace we had that night. Tears upon tears of gratefulness and confessions of God’s provision covered any imperfections.

I share this because I need you to see that amid all the bitterness and sin and outrage among the church that God is moving among his people to provide hope.

The church is not a building or a board or committee or even a pastor. The church is his people and this is what it looks like when the collective body of believers IS the church. Forgiveness is given. Needs are met. God is glorified.

I don’t begrudge a building and gathering of local believers. In fact, I love my local church and it happened in large part because of a local church. But the beauty and power of believers among many churches coming together as the universal church is simply beautiful.

I’m walking away from this weekend with reminders to forgive when it’s difficult. The freedom you find is more important than any revenge you think you’re inflicting.

Ask when you need help. People are gracious and generous but they need to know there’s a need before they can fill it.

Give even when, and especially when, it’s a sacrifice. The freedom you find when you open your hand is better than any satisfaction you have holding on.

And finally, new babies are just the best.

Meet my new great nephew.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to anyone that had a part in providing for this sweet little one and everyone’s continued prayers are appreciated.

Dealing with Difficult Family Members

September 5, 2013 by Amy 8 Comments

(this makes me laugh) kalilo

I think if we were all able to point to the hardest relationship in our lives, it wouldn’t be our spouses, our children, friends or even the haters. By far, the hardest relationships to maintain are those family members. It’s difficult to talk about because they’re, well, family but if we all could admit it, we would. We all have “that one” in our family. Some of us have more.

Somewhere along the way they made (or are continuing to make) a few bad decisions and life is pretty messy. Or maybe they never really had a good start and now it’s all catching up with them, whether the decisions were really their fault or not. The point is they’re a wreck and we have to help deal with it. It’s the most exhausting relationship than any I know.

We can’t not help because the truth is we love them. They’re family, after all. And family sticks together. Plus, we have to see them at the next family function so we can’t pretend they don’t exist, which is what some of us do with people in need.

But even if we want to ignore them, likely we do want the best for them. We want to see them succeed and have a good life–just do your work, eat dinner and go to bed like the rest of us.

So the problem is we can’t ignore them. We love them and want to help.

And listen, it’s good that we’re taking care of our families. Paul talks about taking care of family first in 1 Timothy 5:8 “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” We can’t save the world and ignore our family.

But we never know where to draw the line. At some point, our help turns into enablement. But, it’s so hard not to help because we hate to see them suffer.

I don’t have it all figured out. We struggle with this constantly. I need to remind myself of some lessons along the way and maybe you need them too.

It’s ok to say no. In fact, when someone is making bad, sometimes illegal decisions, it’s best to say no. Take a cue from the 80’s anti-drug efforts and Just Say No! Repeat it to yourself as often as necessary. Often we think because we’re alleviating a short-term problem we’re helping them, but in the long run we’re actually hurting them. In fact, we’re making this crazy cycle all the worse.

Handing out cash is one of the worst things you can do. The money can’t be traced to where it was spent, it’s easy to lie about it and a lot of times illegal things go down with cash. It’s just not good. If someone needs groceries, take them groceries. If someone needs a bill paid, by all means, go to the company and pay it. One time someone asked us for grocery money so we went and bought them groceries and told them they could come pick them up. They never came for the groceries.

Sometimes no isn’t enough and you have to walk away. Some people just need to get to an absolute bottom before they can build themselves up. It’s probably the hardest thing to do, but sometimes it’s for their best. Be clear about what you’re doing and why.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean trust. When that someone has done you wrong, it’s ok to forgive. It’s even ok to tell them you forgive them. In fact, I highly recommend you forgive your 77 times and tell them you forgive them. But it doesn’t mean you keep helping like you’ve been doing. You don’t trust them. Trust is earned and that takes time.

It’s ok to call them out on their crappy decisions. In fact, some people are screwing up just so someone will call them out. You’re not a bad person if you get someone in trouble for doing something bad. It takes courage to do that especially for family but sometimes it’s just what they need, and yes, want.

Offer truth and grace. Even if you call them out, offer some grace and hope too. My daughter’s 4th grade teacher demonstrated this to my daughter last year. She did very poorly on a test. I think she failed. She felt really yucky about it and the teacher called her out because she’d basically just been lazy. But she told her, “You know this feeling you’re feeling right now? Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s in the past. But remember it because the next time you can work extra hard and know that you don’t want to feel this way again.” She didn’t pretend she hadn’t been lazy but she did show her how to move forward. Truth and grace. We have to do this for people more.

More often than you feel like it, offer a listening ear. Sometimes people make bad decisions just to get attention. They feel alone and don’t know how to escape and sometimes just a good conversation can dig them out of a hole. Just ask Antionette Tuff about this.

When appropriate, offer undeserved mercy and an astounding amount of grace. I don’t want to make this confusing with what I’ve said before but sometimes, people really do need loved on and spoiled more than they deserve. They need a glimmer of hope and a peek into what it really looks like when people love from a good place. You’ll have to be wise to know the best time to do this. When someone is making poor decisions, you can be taken advantage of and make things worse. But sometimes, it’s the exact right thing to do.

As you can imagine, knowing when to do one or any of these things take a lot of wisdom. We have to be on our knees and asking the Holy Spirit for guidance about when to step in and when to walk away. When to give and when to withhold. When to listen and when to speak.

But keep on loving, friends. It’s hard and messy work and will make you pull your hair out and cry a million tears, I know. But somewhere along the way we were screwy too and needed a love like this.

On Community

August 26, 2013 by Amy 4 Comments

The last few weeks, months even, have held a lot of talk about community. It’s certainly a buzz word around Christian circles. More specifically, a lot is being talked about community around the table. Shauna Niequiest certainly opened the door wide with her book Bread & Wine. Anyone who has read can tell you it strikes a cord in you. You know there is community when people sit around a table eat together.

During our small group this week, we talked about the difference between the American church and the church at large. We are lucky enough to have a missionary in our group who is able to compare and contrast the church at large and insists that the American church culture is a very small subculture of the Christian church.

He described how community is much different in other parts of the world. Members stay and talk with each other after services. It’s not a race for home or the buffet. Visitors are often invited to meals at homes. Meals are shared throughout the week. His wife told us at one time, at least one meal was shared per day with another family.

When they asked if we often ate with our friends, or even acquaintances, I had to say no. Sure, we have people over sometimes but it’s certainly not regular and it’s always planned in advance. We’re all so busy. There’s no concept of meeting someone new at church and saying, “Come to my house for dinner today.” And that’s sad to me because it sounds just like something Jesus would do.

Two of our friends that moved this year to Charleston invited us down this past weekend. When we arrived, they had a meal waiting for us. They joyfully dragged us around Saturday to antique shops and the farmer’s market and art galleries and peanut shops and the beach and back to their house for another meal. We woke up Sunday and enjoyed a wonderful breakfast before we left.

My heart left full, thinking about this idea of community and sharing the table. I was challenged to stay later and invite in and buy extra. I’m already a believer but when someone sacrifices and shares their table there is something that rings true in my spirit.

Jesus talks about his kingdom being like a marriage feast. He offers an invitation. Some will make excuses and not come but others will accept. And so I realize that when friends invite us in and offer a meal, it is nothing less than them being Jesus to us.

When we say yes and indeed sacrifice our own time, money and efforts to sit and commune, we are a picture of the sinner saying yes to Jesus again. Certainly I don’t mean this literally but just like a baptism moves me to tears every time, this sitting down to a meal with friends nearly breaks me as well. It moves me because it reminds me of Jesus.

Yesterday after church I didn’t run for the car. I introduced myself to the couple in front of us and invited them to our small group. It just happened that they lived a few miles from us. I introduced myself to our new pastors. I stayed and made small talk with a new friend. My heart was again full when I left.

May I challenge us all to buy into the hype and intentionally chase this community? Because this thing called community—it is nothing less than an invitation from Jesus to know him more. For others to know him through you.

Thoughts On Our 15th Wedding Anniversary

August 8, 2013 by Amy 3 Comments

On our honeymoon. Yes, I was 12 (JK)

You know when you were younger and everyone got a boyfriend? And then you got to a stage where it seemed like all your friends were getting engaged and married? And then your friends all started to have babies? All the stages were joyous and celebratory even if you did go broke on shower gifts and bridesmaid dresses. Well, we’re at this stage we’re everyone is starting to get divorced. And it suuuckks. Sorry, there’s just no other way to describe watching two people who loved each other become sworn enemies and fight over who keeps a couch. It’s just awful. After spending the last year walking a friend through it, I have SOME THOUGHTS about it but I’m still trying to work it out before sharing anything.

Yesterday I sat at dinner with a coworker. She’s getting married in two months and she asked me for marriage advice. Today is mine and Scott’s 15th wedding anniversary so I thought it appropriate I might share what I told her.

First thing, no one really knows how to DO marriage. I mean, really we’re all just a bunch of screwed up people trying to live within the same walls without wanting to divorce at best and kill each other at worst. A person can drive you up one of those walls in a hurry.

So I share these not as an expert but as a person who has to climb down the wall on the regular (and has a husband who has to do the same).

You can’t last too long in marriage without forgiveness. If there was just one thing I wanted to communicate to my friend it is that. Because as I said, we get driven up a wall a lot of times and forgiveness is what gets us down most of the time.

We have bad days and bad ideas and say bad things and you really just have to learn to forgive the other person for that and move on. Not hold it in your back pocket for a rainy day but to really just say that really just sucked what you did but I’m not going to hold it against you.

Give each other grace to have those bad times and growing room and remember you need it too.

Learn your roles in the household will cut down on 92% of the arguing. In fact, the arguing will show you where you need to make some changes in your roles. If you get upset every single time he cuts the grass because he doesn’t do it right, maybe it’s time for you to get yourself outside and cut the grass the right way. Don’t let tradition tell you what your roles should be. You guys work out what works best for your marriage. It won’t look the same as your parents or your neighbors next door.

Learn your love languages and use them well.

Figure out what The Crazy Cycle is always be the one who gets off first.

Realize that marriages go in seasons. When you’re newly married it’s pretty great–awesome, actually–and then you get into this season where you question what in the world you did. And then you decide to do the hard work to make yourselves better and then marriage gets awesome again. I’m sure we’ll do that 5 more times before our ride is through and it would have helped to know that up front.

Don’t let divorce be a concept you ever discuss. You make it 15 years or 25 or even 55 by sticking it through the hard times and deciding you’re going to be the one to help them through the hard times and they’ll be there for you when you lose your mind a little.

All that to say today on my 15th wedding anniversary, I’m celebrating the hard work we’ve done to get here. It’s no small feat.

But let me say, the hard times make the good times even sweeter.

I’m out of town for work as I write this. Scott called my hotel first thing this morning to tell me Happy Annivesary and I didn’t even know he knew what hotel I was in. He didn’t realize I was an hour behind either so I had to call him back when I woke up a bit more.

When I called back he said he was doing dishes and had just fed the dog. The kids were still sleeping because they’d had a late night with a sleepover with their cousin. He had cut the grass and cooked dinner last night. Basically, he is awesome and I fell in love with him again.

I love to watch him work hard for our family, to protect us, to have fun with us. I love it when he buys me M&Ms at the gas station because he knows I love them. I love when he schedules massages for me when he sees I’m super stressed. I love when he wants me to just sit with him in his recliner because he still likes me that much.

Yeah, marriage is hard work and not at all like the storybooks–in the storybooks you fall in love once but in real life, you get to do it over and over.

Working Mom Neurosis

June 25, 2013 by Amy 10 Comments

Two days after I posted The Summer Working Mom, we had a sitter come for the first time this summer to watch the girls. Scott was sleeping off his night at work and I was super busy with meetings.

We’ve done different things over the years during summer. For many years, my job was only 30 hours a week and I had very little meetings. I was able to make up work in the evenings after early bed times. Also, when the kids were younger, they still napped.

Some summers my mom and mother-in-law were both off one afternoon a week and would whisk them away. One summer we hired a middle-schooler to come hang out with them. Some summers we planned a lot of play dates at the house and they would play in their rooms or in the pool together for hours.

My job now is full-time and it’s changed in such a way that I could be in meetings on the phone for 6-8 hours straight. I don’t have the luxury of planning much work in the evenings.

The young lady we hired for this summer is 19. She’s super responsible and attentive and loves to play with them (not just watch them play) and can drive. The girls think it’s the best thing ever.

In fact, years later, they still talk about that middle-schooler coming to play with them and I’m sure they will do the same about this summer.

But let me share my neurosis about the whole situation.

When she came, it was fantastic to see her almost immediately grab a board game and take them to their room to play. They love board games and that’s something I definitely cannot do while I work.

Yay, this was the best idea ever. Look! They’re playing board games and not watching TV!

And then, guilt starts.

Oh my gosh, I’m the worst mother ever. They’re playing board games but it’s not with meeee! All their childhood memories will be with a sitter and not their mother.

Then, she takes them to the library and they pick out books to read.

Yay! They’re reading books–their teachers would be so proud. They’re going to have great memories of the sitter taking them to the library.

And then…

They’re going to go on Oprah one day and talk about how their mother never paid attention to them and they only remember me telling them to be quiet as I sat at my desk. Nevermind Oprah has been over for years. She’ll probably start the show again just to feature all their problems.

Then she swims with them–for hours. As I watch from my desk on my meeting, I can see they’re laughing and she’s doing flips with them and playing games.

What success! We got a great sitter who’s really giving them lots of attention–what more could I want?

Me. They could probably want more of me. All the other moms are at the pool with their kids. See? It’s right here on Twitter. I’m such a failure.

And on and on it goes. I continue to have an internal struggle about my kids, working and having a sitter. If I didn’t have one, they’d likely spend hours in the front of the TV. If I went into work, I’d hate not seeing them at all. So, I’m here where I see them all the time but then feel guilty about it all.

But the truth is, I know for a fact that I would not spend every single day playing board games, swimming and going to the library or the museum or whatever for hours on end. If I weren’t working, I’d be busy cleaning or organizing something or writing a blog post. I’d be doing something. Sure, there’d be more time with them but it’s not as if I’d do everything the sitter is doing.

And the fact is, they LOVE spending time with this sitter. I know they will talk about her for years to come and have great memories. I can only remember having a sitter a few times as a child and I don’t look back and say oh my gosh, my mother was such a failure. I can’t believe she wasn’t spending time with me. My thoughts are my mom had something to do and she got this great sitter for me and we had a ton of fun. Yay!

I’ve come to believe–thanks to my mom–that all this neurosis is just plain old unnecessary guilt. The Bible says Satan is out to steal, kill and destroy. He will do anything–anything–to steal my joy. Even when I have a successful job and kids that are having a blast, he is still trying to make me miserable about it all. And the thing is, no matter what situation I am in–working or not–he would do the same. It is his intent to make us unsatisfied and discontent with our job as mothers.

I believe, when I’m not being so neurotic, that there are none of us getting it “right”. It is not right to stay at home and it is not right to work. We are all called to our own place and only then are we getting it right. My job is to be sure of my call from God and then to be content with the calling and the outcome.

So, mothers, be certain I understood your neurosis. I live it, I breathe it, but I also do not accept it.

When the thoughts rage, I remind myself that I’m right where God has called me and He alone will complete the job He’s started in both me and my children. He knows what He’s doing and my job is to be content and trust Him. I remind myself to be thankful for my job, thankful for my kids, and thankful for a wonderful sitter. Gratefulness always kills the neurosis.

Moms, tell me I’m not alone. You struggle with thoughts like this too, right?

The Summer Working Mom

June 11, 2013 by Amy 31 Comments

Two weeks ago I sat at a restaurant table with my family. I’d been gone from home for 11 hours working and picked them up from the end of the driveway on the way home to meet a couple for dinner. I was tired and stressed and I’d missed them. I always do when I have to work at the office. Especially when traffic is bad and draws out my already long commute.

One of my girls had a bad attitude and I was embarrassed in front of the couple that sat across the table from us. They have grown children now, all of whom had been home-schooled the majority of their school years. On the missionary field no less.

The internal dialogue started. The bad attitude is all my fault. If I were just a stay at home mom I’d have more time with them and she wouldn’t have this bad attitude. I’m a horrible mother for working. I need to quit so I can be home more. In fact, I’ll home-school too.

Later that night I laid in bed with the girls for our nighttime ritual. I cringed when one of the girls said she had her end of year award ceremony at the exact time I had carefully scheduled a meeting at work. I apologized and told her I’d have to miss it and just daddy would have to go.

I hate you! I hate your job!

It’s the first time either of those phrases had been uttered and it was my breaking point. I threw the covers over my head and burst into tears.

She threw herself on top of me and told me of course she didn’t hate me, she just didn’t like my job.

She didn’t realize that of course I knew she didn’t hate me (although the words still stung) but the problem was that at the moment, I hated that I worked too. It made me cry harder thinking that after 10 years of me working her whole life and never complaining that it had built up and come out.

I left their room and went to the back yard and cried some more, mentally running numbers to see if I really did need to work.

That Monday she had her awards ceremony and Scott took video and I was able to watch it and I celebrated when she got home that afternoon.

We’re just a few days into summer now and while I’m thankful to be able to work many of the days from home, I still feel chained to my desk. Scott has plans to take them to the lake and I won’t be able to go to take pictures. The girls are spending lots of their time in the pool and I can’t be there to help them do flips and handstands. Other families are writing bucket lists of things to do this summer and the truth is we can only do a fraction of them on my off hours.

I’m so thankful for my job and really, it’s about as supportive of my family that it can get but there’s still moments, you know? At the end of the day, I still have responsibilities that leave me wishing for more. But my job is paying the bills and as far as we’ve been able to tell to date, financially speaking, I need to work and God hasn’t called me home quite yet.

I don’t have a nice bow to tie on this or to give you three steps to enjoying your summer with your kids while you work. I’m just a mom who wants other working moms to hear you’re not alone. I missed ceremonies too and we aren’t at the pool together every day either. Summer is the hardest time of the year as a working mom and the guilt abounds. I get that. We’ll limp through summer like we always do and just be thankful for the other people in our kids’ lives that fill in the gaps we wish we could.

Disclaimer: I realize there are stay at home moms going crazy because they don’t know how to keep their kids busy this summer and already want to check out. I realize, too, there are some working moms that are happy at work and are settled there. This post is for those of us that work and sometimes wish they didn’t.