The last few weeks I feel like we’re turning some kind of corner in parenting. I’m starting to see rolling eyes, sighing, “fine”s, pouting, talk about boys and friends and stuff I just don’t like. They don’t respond to just a look and you have to work through many more heart issues. I want to be clear that overall my girls are happy, well-behaved and a joy to be around. It’s just when the hard times come, I feel out of my league. Older parents, please help. Do you have books, sites, DVDs, or just good ‘ol advice for us?
Archives for 2011
Sunday Highlights: Addictions
I haven’t done these in a while. Not sure why. No one has complained that they are missing but still, I want to share yesterday’s. We are in between series and yesterday was from our Journey Group Pastor. To be honest, he wasn’t very clear on what exact question he was answering but it turned out to be on addictions.
I struggle with addictions. I just have this thing where if I love something, I don’t know how else to love it but all the way. And sometimes, love hurts. Yes it does. It hurts a lot of things including my relationship with Christ because I being replacing Him with those things. I took lots of notes and just wanted to share them. I know these notes are difficult to follow sometimes without hearing it but maybe you can get enough to see if it’s something you need to go listen to.
Our past does not dictate our next steps.
We have strong compulsions to obey God; our spirit is willing but our body is weak.
Good intentions are not good enough to overcome life-affecting habits and hang-ups.
God invites us to change our character and identity. Religion says let me “do”. Relationship changes who you are.
Myths about addictions:
1. It’s a destination. Christ invites us to go on a journey, changing our character so that our actions change to match the inside.
2. You can use all your strength to overcome your addictions. But behavior modification does not work. I believe it was here he talked about where Christ says if you sweep out a demon and do not replace it with Christ, then seven more come in. If we have these addictions and then do not replace them with good habits, it’s only going to get worse.
3. I can be this on my own. You are in denial about how bad your addiction is. Only God can change you from the inside out.
We walked away with the question, what is your addiction right now? What needs swept out of your life so that you can grow on your journey with Christ? We all have addictions. It comes in many forms; alcohol, drugs, porn, a relationship, TV, food, sports. Whatever it is, we have to surrender it. Remember, our past does not dictate our next step. Just do the next right thing!
American Idol 2011 – Hollywood
OK, it’s time to talk American Idol. First I must comment on the judge change. I LOVE it. I really loved Simon and thought I would hate it without him but I have been pleasantly surprised. The show, is quite enjoyable to watch. I love that Jennifer and Steven LOVE music and sometimes it’s fun just to watch them watch the contestants. My only quibble is with Steven and making comments about the young girls but it seems the producers have nixed those moments from the show.
As for lowering the age to 15, I’m torn. These kids have some amazing talent but seeing the younger ones when they are being rejected, I’m just not sure they are old enough to separate rejection of that particular song from rejection of themselves. Maybe I’m crazy but I wonder.
As for the talent…this year is AMAZING. I particularly enjoyed Hollywood Round 3. Here are some of my favorites:
John Wayne Schulz. I love him. So much love him. Like, he might be one of my favorites.
Jac0b Lusk. He’s not one of my overall favorites but this performance was amazing.
Casey Abrams. Another overall favorite. He’s genuine and so talented he leaves me in awe.
Robbie Rosen. That falsetto was so pretty
Lauren Alaina. She’s so much fun.
Ashton Jones. I was in tears after this. I can’t explain but it’s like she puts her soul out there.
Kendra Chantelle. She came out of nowhere but I really like her.
OK, did I just list everyone that sang?? Wow, it’s gonna be an amazing season. Who are your favorites so far?
Flight attendants, Stone and Spring
“HELLO EVERYONE! And welcome to North Rock Hill Church!” I had a super time filming our 5 minute intro video for our church. You can see kind of what they do in the TenBefore video at North Point. I sweat(ed?) a lot, had a hard time remembering to smile, my spandex only made my fat roll more prominent and I’m pretty sure I sounded like a flight attendant most of the time “please take your seat and turn off all your electronic devices” but yeah, I’m not going to lie, it was fun. Even if they scrap it, it was good practice speaking in front of people, even if the audience was only 2 and I was reading off a screen.
Also yesterday we went to pick out the stone that will be on the front of the new addition and around the garage. There are 3 options we narrowed it down to. One is the cheapest but I’m not sure if the stacking looks too too busy. We’ll have even more than this…
The next two are the same price, I’m just trying to decide on color. Also, some of these pictures show a mix between the ledge (small skinny, stacked) stone and the big stones. This is Sagewood color in two different installations:
And this is the Natural Blend color:
Here are the last two samples at our house:
I think my favorite is the Natural Blend but at 50% more cost (about $500) I’m not sure I like it THAT much more than the first one. What say you?
And last thing, we are all in a good mood in these parts because it is going to be 76 today! The kids wore new outfits from my mom, looking very springy and happy! I can’t wait for spring!
Tae Kwon Do – Day One
Lexi’s first day of Tae Kwon Do was today. I am kicking myself for not making it (I was at the bank signing papers!!) but Scott said she was quite into it and in fact, the teacher gave her her focus stripe for her belt. See the little kid that has 3 of them? You have to get all your stripes before you move to the next level.
And yeah, she was the only girl in class. But if you’re worried about it making her too masculine, never fear, Lexi is Lexi…
Interviews, Banks and Tae Kwon Do
Our Valentine’s Day dinner Saturday at Villa Antonio’s. So. good.
I keep waiting until we are at a good stopping point to give you a good update but I guess I just need to go for it!
The addition
- We met with the builder this weekend and have everything set in place. He’s just waiting on a green light.
- We are still talking to the bank about the financing. I had hoped this would be a quick process but apparently it is not. It could be another week or two until we are set to start.
The adoption
- I don’t think I mentioned it but we couldn’t get in this month’s training at DSS so we have to wait until March 19.
The job
- I got the invitation to do my interview on Monday and interviewed yesterday for the position. It went really well and now I just wait to see what happens. I hope it all works out to get my start date before the end of the month so I don’t have to wait an extra month for my benefits to kick in.
Random
- We signed Lexi up for Tae Kwan Do last night. She starts today at the same time Emma goes to guitar. She looks adorable in her outfit. I think she will be great at it if it doesn’t scare her off that she doesn’t know anyone in the class.
- I’ve continued with reading the Bible in 90 Days. I have enjoyed it so much. I moved into the NT this weekend and can’t recommend reading the Gospels enough. Jesus is just so awesome. That sounds so cliché. But really. He is.
- Our church, NRHC, has asked me to host our intro video for our new series Words. I’m so much better at writing than speaking (I say that in all humbleness…if my writing is mediocre then you should hear my speaking HA) but I’m looking forward to stretching myself and seeing how it goes!
Book Review: Love & Respect
Honestly I thought I had a handle on how to love my husband. As an advocate of the Five Love Languages, I had his love languages down and when his tank was empty, I knew just how to fill it back up. It turns out though I think I only had half the equation. A band-aid, almost. Yes, I know how to love him but it turns out the other BIGGER half of the equation for men is respect.
If you would have asked me before reading Love & Respect I would have said respect is not being sassy and not putting him down in front of people. And it is those things but it’s so much more. Eggerichs introduces the book by discussing the difference between love and respect and why women need love and men need respect. My eyes were open when he talked about The Crazy Cycle. It’s when he quits loving so she gets disrespectful and so he gets even more unloving and the cycle goes on. I have often said to people, you know, our marriage is usually really good or really bad. I recognized that when one of us decides to love/respect, the other responds in kind. I loved the Eggerichs put a name to it and I can 100% attest to it! The problem Scott and I have always had was who takes the first step? I have always argued with Scott as the leader he should. But Eggerichs suggests whoever is the most mature! The point is if you want off the Crazy Cycle, you have to do something about it instead of waiting on the other person!
My eyes were also opened to something I’ve noticed with Scott. When we fight, I want to talk it out. If he’d just see all my points, he’d see his faults and he could improve (and mine as well). Well, I’d just have to say one point, and he’d be like, “OK, I don’t want to talk about it,” and walk away. I always assumed he was being rude and unloving to me by not trying come to a resolution but guess what? Men don’t think the same way! I realized that he was trying to do the loving, honorable thing by not getting in a fight with me. He already knew he had failed and really didn’t need me to guide him through every point!
Eggerich spends the second part of the book with specific ways women need loved and men need respected. Men have six areas in which they need respected, or more simply, appreciated.
- Work
- Desire to protect
- Desire to lead
- Desire to analyze
- Shoulder-to-shoulder friendship
- Sexual intimacy
I can’t go through each one but I have found my eyes open in several areas where I haven’t been downright mean, but have not been appreciating these needs. One funny one I must share.
Men have a need just to be shoulder-to-shoulder with their spouse; they like doing things together, even if you don’t say anything. I can’t count the number of times Scott has asked me to come sit with him. Usually he is playing his game or watching a (boring) show. It happened just yesterday. Scott was playing his game and he said, “Come sit with me.” My prompt response was, “I don’t want to just sit there and watch you play your game!” I was thinking of how much I had to do…plan dinner and funny enough, sneak in some time to read Love & Respect. I hadn’t read this section yet so I didn’t go sit with him (shame on me) and went back to read this exact section:
When your husband says, “Hey, honey, come in here and watch Discovery Channel with me,” what happens? You come in and sit down and he, indeed, does watch Discovery Channel, possibly commenting now and then about “the size of those elk” or “look at the teeth on that crocodile.” But most of the time he’s fully absorbed in what he’s doing: watching TV. If you are a typical wife, you will sit there thinking, I’ve got laundry to fold, I have to make dinner, the kids’ lunches for tomorrows still aren’t packed…You’re not communicating, so how could this be building the relationship. But wives continue to report that that is exactly what happens.
I laughed so hard! This had JUST happened almost word for word. I didn’t have time to sit with him because I needed time to go read how I should be sitting with him!! And yes, I put the book down and spent time with him! I always thought it was just a Scott thing that he was trying to fill his “touch” love language by me sitting with him. Yes, it is that, but it is so much more.
These few examples are just a smidgeon of what I took from Love & Respect. I so wish I would have read this years ago and would highly suggest that EVERY couple read this and really, even single women would do well just to understand men in dating.
This book was provided on behalf of Thomas Nelson publishing in exchange for the review. If you would like to participate in the book review program, please visit BookSneeze.com
All Aboard
“How did we even get here?” Scott stared at me with a blank face from his recliner. We were making our decision on the contractor and it suddenly hit us that we’ve been on a train called “Addition” and weren’t even sure how or when we got on.
“I don’t know,” I laughed.
And I really don’t. It seems just weeks ago we were just doing life and suddenly we’re going 90 mph ahead trying to get the house done and get started on our adoption process.
Yesterday we had to get off the train for a second and say, wait a minute. What are we doing? Where is this drive really coming from? Are we on the right train? Who’s leading this thing anyway?
I told Scott, “Listen, I feel like in a lot of ways I’ve been pushing you through all this and even though I’ve felt good about it, I want to know you’re in 100%. Just say the word and right now is the time to stop it all.” And it is. As early as next week we could be digging footings and what’s the point if we aren’t going to adopt? We’re at a serious crossroad right now. We either get back on this train and do it, and do it well, or we leave the station.
“Let me think about it,” he said and pushed the button on his PS3 controller to start another game.
It was hard walking away then. To not nag or prod. To list all the ways I thought God had orchestrated this. But this is the part where the wife submits. To let the responsibility lay with the husband. To trust that God would lay on his heart the same message. It’s not that Scott has been against this. Anyone that knows Scott would know he stops a train in its track with a heavy-duty “No” when he’s not into something. But I’m not sure he had committed to it.
Scott finished a few games and then left to get the kids. When he got back he told me we had an appointment with our chosen contractor the next day.
“So I guess we’re doing this?” I tried to confirm.
Scott leaned down on the floor to pick up a piece of grass, “Yeah, I think we should do it.”
So we are. All aboard. This is about to get crazy.