When Emma was about 3 months old she was hospitalized for RSV. I was a brand new mom and Scott had been away during the last 8 weeks or so at police academy. Having your child hospitalized is a big deal no matter what, but I was super new at this mothering thing and had a lot of other added stresses at the time. I remember going into a room where they were inserting her IV. She was crying uncontrollably and squirming to get away. I was trying to help the nurse hold her down and eventually the nurse looked at me and said, “Mom, look at her and tell her it’s ok.” I was so wrapped up in what was going on that I forgot my little girl on the table needed her mother’s comfort. I held her other arm and looked her in the face and tried to let her know it was ok.
This morning when I woke up and knew it was The Day to meet our son, I was worried about what was going on around me. My friend Dani said God had put a verse on her heart since early this morning and shared it on Facebook:
I have a shirt with that verse on it which says Beloved–the meaning of my name, if you don’t know. And if you haven’t followed this blog for several years you might not know how I’ve struggled to really grasp how much God not just loves me but delights in me. That verse was something of a thematic verse coming out of the season of my life when I was recovering from my emotional affair.
I walked outside after reading it and saw the blue skies I had prayed for last night where there was supposed to have been rain clouds all day. I let go and let God love me and calm me. He’s got this. And I realized my job today was to be that mom again like I was for Emma. I have a little son who is scared out of his mind about getting a new family and he needs us to be his steady rock. He needs us to look him in the face and say I’m excited to have you here and excited you’ll be here forever.
So I did what all of you mothers and fathers do when we have to do hard things . I put on my momma uniform and determined God was going to cover my uncertainty and I was just to concentrate on loving this little guy and showing him how much we were excited to be with him.
When we met, he was getting out of his car too. He ran around to us and I noticed his soccer ball he brought. We had bought him one yesterday to give him. The case worker introduced us and he allowed us to give him hugs. No hesitation whatsoever. He put his soccer ball away and took the new one. We made small talk at the table, asking little things like what’s your favorite color and what time do you eat breakfast. He asked to play soccer with Scott so they had a little match. I’m telling you, there’s an aspect to this whole thing that I hadn’t really thought through totally and that is his and Scott’s relationship. Watching Scott trying to keep up with him was just the best.
I wish I could show you the other side of that picture, friends. We talked some more, got on the swings and the play set some.
We didn’t realize it but we were supposed to bring the girls. About 30 minutes into our meeting she offered to let us go to the house and let him meet the girls. He even rode in the van with us!
He did great with the girls. He had memorized who was who. He looked around the house for a bit and then played some PS3 with Scott. Him and Lexi even teased each other a bit and Lexi said, “Yeah, you’re going to fit right in.”
The dogs took to him right away. Bella scooted up right next to him on the couch. Tucker was a gentleman. He didn’t even bark when they came in.
He was anxious to swim and is looking forward to our day visit on Saturday so he can do it all day. In fact, he didn’t really want to leave today. I told him we could walk him out and he asked if Scott would carry him on his back. Sweetest moment ever watching those two walk across the front yard.
I keep smiling when I think of him rolling his eyes at Scott’s silly jokes and how easily he seemed to fit everywhere.
This isn’t going to be easy, but what kind of good story doesn’t have hard parts?
God is so, so good and so faithful. I feel like I’m living in a dream.