Amy J. Bennett

9 Rules My Daughters Taught Me About Modesty

March 25, 2013 by Amy 32 Comments

I got an email from my friend the other day regarding a post she’d seen on women and modesty. After some conversation, she asked me how I handled the topic of modesty with my girls.

I answered that we’ve talked about modesty as we’ve gone along.

Foundation of Modesty

When they were younger, we’d run into the Barbie Basics collection at Target. Most of the girls are dressed even more inappropriately than a normal Barbie and I’d just calmly explain that I didn’t think they were dressed appropriately and I wasn’t going to spend my money on them.

As they’ve dressed, I’ve tried to guide them as we go. Those shorts are too short, you need a tank under that shirt or those pants are too tight.

Just this weekend we were watching an awards show and one girl was showing too much cleavage and Scott piped up that her dress was inappropriate.

My girls know the phrase that’s inappropriate.

The email got me thinking though. What have I taught my girls about modesty? Sure, I’ve given them rules but have I explained why it’s important?

Learning the Why

I read this post by Lysa TerKeurst the other day about how she taught her kids about texting and driving by getting them to teach her and her husband about the perils of texting and driving.

My girls are only 8 and 10 so that might seem too young to A, get them to make a presentation or B, have them reporting on modesty. But let me say. My girls can work Powerpoint almost as well as I can. And, if this news about Victoria’s Secret new undergarment line geared towards middle schoolers is any indication, I need to be teaching my girls about modesty. Pronto.

The Immodest Modesty Plan

So I had an idea.

I wanted to sit down with verses to explain the why and then see if they could report on some rules about modesty.

I was planning to somehow carefully cut pictures from magazines or Google pictures and let them sort through them and report back, but that just felt like a loaded gun.

And then it hit me.

I was going to dress up in (somewhat) immodest outfits and they were going to A-gag, B-tell me what was wrong and C-make a rule for how to dress that fixed it.

The Modesty Why

I had them read 1 Timothy 2:9

Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.

Immediately, they were asking why it mentioned no braided hair. Honestly, I sometimes struggle with that part and I think that’s why so many of us shirk away from teaching it.

I just explained that it’s more important to be beautiful because of the good things you do versus how you look, but the point was we should dress modestly and properly. (This commentary from David Guzik is a good one on the verse).

Then I had them read 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

I explained that since we have the Holy Spirit inside of us, our bodies are temples and valuable so we needed to dress like it—modestly, as the verse before explained. I asked them would it make sense to dress immodestly if you knew Jesus was with you. Lexi says “No, Jesus doesn’t want to see that!” Ah, I love her. Just for the record, Jesus has seen it all and can, in fact, handle it. But phrasing it that way helps their minds process the Holy Spirit.

I then explained that the Bible wasn’t specific about exactly what we could wear—shorts, dresses, bikinis, etc so I was going to play dress-up and we could decide together what was modest.

Writing the Modesty Rules

I was a little scared it might backfire because my girls like to dress a little sassy when they play dress-up but oh, when I walked out with a T-shirt tied on the side up to my chest with my stomach showing all the way down to my low-cut jeans, the girls faces told me I’d done just the right thing.

You would have thought I’d just killed a puppy.

Mother! You need to pull your shirt down!

So, immediately they were writing down the first rule (in the ShowMe app ), Cover belly.

Next, I pulled out a shirt with a wide neck that I normally wear on my shoulders with an undershirt, but let it hang off one shoulder nearly down to my elbow until the top of my bra showed.

Oh my gosh! I can see your bra! You need to cover your shoulders!

Cover shoulders.

Make sure bra covered.

This was going better than I even expected.

Next, I put on a brightly printed bra under a thin white tank which I pulled down so you could see the very little amount of cleavage I have.

Cover boobs.

No light shirt, dark bra.

Scott walked in at this point with a very confused face. I think he really wanted to like the scenery but couldn’t process what was happening. The girls explained I was “homeschooling them about modesty.”

Next, I got some elastic gym shorts, folded the waist band down 3 times and pulled them up high. More gasping as I walked out. Your legs! Too much leg is showing!

Cover legs.

Next, I put on some tight yoga pants but kept my short tank on.

Pants not tight.

I decided to really drive home the point and pulled the sides of my underwear above the band my low rise jeans.

Mother, I can see your underwear!

Don’t show undies.

At this point, Lexi took over and said, let me show you inappropriate.

Y’all, you don’t even know how much that statement scared me.

She told me to put a tank top on, my short white shorts and my tall gold wedge heels.

She’s said that’s inappropriate.

They decided if I didn’t have the heels on, it seemed ok but when you combined all three, it was immodest.

No tank, shorts and heels.

At this point, I think they’d experience too much of inappropriate Mother and were ready to move on. I circled back and had them repeat the why and let them bounce back down the hall to their room. We had a total of 9 rules that would satisfy almost any immodest plight.

A Modesty Stake

Through this whole exercise I kept thinking about Emma and Lexi as teenagers. Maybe the sway of wanting boys to pay attention to them will overpower any sense of decency at times, but I can’t help but think this was a stake in the ground for them to point back at in those moments.

I hope they can look back in their minds and remember writing rules with their silly momma playing dress-up one afternoon and they’ll be more apt to listen when the Holy Spirit whispers, let’s do better than that, child.

Moms of daughters, how do you handle modesty? We still have a few more years to hammer this in, so I’m all ears.

P.S. Apologies to anyone offended by the descriptions of my outfits. Just be glad I didn’t include the pictures Lexi took.

To Walk or Stay

March 22, 2013 by Amy 9 Comments

What would you do if your husband cheated on you?

Could you stay? Or would you walk away?

Seriously, take a moment and consider.

It’d be hard to stay, wouldn’t it?

Lara Williams was put right in between those two questions after her husband stepped out and cheated–walk or stay?

While Scott and I traveled the road after an emotional affair, I’m honestly not sure how we would answer those questions if thrust into the same decisions. I hardly even like considering it.

But God was faithful to Lara and her husband when God asked her to travel the hard road of staying.

In her new book To Walk or Stay Lara shares just what it took spiritually to forgive and heal after such devastating circumstances.

God is our restorer and our healer and whether you’ve been through an affair, whether your marriage feels perfect right now or even if you’re single, I promise this book will teach you something.

You don’t survive, even thrive, after an affair without learning some valuable life lessons.

To Walk or Stay is a short 10 chapter book with discussion questions and a deeper dive after each chapter that is perfect for small group settings. Lara will be hosting a book club starting on April 15th. I highly recommend you grab a copy and plan to walk through the book with some accountability partners.

If you need a copy, Lara is hosting a giveaway today so go check that out.

To Walk or Stay is also available on Amazon. Don’t miss this one.

To Walk or Stay Promo Video from Lara Williams on Vimeo.

A New Thing

March 21, 2013 by Amy 12 Comments

(image credit)

Yesterday was the first day of Spring and I, for one, am ecstatic. I was definitely not made for winter. I survive winter and thrive in summer.

I can’t wait to plant my garden next month and peel back the cover on the pool—even if it is only halfway full because of an apparent hole in the liner. I can’t wait until the grass looks like something other than hay. I want to sweat in the car and complain 32 times a day to someone, “It is SO HOT. I can’t even breathe outside.” Seriously. Can’t wait.

I don’t know if you’ve felt it where you live but I can feel summer coming on. We’ve had some warm days over 70 and plants are starting to bloom. It’s coming.

This morning I was reading in my Valley of Vision book. Please don’t take me for more spiritually disciplined than I am. I’ve only been consistent for two days now. But I’m trying, as part of a new growth plan thing I want to tell you about soon, to read it every morning.

Today’s prayer was about the goodness of God and it struck me so hard that I stopped reading and did one of those Selah things from Psalms. You know where “Selah” is written out to the side and you’re supposed to stop and meditate on what you just read? Yeah, it was one of those moments.

It is an amazing thing to see Deity in a creature, speaking, acting, filling, shining through it;

That nothing is good but thee,

That I am near good when I am near thee,

That to be like thee is a glorious thing:

This is my magnet, my attraction.

I don’t often assign the word “Deity” to God. When I think of deities I think of the Roman and Greek gods we studied in school.

I started thinking about how our true God really did come in a creature, speaking and acting. And isn’t it amazing what kind of God he is? Some gods were too full of themselves to look away from their reflection, some were consumed with war and others, art. I’m not suggesting they were real. In fact, these are the very gods that those in the New Testament were trying to say were not real.

I just imagined if we had studied about Jesus in the same way and what we’d say about our God. He’s so loving and cares about the least of these and patient and slow to anger and just so darn good.

As I’ve been praying that God shows me how much he loves me, one day he just whispered to me, “I died for you, Amy, how else can I show you?”

Selah.

Isn’t that overwhelming? That our God, the one true God, when he came in a creature he loved us so much he died for us. Who, especially a deity, does that?

And so, that last line, “This is my magnet, my attraction,” communicates so much about how I’ve been feeling lately.

Just as spring is coming on, I feel like God is doing something new in me. I have this renewed sense of urgency to know him better. It’s just as it says, like a magnet. I’m drawn to him. It’s unexplainable and without logic but I am. I want to be so engulfed in him that it’s like summer and I say I can’t breathe! I want to be fully in his presence and overwhelmed with his love.

So I probably sound like that Jesus Freak T-shirt I wear and that’s ok with me. I think I’m done trying to pretend I’m not.

This is my magnet, my attraction.

What I Wore Wednesday – 3.20.2013

March 20, 2013 by Amy 4 Comments

It’s Wednesday! I share my outfits from the week with The Pleated Poppy’s What I Wore Wednesday.

I pair my outfits with inspirational photos. Read more about that here.

Source: fineartamerica.com viaAmy on Pinterest

Source: benignobjects.blogspot.com viaAmy on Pinterest

Source: photography.nationalgeographic.com viaAmy on Pinterest

Source: sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net viaAmy on Pinterest

I had a little epiphany about how I dressed after Allume last year when I started posting all these outfit and inspirational pictures.

I work from home most days and before then, it didn’t seem worth it to dress up on days I’d be home alone. In fact, for all of these outfits except one you see here, only a handful of people actually saw me. More people will see these outfits online than they will in person.

Even though I’m no fashionista, I love putting outfits together and I always have. I’ll never forget trying to find the EXACT purple slouch socks to wear in middle school. It matters to me. But somewhere along the line I convinced myself I was dressing just for others and I wasn’t worth putting in the effort.

I wish I could remember who said and in what context but they said dressing up even when you’re home alone is worth it because YOU are worth it.

Let me say it out loud I’M worth it. YOU are worth it. If you like clothes and dressing yourself up then by golly, do it and do it for YOU. God made all these beautiful colors and patterns for us to enjoy so let’s do it and without any guilt! When you understand WHY you’re enjoying it and it’s pointing us back to the Creator, it makes all the difference!

Let’s connect! Like Permission to Peruse on Facebook (where you can see some outtakes from my pictures). Follow me on Pinterest (where I post these inspirational pictures), Instagram (where you might see me in an outfit) or Twitter.

Make Gmail Work For You: Using Filters to Manage Your Inbox

March 18, 2013 by Amy 17 Comments

As a programmer, it’s my job to help develop systems that make people more efficient. However, I realize that technology sometimes makes us work harder. Let’s be clear: your technology should be working for you, not the other way around.

I’ve been doing some e-coaching with Holley Gerth over the past few weeks and in one of the assessments I realized that as much as I LOVE getting emails, managing my email account can be a huge drain. Lately, I’ve tired of waking up to an email account full of emails of ads from companies. Blech.

I’d subscribe here to get a coupon and then subscribe there to get a newsletter and over yonder to enter a contest and before long my inbox was a pain and a half to manage.

A few years ago {wow, it’s been 4!} I started using Quick Links and Tasks in Gmail to organize my inbox a little better. However, while Quick Links and Tasks are great for managing email you already have and want to keep, I still needed to manage the email as it was coming in.

This was a two-part solution for me. Stick with me because the post is long but it’s not hard.

Step One: Unsubscribe

This has nothing to do with Gmail but it must be said. We all need to step back every once in a while and spend the time to click “Unsubscribe here” at the bottom of those emails.

I seriously had an automated email from the Precious Moments web site. How? Why? I haven’t bought a Precious Moments figurine in about 15 years. I finally unsubscribed today after deleting the daily email for who knows how many days in a row.

However, there are some company ads that I’d like to receive for the sale alerts (Hello, Loft and Bath & Body Works), but I don’t feel like wading through them every morning. If I need something, I’d like to have it available, but not in my face. I’d rather have the emails from Sarah, Becky and Dani greeting me front and center.

Here’s where we get to step 2.

Step Two: Apply a Filter

This is where it gets fun. Gmail lets you apply filters to your email as it comes in.

So, let’s say there are emails from some person that you want to completely ignore but for whatever reason you can’t ask them to stop (or hate confrontation and don’t want to *cough*)…you can tell Gmail to skip your Inbox for those and send it right to the trash. Squee!

Or, let’s say you get emails from 3 or 4 different blogs and you want to organize them into one folder so you can check in at one time later. Just tell Gmail to skip the Inbox and archive it under a Label titled “Blogs”.

Let me show you step by step how to do this with those company ads I want to have handy, but not in my face.

First, click on the Gear icon in the top-right and then click Settings

In Settings, you’ll find a Filters tab

filtershome

I don’t know why they make it hard to find, but at the bottom of the Filters tab, look for “Create New Filter”

createnew

Click there and you’ll get a pop-up.

newfilter

*rubbing my hands together*

Here’s where the magic begins.

The first step here tells Gmail what to search for when an email comes in. I’ve found the very easiest thing to use is the email address where the emails are coming from. For example, Bath & Body Works uses “bathandbodyworks@e.bathandbodyworks.com” to send their emails. Likely you won’t know it off-hand so just find an email in your inbox from them and copy the from email address and paste it into the “From” box above.

Additionally, you can even include the Subject or even any words that might be in the email but I didn’t find that necessary.

You might want Bath & Body Works “3-wick candle” emails but not their “lotion” emails.

Once you tell Gmail how to find the email, click the “Create filter with this search” on the bottom right. It’s hard to miss in light gray.

OK, THIS is the magic. Tell Gmail what to do with the email. Do you want it to Archive it? Delete it? Forward it?

filteroptions

What I did for my company ads is checked the “Skip the Inbox (Archive it)” and “Apply the label” and selected a new label I created called “Ads”.

So, the next time I get an email from Bath & Body Works, I don’t see it in my inbox, it shows up under the label “Ads” (accessible in the left sidebar) as an unread email. If I wanted to, I could also “Mark as read” and it wouldn’t even flag it as a new email.

After a few days of emails, it turned out there were about 25 emails I wanted to continue receiving but didn’t need to manage on a daily basis. That’s at least 25 clicks I’m saving every single morning not counting the many I unsubscribed from.

Now, once a day, or even every few days I can quickly scan my Ads folder and easily tick my Select All check box and Delete. Way easier than wading through my main inbox!

Listen, I know filters on email accounts aren’t a new thing but I think the point is a lot of us don’t take the time to actually make them work for us.

Hope that helps and let me know how you have filters working for you!

Forward this post to your fellow Gmailers–I’m sure they won’t want to filter you out. {Heh. Sorry, it was too easy.}

This post is linked to ProBlogger’s Group Writing Project

Great Wolf Lodge

March 18, 2013 by Amy 2 Comments

In a perfect storm of a teacher workday at school, Scott’s day off and a day off from work for me, we were able to spend Thursday night at Great Wolf Lodge in Concord, NC.

We had a fantastic time when we went for the girls’ birthday back in October and we couldn’t wait to get in another visit as soon as we left last time.

A few things shifted this time though.

First off, we invited Emma’s best friend from school. I still remember fondly the days of vacations with friends and it was so fun to provide that for another generation.

This little friend is quickly becoming a part of the family. I think the girls have spent the night with each other 3 weekends in a row now. She loves being with us and we love being with her.

Also this time, we skipped on the big passes on every activity (bowling, Magiquest, salon, Cub Club. creation station) and let the water park be the star of the show.

The girls spent time splashing around in the pool,

rode the waves in the wave pool,

got dumped on by the infamous water bucket,

mastered the lily pads,

and rode the water slides.

And in between, I was catching up on reading {this is my favorite part of vacations!}. But that’s what I love…I feel safe enough at Great Wolf Lodge to let the kids have a little freedom.

It’s a contained area with a ton of lifeguards that are really serious about their jobs. I didn’t feel like I had to watch them like hawks because I knew there were 3 or 4 other people being paid to do just that.

Thursday night we let them hit the arcade.

where Emma won big at one of the games.

By the time we left Friday afternoon, we were already wondering when we were going back.

I’d say if you have the chance, try to experience Great Wolf Lodge at least once. They have a great area just for little ones and we saw many teenagers having a great time as well. There are 11 Great Wolf Lodge destinations around the country and I can’t imagine it’d be anything less than a terrific time.

Disclosure: Great Wolf Lodge provided a special media rate for our stay

Twitterature – March 2013

March 15, 2013 by Amy 8 Comments

My blog-friend Anne, aka Modern Mrs. Darcy, has started a monthly link-up for books called Twitterature. The premise of this link-up is to share short, casual reviews of books we’ve been reading.

Sometimes I write full-on book reviews but other times I read and move on. Not because they’re not good, often times because they’re so special I don’t have the proper words. This link-up will give me a chance to share ALL the books I’m reading without having so many book reviews through the month.

The New Testament – Acts – Revelation

Finished up the Bible again and I just can’t recommend it enough. I will say, though, that I enjoyed the chronological read less and won’t be doing that plan again.

Let. It. Go. – Karen Ehman

Trying to track down my “control” word, I read this book. After reading it, I’m not sure I struggle with control in ways others do but definitely found some wisdom in this book, especially surrounding parenting and marriage. If you want an inside look into this book, Melissa Taylor has been hosting an online bible study including videos for the past several weeks.

The Circle Maker Mark Batterson

Looking back on this book, I’m not sure it really taught me anything new about prayer but it sure did encourage me in my prayer life and was a joy to read. Mark’s stories and enthusiasm are hard not to get swept away by. And that’s a good thing.

After these, I started tackling 3 books at once: Pursued by Jud Wilhite, A Confident Heart by Renee Swope and To Walk or Stay by Lara Williams. I usually try to stick to one non-fiction at a time but couldn’t help myself. Hopefully, all three will be knocked off next month as well as some fiction which I’ve sorely missed.

I have SO many books I want to read. I think my Wish List grows by a few books every day. I wish I could read like it was my job or just, you know, read by osmosis or something.

When do you find the time to read?

Laundry Reveal and a Barring

March 14, 2013 by Amy 8 Comments

Yay! Today I get to show you the reveal of the laundry room.

Last Friday I posted a last-minute post about how we should paint the laundry room. We decided to go for the bar in the kitchen and move the cabinets to the laundry room.

Well, after all that, I didn’t really go with any options from the post.

After seeing the pictures, several people suggested tying in colors from the picture on the kitchen wall.

I was trying to step away from the gold/green/red combo but the truth is I live well with those colors. I’m sorry I can’t have a white and blue cottage house, Internet designers!

Alright, here are the befores again:

Please forgive all the weird angles. It’s a REALLY hard spot to photograph well.

Here are the afters!

I’m really, really happy with it. The past few days I’ve been trying to find things to wash just to have the doors open and enjoy the new view.

Just in case you love green and red too, the cabinet and shelf colors are Crushed Cumin and Fireside by Valspar from Lowe’s. The Fireside comes in one of those ready-made samples for just $3. I’d love to give you the wall paint but it’s the same as our kitchen and was a color match from when we painted years ago.

I’m still thinking about putting some vinyl lettering on each of the doors like “wash”, “dry”, “fold”, “iron” but I haven’t found the right red yet. Maybe more to come on that.

So we finished that on Saturday and then I went to the office this week and the wall disappeared for the bar….

We are still deciding on how much more to take out from that side wall and we have to carefully remove where the backsplash is.

Emma is excited to eat at the bar and Lexi has literally started hoarding food in her room because she won’t forgive us and is planning to live in her room the rest of her life. Ah, can we say dramatic?

In any case, IT’S HAPPENING and I for one am loving all the changes!