For a few months after we were approved this Spring, nothing happened. We weren’t reaching out to many agencies as we assumed DSS might be doing the search work. DSS was mum.
In July, both of us were getting antsy and we both decided to do some serious online searching. I ran into this little 6 year old guy from SC’s DSS system. He has short blonde hair and a big ‘ol grin in his picture. My first thought is he reminded me so much of Scott. I haven’t seen a lot of pictures of when Scott was little but it’s how I imagine him to be. He’s more of a miniature, present-day Scott with his polo shirt and khakis cargo shorts.
I mentioned in my last post that Lexi was having a hard time with the idea of adoption and while that’s still true to some extent, the minute she saw this little boy, she said, “Yep, let’s get him tomorrow.” Emma felt the same. All of us felt the same. It seemed like he just felt right for us.
I emailed and called DSS to try to get some more information. It took weeks but we did get limited information. I’m not sure what I can share and what I can’t so I’ll err on the cautious side. All I’ll say is nothing was going to happen soon.
It’s December, five months later, and still nothing has been decided. They’re currently reviewing home studies to see what family might be a good match. We have no idea how seriously we’re being considered. We just know our name is in the hat and we’re waiting.
I still have great peace about the timing. I don’t set goals like “I hope he’s home for Christmas” type thing. I mean, that’d be GREAT, but I don’t set expectations in my mind. The wait right now is not hard for me.
But let me confess, I probably know why.
I still get
a little scared to death when I think about our life getting turned upside down. I think about little things like having to go to two rooms to say goodnights and having to ask for a table of 5 instead of 4 and having to find yet another pair of shoes in the mornings and what if he’s violent towards my girls and what if he hates us and what if I have to lock up the knives. Yeah, my mind goes there. And the thing is, I think it’s all normal. Much of the anxiety is the same as any parent would experience during the wait of a new child.
I think about Mary at this time many years ago waiting for her own little boy. She was expecting the Savior of the world. I can’t imagine the anxiety she might have about how that might work out. No matter what, your first born can induce loads of anxiety but the Messiah too? After the angel tells her she will have Jesus her response is,
Yes, I see it all now:
I’m the Lord’s maid, ready to serve.
Let it be with me
just as you say.
Even in our waiting, I’m trying to take the position of Mary. Even though times might get hard, I’m here to serve and do as God has called us. So I just breathe deep and remember God is with us and he’ll lead us through whatever we’re given.
I still ask for your continued prayers, for us and for him. No matter what, a little boy has lost his family this year and my heart is breaking for him. I’ve been praying especially that God would protect his mind and heal his heart. Pray for his current foster family, the DSS workers as they place him and his future family.