Last night I was starting to have a break down. Scott yelled at me to let go of the remote Lexi had in her hand because she was crying for us to put Dora on and he was going to “handle the situation”. I immediately started crying. I just feel so fragile and out of sorts. Something is just not right. I found a podcast of my old church (Central Church of God with Loran Livingston in Charlotte, NC–PLEASE check it out, it’s awesome) and every time I listen to him I’m in like tears by the end. The two I listened to spoke about finding a local church to belong to and then finding your specific duty within the church so the body can function the way it’s supposed to. We are very involved in church but I’ve never felt completely at home there. I started going there when we got engaged because I knew he would not go to my church because it was so large and far away. We have been heavily involved since the beginning but I’ve always felt like I was missing something not going to Central. But that sermon helped and it was odd that it came from him. He basically said you may hate the pastor or the music or whatever but it may actually NEED you to reach people. So I’m not taking for granted that it’s definitely where we’re supposed to be but I do take comfort in the fact that you don’t have to love every single aspect of the church for it to be where you are SUPPOSED to be. The other one talked from Titus about how people are supposed to act–young/old male/female. Boy that was a little convicting. How I’m supposed to act as a godly woman. Talk about stepping on toes. But now I just feel like I’m hanging out there…am I supposed to quit work, am I supposed to be doing something different within the church, am I the worst mother ever because I have to work while I’m at home with my kids. Just everything. I really feel like I just need to spend time seeking what I’m supposed to be doing. Even if it’s doing what I am now, I just need that confirmation.
Archives for 2006
My BIL lost another job today. Things are not looking good for SIL and BIL. Please pray for them and all of us really. This situation could get pretty messy.
Warning: if you didn’t get it from the title, talk of poop is in this post.
Awhile back I wrote that Emma had mastered #2. Not so. About a month into it, she reverted to going in her pants. So much so she was constipated and all kinds of other nasty things that requires her now to be on a laxative every other day. Supposedly she says it hurts her to go in the potty. Which if you’ve seen what she does, I can’t blame her. So hopefully this medicine will help get her back on track and I will not have to wipe up any more #2 which I about scream every time I have to.
What to do, what to do
I have money from Christmas that I don’t know what to do with. Actually, I do know what to do with it except I need about $4,000 more to do what I actually want to do. So I’m having a hard time figuring out WHICH thing to do with my money. I really want a new cell phone. Mine is the free one from Cingular that doesn’t do picture or music and is all scratched up now. But I really want the SLVR but can’t make myself spend $150 on it. I could just wait until my contract can be renewed until July and get a better discount but I don’t wanna wait! And I really need some new tennis shoes and I could get an FM receiver thing for my iPod. Or, I could go spend it all clothes shopping which would be way more fun. But then I wouldn’t have my shoes or my cell phone. Blah. What a problem to have. lol
Whew, quite a work out
Made it to the gym again yesterday. She about killed me though. I went to this class Sweatshop that I don’t normally go to but the timing worked out. Last time I went I said I wouldn’t go back because i didn’t like the exercises she did and I didn’t get much work out. I peeked in and the set up looked different so I went in. She really about killed me. I had to stop a few times so I wouldn’t faint. I think I kicked until my leg really wouldn’t lift to kick. It was a great workout. This sounds funny, but I will definitely go back to that class. I just need to eat before I go!
Kind of a blah day today. Kids had cabin fever I think. But I mentioned to Emma going to get McD’s for lunch and it was a no-go. But I heard a lot of whining and saw a lot of pouting. Up until about 2 weeks ago Lexi was getting pretty good at these pouting spells where she would go in the kitchen and lay down on the rug and get on her knees and put her head down on the ground and pout. I have been trying to put a stop to that recently (yes, we spank after they get explained why they are getting spanked, not just random swatting). She starts to get down on her knee now and I say, Lexi, don’t you lay down and pout and she gets up real quick. She usually continues to cry some but at least she’s not throwing herself down places and crying.
When Scott got home from work I took off to the gym and he took the kids to his Mom’s for dinner after Lexi woke up from her nap. She was still down when I left. They are supposed to be bringing me some food home. So the house is really quiet now. I straightened up a little but now I just want to lay down somewhere. But I always feel like I have to be doing something when the kids are not here. Like I need to take advantage of the house being empty to do some chore I always say I can’t do when they are here. Right now I think that might hanging Emma’s clothes up. Ugh, I’m going, I’m going…
I’m in a chatty, good mood and I need to chat here for a bit. Number one, I have to say I love Nelly Furtado’s new song Say It Right. Especially after reading the words. At the end, you’re like woah, that’s hot. And also Lips of an Angel is on my top playlist in iTunes. And can I just say I LOVE my new iPod. I know it’s already obsolete at only 1GB and no video but I really like it. I assume I’ll be upgrading within the next year, even if I have to wait until next Christmas. And I love the armband I got. I used it last night while I was putting clean clothes up and it was GREAT. Gave me some incentive to clean up and it stayed on quite nicely. And last night I watched the bonus features on my GA DVD. It had a bunch of deleted scenes and some were totally funny and completely unnecessary but they would have been cute to see. And some you were like, woah, I didn’t know he felt that way. I was a little disappointed that almost all of the extras revolved around the actors who played the chief and Addison and some with Alex. Where is Derek and Meredith and Burke and Christina?? I mean, come on. Everyone has a part in the show, but they are clearly the stars. I wish at least one of the features would have involved them. But no. Scott is working today. And unlike yesterday, he is not able to stay at home. Which is a bummer. The good news is I don’t have ANYthing to return so no need to rush out to the stores today. And Scott bought a snow globe thing and projector for the yard on Sunday night at KMart. So no need to rush out for that. Although I would like to buy a prelit tree on sale. But I’m guessing they are sold out by even now. So there is very, very little to do at work. The company always puts a hold on anything we can implement until mid January so this is a very slow time of the year for everyone in IT. OK, I think that is all for now. Well, except I’m staring at my, I mean, uh, Scott’s new coffee maker and I really want coffee. So maybe that’s what I’ll do now. That is all, you may go. That line was on a movie or tv show once and said I think in a Russian accent or something. Oh, Ugly Betty with a client. And Heather was over here and I was trying to mock here and I did really good the first few times and then was really bad. But it was funny because I said I was going to use that all the time. So that is all, you may go. lol
So Christmas at Mom’s house was really nice last night. She had dinner ready for us when we got there. The kids weren’t interested in eating, just playing, which was actually made for an easy, quiet dinner. I’m really excited about the gifts I got and what Scott got because it benefits me too :). We got our sheets for our bed, Grey’s Anatomy Season 2 on DVD (yay!), Mom made me my roman shades for my room, a set of cute washcloths, ornaments and Heather bought me a trivet with the girls’ picture on it and an Easy button from Staples (which I would never spend my $5 on-it was funny). And Scott got a coffee maker and a set of 3 cordless phones which we needed really bad. Our cordless in the kitchen you have to get a workout to push the On and 2 button. Heather said she bought more for her than us lol. So it was a nice evening. Emma and Joy played her new Memory game with Heather. Lexi and I laid up in Mom’s bed and watched Robots eating cheese and crackers until Scott said he was too tired and needed to go home. And can I mention that was at 8:30pm ;).