spiritual stuff

The Law, Love and a Review of Jesus > Religion

October 8, 2013 by Amy 1 Comment

I found myself in tears in my living room. It was an ordinary weeknight. I’d just been lying with my daughter reading as I do every night, but had to excuse myself so I didn’t lose it in front of her.

I’d been reading Jeff Bethke’s new book Jesus > Religion and a passage explained a set of Scriptures that always left question marks in its wake.

Jesus says, “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. For truly, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished.”

While I always understood Jesus died for all my sins, I’d always read this and thought But Jesus said the Law is still valid. He might have covered all my sins, but he still expects me to obey the law. Then things would get confusing. Which law was still valid? Which do I have to follow? Which can I ignore?

The pendulum would swing the other way at times and I’d think well of course we don’t have the law. Jesus got rid of all that. We’re totally free to do whatever we want. Eat, drink and be merry!

And then I would think, but…but…Jesus is holy and wants us to be holy. I know the Holy Spirit guides me away from some of the same things the law does. The law fits in there somewhere. Plus, didn’t Jesus say…

Somewhere in my head I knew he’d freed us from the law, but I just could not understand how these verses made it all work together.

In response to these verses in Jesus > Religion, Jeff writes:

Jesus wants to make it clear: he isn’t taking God’s moral law lightly. The only difference is, he didn’t come to crush us with it—which religious people do, like the leaders in John 8—but rather, he came to fulfill it for us. When something is “fulfilled,” it means it has reached its end or completion. That’s what Jesus said he was doing. He was fulfilling the righteous requirements of it, on our behalf, to give us perfect standing with God.

That paragraph is what sent me in tears out of my daughter’s room. I’d read that verse so many times but finally I understood. I am free. Totally and completely free from the law. Jesus fulfilled all the requirements for me.

And here’s how I finally understood the rest: God hasn’t changed. He still desires for us to be holy. The law shows what God’s holiness looks like. It’s purpose is to show that we don’t meet that standard. With religion, we try to follow all the rules so we will be right with God. With Jesus, he does it all for us and then we begin to obey and grow out of a love relationship with him. Likely, the more we grow, naturally we are obeying the laws because we are becoming more like the character of God which is displayed through the law. But we do not have to obey the law first to be right with God or even to maintain our righteousness.

The law then to me as a Christian is simply a mirror of God’s character.

God is so good to me in that our sermon yesterday, the question for us was if we are free from the law, can we just do what we want? The answer is that yes, we’re free from the law but when we have that relationship, we live out of love and want to obey his Spirit not his law. It’s like God just wanted to give me an extra pat on the back and say, yes! You’ve got it now!

And this is what I love about Christianity. I don’t have it all figured it out. The questions don’t go away. But the trust doesn’t either. I may not understand every piece of the puzzle but I trust that the puzzle is complete in Christ. He shows me answers when I’m ready and sometimes that’s when my heart, a book and a sermon are ready to intersect.

I’m convinced Jesus > Religion is going to be part of so many more moments of clarity. Jeff is a voice for a generation that desperately needs to hear Jesus is relevant and a reminder to long-time believers what we truly believe. Jesus > Religion released this week and whether you are a person of strong faith or the word religion sends you running, I’d highly recommend it.

A Suburban Mom and a Rock Star

October 4, 2013 by Amy 2 Comments

Scott’s been on a kick listening to 80’s rock bands. He really likes the guitar, so he was especially interested in listening to Slash, the guitar player from Guns N’ Roses (Sweet Child O’ Mine video. You’re welcome). One day as I was working, Scott was watching his performances and as people usually do on YouTube, he got a little sidetracked and started watching interviews of Slash.

In one, they talked about his sordid past including partying and drug addictions. In this particular interview, he was asked about his history with women. I listened as he confirmed rumors that he would rent a hall of hotel rooms and have different women, not knowing about each other, lined up for the night.

I was appalled.

How could he think so little of the women to do that to them? Surely the women knew they were only one in a long line of women he had used, if not in the same night, then over his career. Did they think so little of themselves? What in the world would make him do this?

He didn’t go into details and I haven’t done a lot of reading but I guess a sex addiction played a role. Even if an addiction had taken over, doesn’t it all start with us doing what we want because we can over and over?

I kept thinking about this for days.

—————————————————————————————

As I mentioned last week, I started eating well again. The days tick by and I realize just how enslaved to sugar I’d become. I wanted to quit but couldn’t. Just one more cookie, one more cupcake, one more latte, one more bowl of ice cream. I’ll start Monday. Oh, wait, tomorrow. Next month.

I wanted it. And no one was stopping me.

I believe it when I hear sugar is as addictive as heroin. Not that I know how addictive heroin is, but I know sugar is addictive.

A sugar addiction and sex addiction aren’t comparable in consequence, but possibly in cause.

It’s easy to dismiss Slash as disgusting, perverted and nothing like me but as I thought about Slash and his hall full of women, I realized I had no better excuse. I wanted it, could have it and did.

On its own, though, isn’t doing what we want the best part of being an adult?

Gretchen Rubin recently tweeted this just days before I started changing my eating habits and it rang so true to me:

We have freedom to explore those things we want to do but while they temporarily feel good, in the end, they bring death. If you read some of the articles by these legit rock stars they’ll admit it’s fun for a time, but it just cannot sustain a healthy lifestyle, or a life at all.

Certainly I’m not suggesting we should all abstain from things like sex or sugar just because it leads to addiction. But for some of us, we should. Part of growing as an adult is learning those things that make us eventually feel worse instead of better and then stopping them. As a Christian, we have a great running start at this as sin always leads to death. Still, we have much freedom in Christ and we still have to be wise in the gray areas.

I suppose I share all this to remind myself, and maybe you too, of a few things.

This gluttonous suburban mom is at times no better than a sex-crazed rock star.

None of us can throw stones–love before you judge.

Pleasure doesn’t equate to goodness. Let’s repeat that—pleasure doesn’t equate to goodness.

Sometimes we need help walking away–reach out to someone.

Changing your life is possible—a heart changed by Christ is the best.

And true wisdom is knowing and doing what leads to life, regardless if you’re in front of your fridge or a hotel room door.

Parenting in Bits

September 30, 2013 by Amy 8 Comments

Krappweis

I had these expectations of how it would be to parent older children. I imagined long talks and diatribes about family values and morals and situations. I’ve been hyperventilating about The Talk since I found out I was pregnant. Perhaps I’d watched too many sitcoms in the 80’s and 90’s where everything ended with some wisdom from Mom and Dad.

However, parenting older children is not going the way I thought it would.

I’ll pick them up from school and ask how their day went and one will complain about a friend who wasn’t being nice. Oh, this is my chance, I’ll think. “Well, you know, Lexi, we have to treat others how we want to be treated.” There’s a beat of silence and Emma shouts from the other back seat, “Oh my gosh, Ryan threw up right before music and it was SO. GROSS.” Lexi wants all the details and my moment of wisdom lasted approximately 22 seconds.

Or sometimes, we’ll be walking along in CVS buying some body wash and there’ll be tampons on the end cap and Emma asks me if they hurt. “No,” I say, “but I did wear only pads for a long time.” And then she sees candy on the next aisle and says, “Mom can I pleeeasse have a snickers bar?” I say no and we’ve moved on from the mother-daughter bonding.

We’ll be driving to church and Lexi will share a scary dream she had the night before and how scared she was. I’ll remind her to pray and repeat 2 Timothy 1:7 any time she’s scared. Angels are protecting her. “I know, Mom,” she says before continuing, “Can we go to the gas station after church and get a slushie?” I didn’t get a full lesson on fear and angels before slushies.

That’s how parenting older kids has gone. In bits.

Sure, we do devotions at night and talk about children’s church from Sunday, but I’ve found most of my teaching has been the crevices. And I didn’t expect that at all.

It’s ok, though, because in my experience, God parents in bits too.

Sometimes as his children we get a little disappointed he doesn’t come down and lay it all out for us. We want all the answers to all our questions now and in 12 pt font and double-spaced, please. But from my experience as his child and as a parent myself, it’s in these bits God reveals his character and his wisdom.

I’ll be driving the kids to school and the sun cresting through the trees catches my eye. God reminds me he created another day, he’s a beautiful artist and he loves me. I turn into the car line and remind the girls to take their lunch boxes and thank God for another day.

I’ll be standing at the dryer thinking about how much it stings a friend hurt me and he simply says, “Forgive because you’re been forgiven.” I find the last matching pair of socks, breathe deeply and decide I will.

I love to stop and study about Jesus, but these small moments when he breathes truth remind me he’s walking with me. He’s not a God only on the page, but in my heart, going along and showing me himself. I’m grateful he chooses moments.

And so I realize although parenting isn’t going quite how I expected, it’s beautiful and just how it ought to be.

A Shower of Grace

September 9, 2013 by Amy 7 Comments

We stayed busy this weekend with sleepovers and birthday dinners and hospital visits but there was one moment I cannot pass by although my words won’t do it justice.

A week ago I was asked to host a baby shower by and for my nephew. If you know part of our history, then you know it wasn’t an easy ask or an easy answer. I won’t pretend it was my idea and look how great I am because my initial response was kind of ugly. But I couldn’t bear the thought of a new baby boy going without and as I wrote about last week, I realized it was a moment for grace.

The baby was due in a short time and when an inducement got scheduled even sooner, we realized we had less than 1 week to do the shower.

The needs were great.

I put out a call on social media, on local mommy forums and to local friends for help. Our family could not do this on our own.

What happened within the next week was astonishing.

Strangers were at my doorstep within 48 hours with bags of like-new clothing. Like, I still don’t know their real names, just their screen names and their faces.

Friends from high school I hadn’t seen in years met me with boxes and boxes of items.

People from my small group bought gifts.

Friends recommended ministries to contact.

Many families within my church and in other churches banded together, some just giving one or two things, and gathered nearly every single thing this new little family would need.

Toys, books, bottles, baby monitor, car seats, a stroller, crib mattress, high chair, bath tub, bumbo, bouncy seat, blankets, diaper bag, baby food. OH MY WORD. ALL THE THINGS.

The people who gave don’t know my nephew from Adam. They gave and gave to a complete stranger because there was a need. It was the most beautiful display of Acts 4:32-35 I’ve ever seen.

All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.

It’s still hard to put into words the aura of grace we had that night. Tears upon tears of gratefulness and confessions of God’s provision covered any imperfections.

I share this because I need you to see that amid all the bitterness and sin and outrage among the church that God is moving among his people to provide hope.

The church is not a building or a board or committee or even a pastor. The church is his people and this is what it looks like when the collective body of believers IS the church. Forgiveness is given. Needs are met. God is glorified.

I don’t begrudge a building and gathering of local believers. In fact, I love my local church and it happened in large part because of a local church. But the beauty and power of believers among many churches coming together as the universal church is simply beautiful.

I’m walking away from this weekend with reminders to forgive when it’s difficult. The freedom you find is more important than any revenge you think you’re inflicting.

Ask when you need help. People are gracious and generous but they need to know there’s a need before they can fill it.

Give even when, and especially when, it’s a sacrifice. The freedom you find when you open your hand is better than any satisfaction you have holding on.

And finally, new babies are just the best.

Meet my new great nephew.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to anyone that had a part in providing for this sweet little one and everyone’s continued prayers are appreciated.

Dealing with Difficult Family Members

September 5, 2013 by Amy 8 Comments

(this makes me laugh) kalilo

I think if we were all able to point to the hardest relationship in our lives, it wouldn’t be our spouses, our children, friends or even the haters. By far, the hardest relationships to maintain are those family members. It’s difficult to talk about because they’re, well, family but if we all could admit it, we would. We all have “that one” in our family. Some of us have more.

Somewhere along the way they made (or are continuing to make) a few bad decisions and life is pretty messy. Or maybe they never really had a good start and now it’s all catching up with them, whether the decisions were really their fault or not. The point is they’re a wreck and we have to help deal with it. It’s the most exhausting relationship than any I know.

We can’t not help because the truth is we love them. They’re family, after all. And family sticks together. Plus, we have to see them at the next family function so we can’t pretend they don’t exist, which is what some of us do with people in need.

But even if we want to ignore them, likely we do want the best for them. We want to see them succeed and have a good life–just do your work, eat dinner and go to bed like the rest of us.

So the problem is we can’t ignore them. We love them and want to help.

And listen, it’s good that we’re taking care of our families. Paul talks about taking care of family first in 1 Timothy 5:8 “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” We can’t save the world and ignore our family.

But we never know where to draw the line. At some point, our help turns into enablement. But, it’s so hard not to help because we hate to see them suffer.

I don’t have it all figured out. We struggle with this constantly. I need to remind myself of some lessons along the way and maybe you need them too.

It’s ok to say no. In fact, when someone is making bad, sometimes illegal decisions, it’s best to say no. Take a cue from the 80’s anti-drug efforts and Just Say No! Repeat it to yourself as often as necessary. Often we think because we’re alleviating a short-term problem we’re helping them, but in the long run we’re actually hurting them. In fact, we’re making this crazy cycle all the worse.

Handing out cash is one of the worst things you can do. The money can’t be traced to where it was spent, it’s easy to lie about it and a lot of times illegal things go down with cash. It’s just not good. If someone needs groceries, take them groceries. If someone needs a bill paid, by all means, go to the company and pay it. One time someone asked us for grocery money so we went and bought them groceries and told them they could come pick them up. They never came for the groceries.

Sometimes no isn’t enough and you have to walk away. Some people just need to get to an absolute bottom before they can build themselves up. It’s probably the hardest thing to do, but sometimes it’s for their best. Be clear about what you’re doing and why.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean trust. When that someone has done you wrong, it’s ok to forgive. It’s even ok to tell them you forgive them. In fact, I highly recommend you forgive your 77 times and tell them you forgive them. But it doesn’t mean you keep helping like you’ve been doing. You don’t trust them. Trust is earned and that takes time.

It’s ok to call them out on their crappy decisions. In fact, some people are screwing up just so someone will call them out. You’re not a bad person if you get someone in trouble for doing something bad. It takes courage to do that especially for family but sometimes it’s just what they need, and yes, want.

Offer truth and grace. Even if you call them out, offer some grace and hope too. My daughter’s 4th grade teacher demonstrated this to my daughter last year. She did very poorly on a test. I think she failed. She felt really yucky about it and the teacher called her out because she’d basically just been lazy. But she told her, “You know this feeling you’re feeling right now? Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s in the past. But remember it because the next time you can work extra hard and know that you don’t want to feel this way again.” She didn’t pretend she hadn’t been lazy but she did show her how to move forward. Truth and grace. We have to do this for people more.

More often than you feel like it, offer a listening ear. Sometimes people make bad decisions just to get attention. They feel alone and don’t know how to escape and sometimes just a good conversation can dig them out of a hole. Just ask Antionette Tuff about this.

When appropriate, offer undeserved mercy and an astounding amount of grace. I don’t want to make this confusing with what I’ve said before but sometimes, people really do need loved on and spoiled more than they deserve. They need a glimmer of hope and a peek into what it really looks like when people love from a good place. You’ll have to be wise to know the best time to do this. When someone is making poor decisions, you can be taken advantage of and make things worse. But sometimes, it’s the exact right thing to do.

As you can imagine, knowing when to do one or any of these things take a lot of wisdom. We have to be on our knees and asking the Holy Spirit for guidance about when to step in and when to walk away. When to give and when to withhold. When to listen and when to speak.

But keep on loving, friends. It’s hard and messy work and will make you pull your hair out and cry a million tears, I know. But somewhere along the way we were screwy too and needed a love like this.

On Community

August 26, 2013 by Amy 4 Comments

The last few weeks, months even, have held a lot of talk about community. It’s certainly a buzz word around Christian circles. More specifically, a lot is being talked about community around the table. Shauna Niequiest certainly opened the door wide with her book Bread & Wine. Anyone who has read can tell you it strikes a cord in you. You know there is community when people sit around a table eat together.

During our small group this week, we talked about the difference between the American church and the church at large. We are lucky enough to have a missionary in our group who is able to compare and contrast the church at large and insists that the American church culture is a very small subculture of the Christian church.

He described how community is much different in other parts of the world. Members stay and talk with each other after services. It’s not a race for home or the buffet. Visitors are often invited to meals at homes. Meals are shared throughout the week. His wife told us at one time, at least one meal was shared per day with another family.

When they asked if we often ate with our friends, or even acquaintances, I had to say no. Sure, we have people over sometimes but it’s certainly not regular and it’s always planned in advance. We’re all so busy. There’s no concept of meeting someone new at church and saying, “Come to my house for dinner today.” And that’s sad to me because it sounds just like something Jesus would do.

Two of our friends that moved this year to Charleston invited us down this past weekend. When we arrived, they had a meal waiting for us. They joyfully dragged us around Saturday to antique shops and the farmer’s market and art galleries and peanut shops and the beach and back to their house for another meal. We woke up Sunday and enjoyed a wonderful breakfast before we left.

My heart left full, thinking about this idea of community and sharing the table. I was challenged to stay later and invite in and buy extra. I’m already a believer but when someone sacrifices and shares their table there is something that rings true in my spirit.

Jesus talks about his kingdom being like a marriage feast. He offers an invitation. Some will make excuses and not come but others will accept. And so I realize that when friends invite us in and offer a meal, it is nothing less than them being Jesus to us.

When we say yes and indeed sacrifice our own time, money and efforts to sit and commune, we are a picture of the sinner saying yes to Jesus again. Certainly I don’t mean this literally but just like a baptism moves me to tears every time, this sitting down to a meal with friends nearly breaks me as well. It moves me because it reminds me of Jesus.

Yesterday after church I didn’t run for the car. I introduced myself to the couple in front of us and invited them to our small group. It just happened that they lived a few miles from us. I introduced myself to our new pastors. I stayed and made small talk with a new friend. My heart was again full when I left.

May I challenge us all to buy into the hype and intentionally chase this community? Because this thing called community—it is nothing less than an invitation from Jesus to know him more. For others to know him through you.

When I Doubt

July 22, 2013 by Amy 4 Comments

Every so often, I doubt my faith.

I was raised in a Christian home in the Bible belt and have spent most of my life following Jesus. By 10, my journals would show I was concerned for the eternal fate of my friends. I never experienced a rebellious streak where I turned from my faith. For those that get to know me, it doesn’t take long to put me in the “Christian conservative” box.

But sometimes, I ask myself Is all this Jesus stuff real?

I’m a logical, well-educated person. I’ve worked in the corporate world for 15 years, connecting with people from all over the world with many different faiths. I’m Internet savvy. I’m not small-minded or close-minded.

So if I’m going to be all in all the time, of course I have taken a step or two back and considered whether it’s all malarkey or not.

I thought I’d share my thoughts when I doubt.

I’ll warn you I’m not the one that studied religion in college. I never left the church and tried life without faith. I don’t read a ton of theological blogs or books.

Certainly these steps do not encompass all the facets of my faith. These steps are meant to give a high-level view of my thought-process when I work myself out of doubt.

Remember Nature

When my doubt is the worst, I not only doubt Jesus as God’s son but God himself.

But all it takes is a quick walk outside, a reminder of the ocean, a few pictures and facts about the solar system or some thoughts about how the human body functions and I’m back on track.

There’s just absolutely no way that this world and the people in it are by accident. Nature sings of a creator.

Remember Jesus Lived

Since I’m so entrenched in Christian culture, at times I look around and go wait a minute, this isn’t a fairytale or just a story. Jesus is a historical figure. He actually lived. Forget the Bible, there’s enough evidence he walked the earth.

But, a lot of people also walked the earth and I’m not following their religion. What’s the difference? Let’s move on to the next few points to see. The point here is you can’t ignore the fact that Jesus lived.

Remember the Prophecies

What always blows me away when I think of it, are the hundreds of prophecies that foretold Jesus’ arrival, death and resurrection.

Sure, this takes some faith in the Old Testament but Jesus himself predicted his own death. I don’t spend much time here because it doesn’t take much convincing for me to know it’s true. Many different people, hundreds of years apart all predicted many different aspects about Jesus’ lineage, life and death and then Jesus fulfilled all of them. It’s truly amazing to me.

Remember Jesus

Beyond all that, I remember who Jesus was and who he said he was.

In fact, you could forget everything before this and just sit here in your thoughts.

Jesus healed the sick, loved those in the margins, spoke truth to the legalistic Pharisees, walked on water, turned water into wine, said he loved all of us and said he was going to die for us and then he did.

As I’ve heard many times: when faced with Jesus, you only get to decide three conclusions: he’s either liar, lunatic or Lord. You can not. CAN. NOT. read about the life of Jesus and just decide he was a good person.

Either he was another liar pretending to be a Savior or a blasphemous lunatic as the Pharisees claimed, either of which makes him NOT a good person. Or, he really is who he said he was–the Son of God.

Remember Our Relationship

Throw out nature, historical books and the Bible, all I need to do is remember my personal experiences to remember that my faith is authentic.

I’ve had too many personal experiences with a holy God to believe he’s anything other than real.

I’ve been moved physical, spiritually and emotionally by some mysterious force that no one can explain, and no one should. There’s more to life than what you can see and touch. I’ve experienced it, can name it and for those, I give my life to this Jesus.

And that’s when I find myself back to my faith. I make the decision over and over again that He’s Lord.

I don’t write this to start a debate but perhaps encourage another believer in their doubt or maybe encourage someone in their utter unbelief.

I am curious though, what helps you believe? What’s hard for you to believe?

Where was Jesus?

July 2, 2013 by Amy 17 Comments

Trigger Warning: sexual abuse.

While we were in Palm Beach, we visited Barnes and Noble. I love the Christian section of the book store because it feels like my blog “friends’” jump out of my phone and onto the shelves.

I scan the authors and see so many familiar names…Jennie Allen, Justin and Trisha Davis, Steven Furtick, Jonathan Martin, Jen Hatmaker, Beth Moore, Angie Smith. I’m not really friends with any of them personally but after reading hundreds of tweets and blog posts from them, it feels like it at times. It makes my heart happy to see voices that I love online are also sitting on shelves for nonbloggers to pick up too.

As I scanned the shelves last week, I felt pulled towards a book by John Eldredge called Beautiful Outlaw. I’d never read any of his books but I knew many men had enjoyed Wild at Heart. The book’s subtitle is “Experiencing the playful, disruptive, extravagant personality of Jesus.”

I had brought Beth Moore’s 90 Days with Jesus study to Palm Beach and figured it would be a good companion read but it was more than that. I knew I was supposed to read that book.

And I did.

Friday evening there was a big storm in Palm Beach. We were inside but had the glass doors open as it poured. The lightning seemed to strike across the parking lot at times and the thunder reverberated loud over the nearby water. Scott was watching TV and I read my new book, trying not to move too much so my fresh sunburn wouldn’t sting.

I had already spent the morning in awe of God. The great expanse of the ocean always evokes such reverence and reading the first part of Beautiful Outlaw reminds you just how much you can experience God anywhere.

The storm seemed to only enforce thoughts of his mighty hand.

I came to a chapter near the end of Beautiful Outlaw called “Letting Jesus Be Himself – Encounters.” It detailed out some very specific encounters people had that were clearly experiences with God.

One in particular talked about a young man named David who had been experiencing depression. I wish I could just copy and paste the entire few pages but what happens is they pinpoint the root of his depression as shame. There had been an encounter with a teacher where he had agreed in his spirit that he was stupid and since then had never felt like he measured up.

John is describing his conversation with David and says he had David revisit the conversation and then talked about whether Jesus was there. David says Jesus was there, between him and the teacher and was facing David, as if shielding him. David was so relieved to know Jesus was there and cared. John asked him to renounce the agreement he was stupid and asked Jesus to take him out of the memory and to give him freedom.

He did and says John says David left his office that day “more hopeful, lighter, with a sense of drawing closer to Jesus than he had experienced for years.”

As I finished reading this, I bolted for the slippery tiled porch where the storm was just inches away and plopped down on a wet towel stretched across a plastic chair and cried.

I had a memory that I needed to return to and see where Jesus was.

I’m battling not sharing the full details but I sense that I need to.

I don’t have personal memories of what I’m going to describe. My mom told me about this when I was about 10 or 11. She said she had prayed that I wouldn’t remember it and I still cannot to this day recall any images from that time.

When I was just about 4 years old, I was with a male neighbor in our apartment complex and he asked me to pull my pants down for him. I apparently said no and bolted to my mom.

Even though technically “nothing happened”, I’d be lying if I said even just the thought of the question hasn’t affected me.

I learned in adoption training that children that are abused as babies may have no recollection of the abuse, but their bodies remember and the effects come out in different ways later on that lead them back to the abuse.

So I asked Jesus to take me back to that memory, or what I have constructed as that memory, and looked to see where he was.

At first, Jesus, was turned towards me and I was overcome with gratitude that he had protected me and given me wisdom and courage to run out of there. But then, Jesus was very clear that he was turning around and facing the man.

Since I don’t have memories, I don’t really know what happened but Jesus was speaking to my spirit that he was taking care of his consequences for me. I didn’t need to worry about whether the law was called or whether he felt bad or whether he ever thought of that time again or anything. Jesus was, and is, taking care of it. Of him. Of me.

I felt such overwhelming relief and peace. As I listened to the storm rage around me as tears flowed through my fingers, I could sense Jesus telling me the same power that was moving the storm could take care of it. Jesus had been there and was still there taking care of me.

Every time I recall that image now, Jesus is standing facing the man, blocking my view of him. He’s not moving, not wavering, not even glancing at me. He’s got it.

Jesus was there and even if in your situation something technically did happen, he was there and he hates it. He hates what happened to you. He’ll take care of you and can heal your heart if you let him.

Friends, this is why I love Jesus. Not because I’m scared of hell or because it’s the right thing to do. I love Jesus because he continually invades my life in a very personal way and fills in the gaps that not one other person can fill.

I write about this love because I’m desperate for others to know this freedom and peace. We do not have to live in our past with hurt and pain and defeat. Jesus came to give us victory. It’s not just about defeating death for salvation. The victories are for the very personal, the very specific, the very hidden hurts in our lives.

I don’t want to suggest that professional counseling may not be necessary. I’m no counselor or expert. Jesus just wants you to know that he revealed himself to me and can do the same for you.