Archives for June 2009

Change is a-Comin’

The thing about a blog is it’s therapy for me.  But then when I need it most, I can’t use it.  And I hate when people don’t and/or can’t share their heart on their blog when they’re hurting most.  Being there for one another in our times of need is when the blogging community means the most.  I guess it’s its own worst enemy.  Because sometimes blogging and real life clash and you just can’t blog what you want.  But let me say change is coming for us.

I can say our youth pastor resigned this week.  I can say I’m hurt.  And I can say my manager announced four people on my team at work including me may not have a job as of December 31.  And really that’s probably all you need to know to figure out my heart hurts and I’m stressed and I could probably write another book about all of it.

Please pray.

Bachelorette Episode 7

I’m not sure I could have come up with more boring hometown dates.  I think they made Ed and Jake come back just so they could have a decent episode.  Ok, not really, but wow.  I was almost hoping for a dove burial.  The best we got was a lasag-nah taste test.

Maybe my problem was I watched the show a little backwards.  I started watching right when Jake came in, watched to the end and then started with the dates from the beginning.

So let’s try to start this at the beginning.

Reid – I really, really like Reid still.  Jill seemed to fit in great with them and I think Reid is really falling for her.  Him doing the PDA thing in front of his family was really cute.  Hometown date with Reid was a big score for me.

Michael – Poor Michael.  He was great with his family.  His twin Steve talking about them and their plans for their wives was sweet even though a little creepy.  It was really sweet with this sister coming all the way from Australia.  It was clear he was close with his family.  But I felt like all his family could offer her was how funny Michael was.

Kiptyn – For the first time this season, I’m really, really concerned about Kiptyn.  I’m not a big fan of those “games” families play.  And then the mother even hinted that she was overbearing and THEN stood at the door watching them in the hot tub.  You have no idea how many red flags went up.  And I’m still very concerned that he’s the one with the “mechanical problem” next week.

Jesse – Jillian didn’t seem to fit in Jesse’s family if you ask me. His brother seemed shocked that he would have kids so quickly.  His brother just scared me a bit.  Jillian still seemed to have doubts about Jesse.  I just didn’t get a good feeling coming out of that one.

Wes – The band?  Really?  Could he BE more obvious?  And Jillian was falling for it HARD.  And his family?  Seemed just as over the moon about Wes.  I don’t know.  Maybe it’s all editing and Wes is the nice guy.  But Jake?  He’s the straight and narrow and I trust him.  So if he says he has a girlfriend, Wes has a girlfriend.  Maybe he likes Jillian and he’s broken up with Laurel in his head.  I don’t know!  I just know I don’t trust the guy.

Overall, I think Reid and his family win the hometown dates.

Now let’s talk about Ed!  I was SO HAPPY (but not shocked) to see Ed show up!  I was never a huge Ed fan but when he showed up I was all ED!  THANK GOODNESS!  And all the sudden, I wanted Ed to stay and win, even.  Maybe I should admit I found out he works for Microsoft this week and he won me over a bit but seriously, I thought Jillian might jump him on the couch.  She definitely still likes the guy and I’m really glad he came back and she picked him.

So Jesse and Michael left tonight.  No disappointments or surprises.  Except of course that she kept Wes around.  But I don’t think Jesse or Michael had a shot of being in the finale anyway so no biggie.

As for next week we know something big happens.  And it seems to be someone she sees as a front-runner.  So I have it narrowed down to Kiptyn, Wes.  Maybe Ed.  I think it would hilarious if it were Wes.  After tonight, I think I would be most disappointed if it were Ed.  I don’t know, we haven’t even met his family but I have a good feeling about him.  And I know I’ve been harping on Kiptyn or “Kip” as his family called him but something just didn’t feel right with his family.

So I’m on the Reid and Ed train for now.  And I wish Jillian would get OFF the Wes train once and for all!

Lazy Saturday

I think today fully qualifies as a Lazy Saturday.  I kinda sorta slept in while I listened to the girls play.  When I got up, I got breakfast for all of us, changed out some clothes in the laundry, packed a cooler of drinks and snacks and then headed to the pool!

I don’t think we’d ever been out that early.  The girls were confused when we still had shade on the pool from the neighbors on the East side of our house.

We all went in and out of the pool.  I read The Host on and off and the girls kept busy playing and swimming.  They were mostly content on their own.

Scott had gone to help someone he works with do something somewhere (if you can’t tell, I didn’t pay much attention) but on the way back, it was lunchtime and he grabbed us some take-out.  I think about 2:30 I had finally out done Lexi and she changed her own clothes and went inside.  Emma hung in until about 3 and then I think I was in about 3:30 or so.

It was grand!  I of course have a sunburn to show for the day.  I did manage to keep sunblock on my shoulders and face where it normally is the worst.

This evening we ate leftover casserole at Mom’s and then helped them pick lots of great stuff from their garden….tomatoes, corn, green peppers and zucchini.  Watermelon and cantaloupe are growing too.  We don’t live in farming country.  The most I see being grown for business is peaches and strawberries.  Many folks have small gardens but generally I’m not really familiar with gardening.  But Mom and Dad’s garden has truly amazed me.  It’s like oh my, you can actually eat the stuff that’s growing on that plant!  Before tonight I don’t think I’d ever seen a green pepper on a plant.  Mom is probably like Amy, we had gardens all the time!  And I guess we did but I don’t know, it just still amazes me.  Maybe because I have the farthest thing from a green thumb you can have!

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Right now the kids are screaming at me to come watch the start of Disney’s latest movie Princess Protection Program. A movie is the perfect thing to top off a lazy Saturday!

VBS 2009

We’ve been attending our church’s VBS every evening this week.  We did Go Studio if you’re at all familiar with the curriculum available out there.  If you remember last year, Emma had a really hard time.  I’m happy to report both girls have loved VBS this year.  They were excited to find out they’d have a Bible story, food, crafts, games and music, oh my!  It also helped Emma knowing her best friend from Sunday School was going to be there.

I was moved from 3rd/4th grade to 1st/2nd.  I was willing but hesitant at first.  I’ve always thought that 3/4 were so well-behaved, compliant and independent.  I have to say though my 20 1st and 2nd graders have been little angels.  They’ve eaten up the Bible Stories, shocking the teachers in that class and the missions class at how much they remember and comprehend.  And I found they are just as independent as the older group.

So, in all, it’s been a great week.  My girls are enjoying themselves and I’m having a good week as well.

I do have to say since Emma is in the “big kids” lessons, I’m paying MUCH more attention to the lessons and trying to find out what she’s learning.  It’s never been so important to me that the gospel is shared clearly and other moral lessons are given.  VBS might seem like a chore to some workers, but now as a mother of a school-age child, I can tell you that it’s one of the most important weeks of the year!

And for less important things, our opening and closing song this week has been “Ice Cream and Cake”.  It apparently was a hit with teenagers during the youth missions trip this year as well.  So if you want to know what song and dance is sweeping through the youth of America, here ya go. Imagine 100 kids (and adults!) doing this all at once in a gym. It’s actually pretty fun…and addictive.

Love them well

News of Mark Sanford has barely left my mind since yesterday.  My first reaction was shock.  I didn’t see it coming.  And then I was just sad.  I knew the hate would come for him as a conservative man who has fought for marriage and has now in all likelihood ruined one with his own infidelity.  It seems so hypocritical.  But I can tell you with every fiber of my being you can believe in marriage, your marriage even, and yet still find yourself where he is.  I was hesitant to read their published emails but was drawn to see the details of what kind of relationship they had.  And then his story got personal.  So much of what he is feeling is all too familiar.  A few lines stand out to me.

How in the world this lightening strike snuck up on us I am still not quite sure. As I have said to you before I certainly had a special feeling about you from the first time we met, but these feelings were contained and I genuinely enjoyed our special friendship and the comparing of all too many personal notes (and yes this is true even if you did occasionally tantalize me with sexual details over the years!) — but it was all safe. Where we are is not.

In all my life I have lived by a code of honor and at a variety of levels know I have crossed lines I would have never imagined.

The rarest of all commodities in this world is love. It is that thing that we all yearn for at some level — to be simply loved unconditionally for nothing more than who we are — not what we can get, give or become.

As I mentioned in our last visit, while I did not need love fifteen years ago — as the battle scars of life and aging and politics have worn on this has become a real need of mine.

He has it right.  We all need and want love.  And it’s not just a pat on the back at the end of the day, a card, a kiss.  It’s that feeling that the other person treats you like a King or Queen.  That no matter what you did or what you said they’d stand by you.  It’s knowing that they are just WAITING for an excuse to tell you something good about yourself.  It’s that quality of a relationship that left untended dies.  And really?  It’s not so much fun having to work to get back.

And when that part dies, years down the road you find your emotional bank at an all-time low.  You’re looking, searching for that love, that feeling that we all crave.  And then someone comes along out of nowhere and makes a small deposit and you take it and cherish it.  And then it happens again and again if allowed, each time crawling closer to some imaginary line you had drawn in the sand.  A line that suddenly without realizing it you cross and make a new one.  And that happens over and over and over.  Some lines are crossed as fast as lightning and then others it takes time.

And suddenly your deposits are just secrets ready to ruin every single part of your life.  And when they come out, you find yourself crying for five days in Argentina.  And you’re not JUST crying because you’re ashamed or sorry that you’re hurting so many people.  You’re crying because you know the deposits will be gone.  That a person you trust and love so much will never be there like they have been.  And you cry because you feel sorry for yourself.

And as saddened as I am for Jenny and their sons, I’m saddened for Mark.  Because I know he’s hurting.  No matter how or why he got there, no matter how much he wants to put the genie back in the bottle, no matter how much he loves his wife, he’s come to depend on the other person.  And now?  He has a choice to make and a hard road ahead of him.  None of it is pretty.  None of it is fun.  And the worse part is he’s doing it for the public.

If you think you’re marriage is above this happening, think again.  Go figure out how to love your spouse and love them well.  Tell them how they can love you.   For some, that’s easy.  But for others, it’s a struggle.  And I’m sorry for that.  I truly am.  But I think I can speak for Mark and say it’s better than the alternative.