OK, that’s about as close to any sports talk you’ll get on this blog and I’m not even sure I said it right. And what I mean to say is I hit 50,000 words on my book! It feels GOOD to see 50,435 on my word count! Things are starting to wrap up in the book. Just a few scenes left and I ended on a good note tonight. So for now, I’m all smiles.
Archives for May 2009
Not sure why I’m being so dramatic about this but here ya go…
Melissa wanted me to join Nanowrimo in November 2008. Nanowrimo requires a participant to write 50,000 words to be considered a winner. I didn’t participate but at first I tried to keep up with the 2600 minimum word count per day. Near impossible. We were right in the middle of TV season (which requires extra blog work for me), the girls’ birthdays were in November and Thanksgiving and Christmas were just around the corner. 50,000 words became a maybe-in-another-lifetime, or at least another-year, goal.
But a plot was forming in my head and characters and suddenly I was excited about getting the story on paper. Not because it was the best plot ever or the best characters or full of the best page turning moments but just because I had thought of enough ideas, that strung together, someone could, if given the time, write 50,000 words about.
But writing was still an effort. I started with one scene that became the opening and then another that I figured would sit 3/4 of the way through the book. The rest though? I struggled through. Filling in all the gaps of the plot was hard. Figuring out who my characters are and where they came from and why they do what they do was really hard. I started calling it my non-novel because surely I would never be able finish.
But I plodded on, maybe more out of a Type A, must-finish attitude than anything. Or maybe it was just something else to fill my quiet nights with. I don’t know but it’s six months later and it’s another one of those quiet nights. I think I’ve figured out my characters, the plot has been written and I’m 459 words away from 50,000.
And it scares me to death to write them.
You would think being that close I would just start spouting off at the fingers and type any conversation I could come up with just to put me past the word count. I remember being in school and adding in all kinds of unnecessary words just to get to the word count goal. But not with this. I’ve spent all day fiddling with the end of my plot, recalculating the “big scene” and picking through my main character’s flaws. I’ve written ideas and stared at the sky trying to come up with the best thing to say. I think because part of me knows when I hit 50,000 words, I’m really close to the end. And when it ends, I’m scared I’ll never go back to revise it, which it needs so desperately. And if I don’t carefully write those last words, I’ll know that I didn’t do my best, that the words I wrote aren’t something to be proud of. And maybe it’s not just the last 459 words before my goal, maybe it’s the whole book. Maybe I’m scared that when I get to the end I’ll look back and six months of work and countless hours of planning, worrying and strategizing later, realize that it’s just 50,000 words strung together than no one wants to read.
Yes, I’m scared to fail.
And I guess in art, there is no such thing as failure. But there is something to be said for the millions of manuscripts that go unread every year, written by millions of authors set out with so much hope and ending with thousands of words to themselves and no one with whom to share them.
Or worse yet, words that they don’t want to share.
So yeah, I’m scared to reach my goal, scared to finish. And yet, I’m going to type this last sentence, open my manuscript and write the best story I know how and just hope I’ll be able look back and smile.
Yesterday was bad. Today was better. Oddly I had some good dreams through the night. So much that when Scott was getting Emma ready for school, I was smiling in my sleep and he asked me what I was smiling about. I was half asleep and remember that I was going to explain…right after I woke up more and could speak coherently. Now, I don’t recall what it was but I knew I had had good dreams. Funny how that affects you after you’re awake. A few other (VERY RANDOM and UNRELATED) things that made my day good:
1 – I have to thank Amanda for recommending this Staying In Love series by Andy Stanley. Really good. If you are married, take the time to listen.
2 – These two t-shirts
3 – And this one is going to be very unrelated to the last two, but pictures of New Moon filming came out today and squeeeee. Does that make me a BAD Little Miss Christian??
I’m tired of forgetting things for my kids at school. Or worse yet, not looking in the first place.
I’m tired of work.
I’m tired of doing favors for others.
I’m tired of politics in churches.
I’m tired of working out and eating stuff I don’t like and not losing weight.
I wish someone would take care of me.
And I have PMS.
Rough morning for me.
This song is helping.
I caught a glimpse of you last week. You were playing with a friend that looked like she could pass as your twin. Long brown hair, brown eyes, both skinny and tall. I would have called you a bean pole like everyone used to call me. I have to admit I was jealous of you. You seemed so happy, smiling at your friend’s silly ideas, running as fast as you could to catch up. Innocent as a lamb. You’d follow her to the slaughter if she tried.
I wondered what you would think of me if we met. Would I seem familiar? I have that brown hair and brown eyes you and your friend share. The same freckles across your nose. Would you say I was nice? Polite? Happy? Would you see my daughter and think she looked familiar? The same freckles splayed across her nose and the legs that seemed to go on forever. Bean pole she is too.
Would you like the kind of mother I am? Be proud of the job I have? Wish you would have a husband like mine one day?
Would you hope that one day you would grow up to be just like me?
Because you did.
And I wonder where you went.
Because sometimes I can’t find you.
And on those days I miss your smile, your laughter, your innocence. Even your long brown hair. And especially your friend.
I hope I see you more often, little girl. I miss you.
I thought today would be pretty laid-back but not so much.
This morning we were up a little early and visited with Dani & Dave at their church. It was good to be at church with them again. It’s been several years now since that and I miss it.
After lunch at IL’s we went with Jake and Jill to see Night at the Museum. While it doesn’t stack up to the first one, it was a decent movie. I can’t recommend that you race out to the theater to see it but I don’t think you’ll regret it either if you decide to venture on your Memorial Day. I enjoyed some new things..Amelia Earhardt, Seth Rogan, and the Egyptian prince…while I also enjoyed seeing some things from the first movie…the cowboy, Dumb-Dumb, the monkey, the dinosaur and of course Larry. The best part of the movie is when Lexi says Daddy, when are they show the monkey doing this? and then proceeds to slap herself in the face. Scott and I had a good chuckle over that. Oh and just to forewarn anyone with small children, Lexi was screaming for us to get her out of there when the Egyptian dude raised his army from the underworld. She calmed down pretty quickly but it’s definitely a cover your eyes moment for the little ones.
After the movie we went to church where the youth played volleyball. My old high school volleyball habits kicked in and I went for a few balls on the hard floor obviously without knee pads and I have a pretty big knot and bruise on my knees. My thumb is also swollen where I served it a few times. I never did learn how to serve overhand very strong. But it was a lot of fun.
In other random news, I noticed some of my favorite flowers came out. I can’t until they all bloom.
And I did well on my CVS trip I made after church. Only spent .64 on fingernail polish, tampons, toothpaste and two packages of Hello Kitty band-aids. Oh and a piece of caramel candy. I picked a new shade of Revlon nail polish. It’s called Tropical Temptation. Very nice for summer. Feet sensitive people, this is a cover your eyes moment.
This evening I’ve spent uploading pictures from our ropes course event yesterday. And I guess since I’m on a pictures kick, here are a few of me.
This is the one I fell on.
Look, Mom, no hands!
Very proud of myself!
The weekend seems to be slipping through my fingers. Last night we met Jake and Jill for dinner at Ruby Tuesday thanks to a great B1G1 coupon we both could use. Then it was off to choir practice for me and work for Scott. They had to put in an extra 8 hours shift last night because of the holiday. The kids went with MIL to spend the night.
This morning Scott and I went to “Mr. Roger’s” receiving friends at the church. The family seems to be doing quite well. We went to pick up Scott’s bicycle from getting tuned and new wheels after that. It was kind of funny because Scott told the 3 guys working there that he only paid a 1/3 of what the bike was worth and the guys started ooh-ing and aah-ing almost like we do over our CVS deals. That is a NICE bike. You could get ____ for that bike! Wow, what a steal! I wanted to laugh really. But then I just got bored as they talked saddles and peddles and padding. ZZZZzzzzz. Scott got this bike thanks to my dad and he really wants to get into biking and honestly, I do hope he does but that is yet to be seen. Actually, I really miss cycling class from the Y and would love to get into it myself but I just don’t trust riding on the streets around here. Wow, sidebar that was.
This afternoon we spent at a ropes course with our youth group. It was a really good time. I hadn’t planned on doing any of the high ropes but when our youth pastor’s wife backed out at the last second, I took her place. I’d done the same course back in college and I knew the zip line was just too much fun to pass up after I saw the first guy go down. So, I ended up being the only one to fall but I DID get myself back up. We stopped at Cici’s on the way home and met SIL at the church afterwards and got the girls. They had spent the afternoon at their cousin’s skate party.
Lexi actually took a nap when we got home. I did my 30 Day Shred while Emma colored. Then we colored together until her and I went to our choir fundraiser. Lexi was STILL sleeping so Scott stayed home with her. When we got home, we made a trip to Starbucks. Emma went to sleep a bit ago and I’m staying up with Lexi who after her 4 hour nap might not go to sleep until tomorrow.
So yeah, that was mouth full and if you’ve made it this far, congrats and I hope you’re enjoying your Memorial Day weekend!
I’m sad to report that our neighbor “Mr. Rogers” passed away last night. You might remember me blogging about him at the end of last summer. After the family finally confronted him about it, he quit talking about his “sightings” to others and as his health detoriated and winter came on, we saw less and less of him. He’s had several stints in the hospital with his blood disease and was taken to Hospice last week. The good news is he was a believer and is in a better place now. He has a wonderful family that lives close by that I am particularly saddened for. Just say a little prayer for his wife and extended family today.