This is going to sound very weird and probably way too serious after the previous post but I’ve backed out of the show on streamocracy. To make a long story short, I just feel like God is not giving me His blessing on it. Not that there is a thang wrong with it in the least it’s just I think He’s got something different coming down the line.
Now here’s the long story of it…
I always say God is in the little things and a few things have been brought to my attention that leads me to believe this is the right decision for now.
One, Beth Moore talked about on her LPM blog that we should quit trying to explain away when God does things as coincidences. I think this post prepared me for two more incidences.
On Sunday we had a very Spirit filled service mostly about our church being so dead and how we wanted to see revival and us young couples are the future. I know we all have a burden to be active for God and do what needs to be done for Him. I felt an impression then that I didn’t need to do the streamocracy show so I would have time to do whatever He had planned for the future of our church. But of course I tried to explain that away. Of course I had time.
The second was on Sunday afternoon. I picked up a devotional at Mom’s house and I wish I could recall the entire thing but I believe it was about Eli and Samuel and the minute we know when God asks us to do something and we go to someone else for advice, that’s the minute we are siding with Satan and agreeing with what he wants instead of what God wants.
Yesterday I had even made the call to say I wasn’t going to do it but then I got really excited about it again and explained away the time and even shared another audition of the show that we got really excited about and I was just excited so I said I’d do it even with the compromised schedule.
But then last night I couldn’t sleep. I’ve felt no peace about this at all. And then today I even was bargaining with God on the way home from taking the girls. Let me just forget about this and I’ll turn the music on and praise you this morning! Wrong! All He wanted me to do was OBEY Him. But of course He used this as an opportunity too. No music was on and the host told a story of her son asking to spend the night with a friend and she didn’t have a good feeling about it. Her son said, Mom just think about it and let me know. Well, she still didn’t feel good about it and called him back to tell him and he told her That’s fine, Mom, I know you’re always right about these things and I’m fine with not going. She said how great it was that her son trusted her instinct (and surely the pressing of the Holy Spirit) and how that parallels to what God would like to see.
It brought me to tears and solidified my decision. I have no idea why I can’t do this. It seems so innocent and fun and I simply can not explain why I can’t do it. I just have to be God’s daughter right now and quit bargaining and say OK. I trust you.
I’m praying that God is very clear on the reason why I can’t do this so I can give Him glory on why it’s great to obey but the truth is I may never know until eternity why I can’t do this. And that’s ok. If I learned anything from reading the Bible, all He wants is obedience.