Extraordinary Faith for Everyday Life
Good day here. It’s always good to go to church. I always feel so centered again afterwards. Like I have my goals, heart and head in the right place again. I feel like after getting some stuff out of my head yesterday and after church today, I’m in a good place right now.
Watching the Panthers here and we are getting slaughtered so far. I really hope it gets better. We will have some bummed people in Charlotte tomorrow if not.
I’m back on my tax frenzy again. If you remember last year, I worked on it forever, trying to get it just right. So far, the federal return looks really good. Yay! Now just trying to decide what to do with it.
We braved a Wal-Mart trip tonight with the in-laws. You can definitely tell when Emma has been with them. She tries out those tantrums her cousin does and it is quite annoying. I wish I could restrict her from seeing her but according to Emma she’s her best friend. And plus it’s her cousin. You know, so what can I really do?
Today Scott and I cleaned the house together while the kids were at Mom’s. It is sparkling clean and smells good. We went for a late lunch by ourselves to Subway. While we were getting refills before we left, I looked over at him and realized how comfortable I was with him. How I was completely myself with him and how I take that for granted sometimes. It felt good that I had found someone like that. I think I even actually smiled. He asked what that was all about and I just shook my head and said nothing. I still smile when I think about it.
I think what is so hard about this is I struggle with not understanding why I can’t talk to him. I just feel like we get along so well that I can’t imagine not being able to talk to him. And Scott says he wants us to be friends. And I want to be his friend. But it just seems like every time is a struggle to not say things. For both of us. What gets me is I know that people do that. Some people at work, or even outside of work, just have a flirty relationship. And that’s fine. But there’s something about us that it’s not just flirting. I can’t explain it. I have tried to reason it every way I can and the only thing that makes sense is that we were starting to feel things that wasn’t just a flirty working relationship. Somewhere reality was starting to get mixed up in the fairytale. I have not wanted to admit this because in admitting this, I’m calling myself a liar, a cheat and a hypocrite. And you may as well stick a red letter A on my chest. But it’s the only thing that explains the early mornings, late nights, poems, songs, looks, thoughts, dreams, the reason why I can’t just talk to him and feel normal. But who can blame me…the stuff he said to me…
[Read more…] about Confessions Part 2
For Allison and any others that need caught up..back in December me and a guy at work started talking off hours. We never did anything but talk. We saw each other at work but basically ignored each other. Nothing happened outside of conversations. A couple times we talked for hours on end while Scott was at work. It started out innocent, joking that we were going to get a summer house in Spain. It snowballed quickly and one conversation turned a little inappropriate. I myself told him it couldn’t go there again but I enjoyed the fairytale we had built. This sounds dumb, but he thinks I’m pretty and just the girl he’s been looking for. I ate it up, encouraged it. Whatever. I’ve always called it a codependent relationship. He likes to make me feel good, I like when he does. And we seem to be on the same wave length. I could tell him anything and he knew exactly what I was trying to say. Anyway, Scott found out about the conversations and I realized I couldn’t be doing what I was doing. I know I could not be with him. We wouldn’t survive. I love Scott and never even thought of leaving him. It wasn’t like that. And he didn’t want me to leave Scott. It’s such an odd relationship, it’s hard to describe to someone. But since then, it’s been a struggle to remain working with him, talking to him every day, remaining friends and coworkers and keep our conversations strictly friendly without all the innuendos, etc. So that’s it.
More not so good days around here the past couple days. I had a, um, relapse with Mr. Work. Nothing serious, just conversations were headed directions they weren’t supposed to go again. I can’t tell you the inner turmoil I’ve gone through over this. It’s like an addiction almost. I know in my head it’s wrong but it’s too good to pass over. I sound SO pathetic to myself. I KNOW other married women have been through this. Right now, I’d just like to talk to them and hear I’m normal and that one day, I’ll feel normal again and not think about this 24-7.
My house is a disaster. Scott worked all weekend and the past two days and I really need to clean.
Work is as slow as Christmas.
I think Lexi’s mission in life is to spill as much liquid out of cups as possible and scatter as many cheerios on the floor as her little arms can spread.
Emma’s job around here lately seems to be seeing how many times we can change her panties in one day.
It’s not been a great week.
This was mostly taken from an email to a friend…sums up last night…
Last night Scott didn’t even want to try Fox and Hound since we figured we had a better chance at Ri Ra’s anyway. So, Ri Ra’s was a 45 minute-1hour wait and we didn’t have even 45 minutes to wait because we had to take a little detour on the way there–more in a sec. So it was SO cold downtown with the wind. I even had changed my heels to my boots because I realized how cold it was going to be and that was a good thing too. Anyway, so we ran across the street to get out of the cold and ended up at Gold Pepper Grill. Yahoo. At least I talked them out of China Queen. It was not quite what I had in mind for the evening but it was decent food, quiet and the service was nice.
So the reason we were running late is we get onto 5th street and I ask Scott if he remembered the tickets. We had originally forgotten the keys and tickets when we were leaving the house and I told him to grab the tickets when he got the keys and apparently he didn’t hear me. So we started to turn the car around to head back home and the only thing that popped into my head was that a guy I work with and his wife lived like 3 blocks from where we were and knew they would help us out and let us print the tickets from their printer. Knowing that she had her wisdom teeth out Wednesday I figured they might be home. So we pull up to their house and C’s car is gone and E, his wife, is staring out the window trying to figure us out. Scott and I walk up to the house and E meets us outside. I told her who I was and she was totally nice about everything. While we were printing the tickets, C got home. He was really confused walking into the house trying to figure out who was at his house but he was really nice about it too (not that I thought they would be otherwise) and the four of us talked for a few minutes before we had to leave to get something to eat. Anyway, it was really funny. I still can not believe I went to his house to do that.
So the opening act for Larry the Cable Guy was Josh Sneed. I’ve never heard him before but he was really funny. He seemed like around my age and was talking about stuff that I could totally relate to. Larry came out and he was really good. He had some not so funny moments and did some stuff I’ve heard on the Blue Collar Tour before but some stuff I hadn’t heard before and I could barely breathe I was laughing so hard.
Just in case you didn’t notice, like me, but my comments are back since I switched my domain. I had turned them off in hopes that the crappy comments would stay away and the haven’t so why punish myself for that?