spiritual stuff

Grace for the Good Girl and Summer of 7 #worldscollide

August 10, 2012 by Amy 4 Comments

Irony hangs thick as I write this post. The good girl in me wants to share this post and talk about how Grace for the Good Girl has helped and yet the good girl in me also doesn’t want to share my vulnerable side and have to say I don’t have it all figured out. Bear with me.

Good girl. It’s a label I’ve carried as long as I remember. So when Emily Freeman announced her book Grace for the Good Girl last year, I knew I needed to read it. But honestly? I had thought I was mostly over my good girl issues.

Like books are wont to do, this book sat on my bookshelf until it felt like the right time to read it. Finally, this summer when Emily announced a summer book club for Grace for the Good Girl, I felt like it was time.

I’ll be honest and say I read it at arm’s length. I had a hard time relating to the masks she described. At the end of the book, I was frustrated there wasn’t a 12 step program to fix my good girl tendencies that I did recognize. Clearly I wasn’t getting it.

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Last week for my media fast I was hit hard with how and why I use social media in particular. I saw a bunch of ugly when I wrote it all down. I’m still dealing with all the people-pleasing mess. More than anything though I realized that the lack of media equaled margin. Margin for God to speak. I wrote in my journal:

I shut off each switch: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest. Each turned to off and unbeknownst to me, it was the on switch for God. God talks to me all the time but this switch was a permission slip to go into the halls of my heart and walk, showing me doors I wouldn’t have seen before, close some, open some. Why did I wait, I wonder in the quiet. If God is waiting here in the fast, the sacrifice, am I really sacrificing all the other times? Has God been inviting me to the feast and I’ve settled for the famine?

From there, I pondered the balance between silence and social media. I still don’t have the answers but it was clear to me that the lack of media = margin.

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On the Thursday of my media fast, I attended Emily’s book club meeting at her church in Greensboro. She told her story, some of what was in the book but other that was not. In those 30 minute or so, through glassy eyes I completely connected with Emily’s good girl story. I knew it was mine too and I still have issues. My good girl tendencies aren’t a thing of the past. I also realized how funny Emily is. I hope you all get to hear her speak or meet her one day so you’ll see.

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When I got home, I reread almost the whole book. In some strange way, I was reading it with a new voice, with new eyes and a new heart. I realized that 12 step program is a one step at a time program and led by the Spirit. And for me, I needed more margin for that.

In one fell swoop, Summer of 7 and book club collided. It was almost as if both efforts had been orchestrated by some great planner or something *cough cough*.

I had to get rid of the excess of media so I could have more margin to live by the Spirit and not be dictated by my feelings and people pleasing ways.

The hard part is I’m not there yet. I haven’t figured out a balance. I still try to manage and control. I still people-please. I don’t have it all figured out. But I took a step. And that’s something.

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If the phrase “good girl” or “people pleaser” has ever applied to you, I’d recommend Grace for the Good Girl for you. And if you have a teen or young adult, watch out for Emily’s teen and young adult version next month, Graceful.

To Emily, I know what it’s like to bear all your ugly mess so from one recovering good girl to another, let me get in line and give a heartfelt thank you.

Me and Emily in Greensboro at her home church

As for Jen and Summer of 7, I’m planning a separate wrap-up post to see all that God has done this summer! Stay tuned!

The Lord Provides

August 6, 2012 by Amy 13 Comments

Sweaty hands type hesitant words. My desire in writing this is not to glorify me. For some, I know you’re going to feel that way no matter what I say, but just in case there is doubt for those that will believe me, I want to clear up I don’t really want to write this post.

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When I woke up last Saturday morning to start my media week for Summer of 7 and wasn’t sure what to do with myself and I spent time with the Lord, He immediately knocked the wind out of me and told me I needed to quit my job. I have always wanted to stay home with my girls but have never felt released to do so. You’d think I’d feel some elation but all I felt was panic. How would we survive? As much as I respect my husband’s job, it would be very difficult to make all our current bills on its pay.

For the whole day I started running numbers in my head. I even made lists in my journal of bills that would need to go. After several hours, I handed my journal to Scott and he read where I thought God was leading me to quit. Scott has always said he’d support me if I were to quit but was never been keen on having to live extremely frugal. He didn’t have much of an initial reaction. We both spent the rest of the evening and night in deep thought about how we’d make it work. Saturday evening he talked about the extra jobs he could take. I felt horrible about giving up a well-paying job and then making him work even harder than he does.

On Sunday morning, Scott even told the kids. “Mommy might be quitting.” Surprisingly, the girls were not fans. Scott said later, “Maybe he wants to just see if we’re willing.” I agreed, but I was pretty clear on what he told me Saturday morning. It was clear-cut that I needed to quit. I continued to pray about it.

Sunday afternoon during my quiet time, God then clearly said “Amy, don’t do it.” After Scott’s comment, the story of Abraham and Isaac came to mind. God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac as a test. Genesis 22:1 “Some time later God tested Abraham.” Just before Abraham took a knife to his son, God cried out, “Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.” So Abraham was tested to see if he truly feared God. When Abraham looked up, he saw a ram in the thicket and sacrificed it in Isaac’s place. Genesis 22:25 says Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide.

I’m not trying to say my story is like Abraham’s. Quitting my job is a far cry from sacrificing my children. However, the principle of that story was relatable. When I looked back in my journal, I saw the list of expenditures I identified as excess, things that we have just because we can. If forced, they are not necessary. I felt it was clear looking at those, that they were my ram. God had asked me to sacrifice my job, but only to test me and then point me to another sacrifice, one that would be an offering to say that the Lord provides.

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So perhaps this sounds silly and not worth all this dramatic intro but today I called and suspended DirecTV. Yesterday we bought a HD antennae and Roku box so we would have basic channels, Netflix and HuluPlus. The hardware will be paid off within 3 months of what it would have taken to pay DirecTV. We’re paying $7.99 for HuluPlus monthly and then after that, we have a total monthly savings of about $55 a month.

We will be using that money to intentionally and automatically fund something for good.

Please hear that I’m not throwing that in anyone’s face. Hey, look what we’re doing! Look how bad all you cable subscribers are! It’s not my intent.

What I think God wants people to hear is there’s a different way.

Those things culture says you deserve, you must have, are required, are, in fact, not.

I asked God to please confirm our decision. Yesterday at church, the sermon was about how God’s blessing is not for us, but for us to be conduits of his blessings to reach the nations. How much more confirmation could I get?

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Katrina and I met the first week in July and one of the things we talked about is believing we should find our “required operating expenses” and then be able to give generously above that. The linchpin is finding your required operating expenses. Is DirecTV required? Are weekly lattes required? Are two cars required? Is 2500 square feet required? The more we can reduce these operating expenses, the more we can give.

We’re still on that journey. I don’t claim to live this out perfectly by any means. In fact, I hate putting this out there because then I feel like I have an expectation out there to live a certain way. However, I believe through my week of media fast, God showed us this one operating expense that wasn’t required. There was a different way. A sacrificial way.

There’s a part of me that still screams that we work hard enough to deserve it. There’s a part of me that’s screaming that $50 a month isn’t going to make a difference.

Don’t let culture tell you differently, being a giving tree is painful. I am loving Jeff Goins’ brand new book Wrecked. He said if your giving feels good, you’re doing it wrong. I’m not elated about this sacrifice. I’m going to miss the DVR, Scott’s going to miss Megan Kelly on Fox News and the girls are already missing the Disney channel.

But it’s in these small decisions that change is made. The Lord is providing for someone or something and God is using us to be the giving tree. And for me, He provides life and purpose and thankfulness. Guess how much more thankful I feel for my job? Guess how much more I want to use what He gives for good? Guess how much more purpose my job has? Guess how much more we get to teach our kids about sacrifice and giving? Guess how much more time we’ve reclaimed from excess media?

The Lord provides. Indeed.

Media Week

August 4, 2012 by Amy 7 Comments

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Summer of 7 Media week has been my best week in years. Years. Last Friday night when I shut the TV off, walked away from my computer and deleted all my iPhone apps I was sure, I mean SURE, I would be counting down the hours last night until I could get back on the Internet.

I was wrong.

I was counting how many more hours of the quiet I could savor.

Media week was so good. Like, so good. I felt as if a weighty fog had been lifted from around me and I was left with life. Just simple life. I could do what I want and think what I wanted without filtering it through 1,000s of other people.

Social Media

Now, don’t get me wrong, when I woke up on Saturday I had no clue what to do with myself. Like, literally, I did not know what to do after getting out of bed.

What do I do next when I can’t tell someone what I’m going to do?

What do I do when the view doesn’t have to be just-so so it makes a good Instagram picture?

Where is Facebook to tell me all the cool things going on today?

I did not realize until that moment just how influenced my day to day activities were by YOU. And even more than that, by COMPANIES trying to tell me what to do with my time.

By day two or three it felt like 1994 again. And I don’t mean I was wearing Birkenstocks. I mean, I just did life and it didn’t matter what people thought. It didn’t matter what it was going to look like. It didn’t matter what I was wearing. It didn’t matter when I left or when I got back. I just did my thing and enjoyed it.

And more than that, I felt like a super secret spy doing fun! things! that no one knew about. I went to a picnic and a baseball game and an outing with my daughters and a bloggy meetup out of town! Someone had to buy Facebook event attendees at Social Media Daily so that the place would get full. And I know it sounds weird but I got to hold them all close to my heart and they were all mine. You have to understand I’ve been on Twitter answering “what are you doing?” for 5 years. I’ve been blogging now for 11 years. For eleven years I’ve been airing nearly my every move. I had forgotten what it was like to just BE.

I felt free as a bird.

And don’t even get me started on how much I enjoyed not seeing the phrase Chick-fil-A all up in my face.

But I did miss the people. I love to hear when you’re happy and mad and frustrated and I just love sharing life with people online. But you pay for it. You really do.

The Internet

I also restricted myself from the Internet as a whole.

Can I just say you don’t really need the Internet as much as you think you do? OK, *I* don’t need it as much as *I* think I do.

I mean, it’s nice to look up recipes and the weather and what movie that guy was in 1996 but really? You don’t NEED it as much as you assume.

I didn’t look on the Internet for one single thing.

I looked up recipes in cookbooks and talked to people when I had questions about my garden. I looked at the sky for the weather report and called a phone number for my bank account balance. The rest just fell away.

I did miss reading blogs and dearly missed writing here but ya’ll, the break from it was just so good.

TV

And TV?

I didn’t miss it at all.

I mean, I sort of hate I missed seeing the great Olympic moments this week. I did. But I enjoyed my time so much in the quiet that I would not trade it for a single second of a high dive.

What’s Next?

So am I writing it all off?

Nope. I still believe there’s value in connecting with folks online. I really, really do. But there are some things that have to change for me.

You know what I did Saturday morning when I had no clue what to do? I stayed in bed and opened my Bible and cracked open a notebook and I read and I prayed and I listened and I wrote. And I did that over and over all week. I realized that I need more of that and less of media.

I’ve been batting around ideas on how to do that. Do I fast the first 3 days of the month? Do I only allow certain hours of the day? The last thing I want to do is be legalistic about it but I do know I want something different now. I need margin.

These details are just the tip of the iceberg. I have pages and pages of things I could share of what happened in the quiet. I’m leaning on the Spirit to lead me on what to share but initially I just want to say God is good and faithful in our sacrifices. He’s there just waiting on you to give Him some of your time. I’m here to say it’s worth it, so worth it, to click that little “X” and listen to the quiet.

Words

July 25, 2012 by Amy 8 Comments

I finished a book Kaitlin sent me last night called Thirteen Reasons Why. It’s a teen novel based around a girl that commits suicide. Now, before you check out, it’s not as depressing as it sounds.

The premise of the book is before the girl commits suicide, she records a tape for each of the 13 different people (reasons) that she pinpointed that led to her death. Before she dies, she sends the tapes to the first person on the list and then insists they listen to all of them, pass it on to the next person and if anyone fails to do it, the tapes are released to the public.

One boy that she did like and liked her is on the list and that’s who we follow as he listens to all the tapes.

It may seem a little grotesque to read an entire novel which serves as a suicide note but the story reads like a murder mystery, each chapter unfolding how the person affected this girl’s life.

I finished it in 3 sittings and I can’t shake the book from my mind today.

As you can imagine, many themes emerge from the book but I walked away remembering we’re all connected and even the tiniest of encounters, words, or actions can greatly affect those around us, even if they aren’t directly said or done unto a person.

I thought specifically about gossip and how I really have struggled with that over the years. Not that I made up lies and spread them or purposely spread untrue things. But I think at some points in my life I prided myself in knowing something another person didn’t. It took a few times of breaking confidence and hurting people’s feelings that I learned my job was not filling a person in on the finer points of someone else’s life.

Gossip is not just hateful or untrue talk. It’s ANY chit-chat over someone else’s personal life. Sure, there’s a time and place for talking about specific situations but overwhelmingly, it’s just plain old gossip.

Proverbs 18:8 from the Message says it like this: Listening to gossip is like eating cheap candy; do you really want junk like that in your belly?

It’s junk. Just plain old junk.

Track your conversations for a week and you’ll see pretty fast if this is an issue. If it is, stop it. I can say this because I had to say it to myself at one point. Just quit talking about e’erbody else!

In the book, you really see the affect of gossip and people’s opinions of each other. They drove this poor girl to her death. Let’s not believe the lie that our words don’t have the same power.

Curious, I looked up in the Bible about words and I determined there’s only two ways it refers to words. Life and death. That’s it.

Either your words are defiling, rash, corrupting, obscene, angry, careless, wrath-provoking, foolish OR your words are healing, graceful, life-giving, salty, gentle, satisfying, and joy-inducing.

Which is it?

Let’s be a people whose words heal and not hurt.

A Giving Tree

July 17, 2012 by Amy 12 Comments

“Sell your possessions and give to the poor.”

What does that command conjure up in your head?

For me, I imagined a slow, painful process of emptying my house, suffering through innumerable yard sales and Craigslist transactions until we were sitting on milk crates in the living room, with no pictures on the wall and only enough clothes in our closets for a week.

Seriously.

I thought that was the end goal.

While I’ve been doing Spending week(s) for Summer of 7, I think God gave me a little insight into this idea. Perhaps I’m behind the ball on this idea but he showed me that selling our possessions and giving to the poor does not mean that we are left with nothing.

In fact, what I find in God’s economy is when he takes away, he always gives back in abundance.

He Replenishes

I have always been enamored with trees. I can remember learning to draw trees in fifth grade art and just loving that I could do that. I would go years. I mean, years trying to draw trees. I still to this day try to draw a great tree when me and the girls are drawing. I have many pictures and art pieces of trees in my house. I always choose the tree if I have to pick out an image somewhere.

I love trees.

Weeping willow is my favorite, if you’re wondering.

While thinking about selling what I had in order to give, I thought about Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree. Have you read that because it’s just the most beautiful story of giving. In sort of the same vein, I thought about how fruit trees are made to give. They bloom their flowers and give forth fruit. The fruit is taken but the tree doesn’t die. It’s not left with nothing.

God created the tree to bear even more fruit. In fact, if you take some branches at the end of the season too and not just the fruit, it is quite healthy for the tree and will produce even more fruit.

You see this concept of taking and replenishing everywhere in nature.

I thought about Job and how God took every single thing he had and then when he stood strong, in the end it says “the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before”. God took but he still provided in abundance.

Be a Conduit

I went back to the verse in Luke where it talks about selling your possessions and the whole section is that part about not worrying. About how the wildflowers grow and the birds eat. They don’t worry and God takes care of them.

Towards the end, it says he is pleased to give us the kingdom. And in conclusion of all that he says, and yeah, so since I’m going to take care of you, sell your possessions and give to the poor.

I think God was just showing me I’m supposed to be a tree.

He’s going to give me what I need. At some point, these things I own are no longer meant to be mine and I’m supposed to sell them and give the money to the poor. I ought not hoard the money and chase after more things. He’s going to provide. My job is to be conduit of the fruit.

He gives me things, beautiful things, like he gives a cherry tree its beautiful blossoms every year. The branches stretch and say look at these beautiful flowers God gave me. They produce delicious, beautiful, ripe fruit. But then the fruit is taken for others.

But God always starts the cycle again.

I want to be a tree. A beautiful conduit of his fruit. Whether that fruit be spiritual fruit of mercy and grace and forgiveness or whether it physically be these things he gives me or the money I earn from them, I want to pass it on.

Have Less

If you take it a step further, then, and you begin viewing yourself as a conduit, the buying of “all the things” in the first place begins to make a lot less sense.

Dani and I held our Garage Sale for Orphans on Saturday and we would have these moments where we’d stop and just look at all the stuff and say why did we buy all this in the first place? Do you know how many people could have been helped while this stuff sat in our attics?

The ultimate idea, then, is not to buy, sell, give cyclically, but to simply give.

I keep waiting for God to tell me my spending fast is over but you know, I think I’m permanently done. I’m done with it being all about me. I’m fine with buying nice things and enjoying them and displaying and being grateful for God’s beautiful gifts but my perspective is changed.

I’m done with all the Target end caps and Wal-Mart plastics.

I’m just done.

Give More

I started this post talking about how God replenishes and never leaves you with nothing. I think that’s sort of set up for failure because one might think the idea is to give so God will bless you. I think what we miss though is if we get this mindset of being a conduit, when he begins replenishing, he’s then not replenishing you in abundance but replenishing others in abundance but in an awesome way using you to do it.

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to be a Giving Tree.

And just guessing, but this could be fun.

I know we’ve probably all read this passage a zillion times, but just read it again with this perspective and see how much more it makes sense.

2 Corinthians 9:6-11

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written:

“They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor;
their righteousness endures forever.”

Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.

Awesome, right?

You know what’s awesomer? Today’s my birthday and I’d really love it if my birthday could be a conduit for something GOOD.

Real Hope for Haiti is a medical clinic in Haiti. They’re trying to raise money to get another container shipped from the States with much needed supplies. Hop over and donate to help them out? You are awesome! Thanks!

Together for Our Good

July 15, 2012 by Amy 21 Comments

I favorited that tweet by author Anne Lamott a few months back. Instinctively I knew I would need this reminder. The moment is here. A story needs telling and not everyone, including myself, will be shed in the best light. But it’s my story, my experience and I think there’s value in sharing.

If there is anything I learned while writing Entangled last year, it’s that your darkest moments shine the brightest when taken out of the shadows. I’ve had some dark moments over the last week. May I take them out of the shadows with you?

Last Wednesday morning I found out that when we were in Hilton Head doing this, my nephew broke into our house and stole 2 shot guns to pawn for money.

Scott waited overnight Tuesday to tell me because he didn’t want to see me react the way I did—a bursting of tears from the soul. Violation. Both of physical property and emotional bond.

The next 36 hours was near torture.

On Wednesday afternoon, we found out there was a 3rd shotgun taken and he admitted to it.

And then minutes later, I found my jewelry missing. Two necklaces, 5 rings, and a bracelet that Scott gave me while we were dating. My high school ring. A wedding set I wore while I was pregnant. Just as I type this, I remembered two more rings from my childhood missing. My nephew denied taking them.

Although I knew he had, I began worrying about our safety. If he truly didn’t take them, who else had been in my house? When? How? What else is gone? Do we need a security system?

I was experiencing so many emotions. I was furious that he would do this when we’ve done so much for him. My personal space felt violated in the worst way. And I was just sad for him. He knows better and I want so much more for him than this.

We debated about if and how to charge him. He’s done this before. He got arrested for the same thing just a week before we went to Hilton Head and has not been charged for similar acts in the past. It was salt on wounds that he did this yet again.

We knew he needed some consequences but ultimately know he needs the Lord. What was the best path for him? We were solely responsible for his future. If we pushed, he could sit in prison for 30 years. Would he find healing there or in an intervention program offered to him?

We talked to the detective on his pending case and got our options. By Thursday evening, my nephew decided to talk to Scott, something he had always denied him in the past. We just wanted to understand why all the stealing was necessary. He’d been out of work at times but the amount of money he had gotten was just not necessary for his lifestyle.

While talking to Scott on Friday, he confessed to a prescription drug problem and also to taking my jewelry.

When Scott told me he admitted to taking my jewelry, I’ve never experienced quite so many emotions. Validation for knowing he had done it. Hurt that he had done it. Grief knowing I would never see those meaningful pieces again. I will never be able to give my girls my high school ring. I can’t let them wear the heart diamond necklace he gave me on Valentine’s Day. I don’t even have my own choice of selling them for gold. Even relief flooded when I knew I didn’t have to worry that someone else had been in my house.

Scott decided, with counsel from many different directions, that charging him was the right way to go. He has an intervention program available to him so, if followed, he will not have extended jail time.

So as we worked Friday night to prepare our yard sale, raising money for orphans, our nephew was being booked into jail.

Life and death. I was sacrificing on all accounts.

C.S. Lewis was right. Christianity isn’t for the faint of heart.

I had every right to swear my nephew off. To say I’m done. Please don’t come near me again. But I know. I know, I know, I know that Satan is prowling like a lion. He’s here to steal, kill and destroy.

Scott told me about the jewelry just minutes before I had to go get Emma from camp Friday. That was supposed to be my most joyous moment of the week. Satan wanted to steal my joy.

Our last garage sale for orphans was planned and then thwarted the week my grandfather died. He couldn’t stop this one from happening, but he wanted to steal the joy in this one.

He wants to destroy my nephew’s life.

He wants to steal our family’s joy and unity.

He really wants us to give up on my nephew.

I hate everything Satan wants.

My only weapons against him are not hate and revenge but things like truth and love.

I believe God is a just god and that is why I have no qualms that we charged him. He ought to pay consequences. But we can’t let hate take over. Love covers a multitude of sins.

God is this beautiful balance of justice and mercy, both at full tilt, that I cannot wrap my head around.

I’ve been praying since Wednesday morning that God would give me forgiveness. I see some family members angry and bitter over things from decades past and I don’t want a life like that. It’s a miserable life to lead. Miserable for them and everyone around them.

So Scott, being the leader and general better person than me in a lot of ways, invited my nephew to church this morning. My first reaction? I really don’t care to see him and I doubt he shows. I prayed this morning that God would give me grace. Grace to a grace killer. It reminded me of Pete Wilson’s church’s reaction when they expected Westboro church to picket at Cross Point this morning.

It’s easy to gather your possessions and sell them for the orphans in Haiti. They don’t deserve what they’ve been put through. But grace to the grace killer? That’s tough.

I was anxious the whole way to church. I debated whether I’d even speak to him. Would it be so bad if I slapped him in the face one good time?

Scott dropped us off at the front of the church and I was wriggling around, trying to help the girls with leftover donuts we were taking in. When I finally got settled and turned around to go in and looked up, my nephew was standing just 6 feet away. He was early for church, showered and dressed and looking like he might be expecting a slap in the face.

As if I had no choice in the matter, I walked over and threw my arms around him and said, “I love you.” He said I love you too and apologized. I said thank you and that I was glad he was there and he said, “Me too.” I told him to wait on Scott while he parked and took the kids into church.

The girls had no idea what had just transpired. The people around couldn’t guess what was between the two people that had just hugged in front of the church doors. Just another Sunday morning greeting.

I cried most of the way through worship with Scott on my left and my nephew on the other side of him and my friend on my right holding my hand, having no clue what had been happening but knowing something was very wrong.

The preacher, not knowing what had transpired, seemed to talk directly to us. We have to let go of what we feel entitled to for greater things God has planned. Me, my possessions for my nephew’s future, and my nephew, his lifestyle for his own future.

And then we were asked to have communion—something we only do every few months.

I knew I couldn’t hold hate in my heart and take communion. I cried and prayed and asked the Lord to help me forgive. This moment would be the end of my hate. Not the end of the story, but the end of the hate. Satan is not going to win this battle. I took communion with teary eyes but a praising heart. They played 10,000 Reasons, the same song that had ministered to our family just weeks before during my grandfather’s funeral.

Church ended and my nephew and I exchanged hugs, I love yous and apologies again. I did so knowing it’s a long road in front of us. He could, and probably will, hurt us again. There are probably things from the past he’s done against us we don’t even know about.

But I know this and I want you to know it too. God is good and he works everything together for our good. Sometimes he allows us to sacrifice as he did but it’s never without purpose. In those moments, we have to open our hands from our earthly treasures and the hate in our heart so God can replace them with his good and perfect gifts. I may never have my earthly treasures but today peace and forgiveness and love and unity wins.

Saying Goodbye to Pap and a Wink from God with Summer of 7

July 1, 2012 by Amy 10 Comments

We buried my grandfather this weekend (pictured above in the center). He was a good, sweet man who worked hard and loved his family. I kept expecting to completely lose it. I expected it when I saw my mom or when we drove past his house or at the viewing or the funeral or the burial or when we drove past his house in the procession. But the truth is I just keep chanting, he’s with Jesus, he’s with Jesus. Perhaps it’s a defense mechanism or something but I just keep chanting it. He’s with Jesus. And I get to be there too one day. Jesus is our sure hope. I will miss him and my heart hurts especially for family, no doubt. But Jesus is our peace and comfort. I have felt your prayers so surely this weekend and I so appreciate them.

While we experienced the tragedy of losing our family member, many people experienced a physical storm over the weekend on the East coast. Some are saying they won’t have power for a week. Fourteen are dead at last count.

I do not claim to be the center of attention in either of these tragedies this past week but may I say that in a very minuscule way I got to see a slice of God taking care of me in my Summer of 7 endeavors related to both of them?

In the Clothing

I was in the middle of clothing week when I got the news about my grandfather and I was ready to scrap it, of course, if I needed to dress more appropriate to the occasion. As it turned out though, the viewing was on Friday and the funeral was on Saturday. Friday was my last day of clothing. And I realized that I had my black dress from one of my 7 items. I decided it was appropriate to the occasion and it gave me the ability to keep my commitment to Summer of 7. And more than that, my mom and I decided that any eye makeup was probably pointless so I went makeup-less too.

I picked those items well before we knew this was even a sliver of chance happening and I just can’t help but think God took care of that little, little detail for me when I picked out my 7 items.

In the Spending

I realized I started spending week on Saturday. We had plans to do a little shopping after the funeral on Saturday. We like to go to a few discount stores every time we visit back home and more often than not, I come home with a ton of books from one and clothes from the other–two of the main pain point areas I’d identified in my possessions week–and here I had a huge pitfall ahead making it worse.

We loaded up the car Saturday afternoon to go shopping and I was giving myself pep talks. You don’t need any books. You don’t need any clothes. And I know, know, know, the cause of the storm was not related to me but do you know the entire section of town that housed BOTH of the discount stores was ENTIRELY CLOSED due to a power outage from the storm? I mean, even McDonald’s, Walmart and the entire mall were out. The entire mall. And yes, these two discount stores.

The power outage wasn’t about me at all but it was like a prayer answered in such a unique, specialized way. I mean, what are the chances both stores would be closed on a sunny Saturday before July 4th? Let me tell you, little to zilch. But there they sat with empty parking lots and it was such a relief that it was no longer a temptation. Just writing this it reminds me of this verse:

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

I could have easily insisted that we go shopping before Saturday to make sure I got my spending in—in fact, my sister joked about it—but we didn’t and just at the moment I knew I would be tempted, there was a way out.

So, I finished out clothing and started out spending week with what I felt like was a wink from God. He may not have arranged any of it for me but it felt like he used it to say, I see you. I see your sacrifice and it’s not in vain.

If that is the beginning of spending week, I am looking forward to the rest.

Leftovers

June 6, 2012 by Amy 15 Comments

I’m going to be honest. Summer of 7 had me in a funk earlier today. I left a sleeping family this morning to drive in the rain for 45 minutes to go to the office and I was just a little irritated that I couldn’t have my once-a-week Starbucks like I normally do when I head to the office. I couldn’t even have my French pressed Dunkin Donuts. If I’ve missed anything this week I’ve missed coffee. I’m not addicted to the caffeine. I’ve had no headaches and I haven’t been tired. I just miss the smell and the warmth and it’s just plain comforting.

Then because I’m not doing take-out I had to take some leftovers from last night for lunch. Ranch chicken and a baked potato. I don’t want to sound whiny but I pretty much hate leftovers unless it’s Italian. And then our barely-there microwaves didn’t heat it well. And we were out of sour cream. So I was eating dry chicken with a reheated baked potato with only butter. With water. I hated lunch today.

I started giving myself a pep talk about how I should be grateful I have a job to take leftovers to and the fact that I had leftovers to take. But really the bottom line was the food was not good. So then I started thinking about people that struggle for food. I’ll admit I kind of always assumed that people that were hungry loved any food they got their hands on. But, you know. I’m pretty sure that’s not true. So I thought about how we’re feeling pretty good about giving people our excess during Summer of 7 and then I thought well that’s not so noble. Giving people what we don’t want, especially our seconds, doesn’t magically make someone ecstatic to have it. I thought about Alene’s post where she posted a letter from a former homeless person and how he said you always had to watch out for mold because many donated items were old. And then I thought about how God gave us his very best in Christ and it really made me think not just about giving but the quality of what we give.

If I were super hungry and someone had given me the dry chicken and the reheated potato I would have eaten it gratefully but I don’t know. I just don’t think giving leftovers is what Jesus would do.

Mark 12:41 Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.

Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

You can read more posts about the food week of Summer of 7 below: