random

Favorite songs on my iPod right now:

Enrique Iglesias: Push, On Top of You, Ring My Bells,  Somebody’s Me, Stay Here Tonight, Tired of Being Sorry,  Wish I was Your Lover, Miss You, Don’t You Forget About Me, Do You Know (yeah, basically the whole album I’ve been playing on repeat since I got it)

Jackson Waters: entire album

Maroon 5: Little of Your Time, Wake Up Call, Won’t Go Home Without You, Kiwi, Figure It Out (the whole album is fantastic but those are my favorites)

Daughtry: Feels Like Tonight, Gone

Hawk Nelson: Everything You Ever Wanted, Every Little Thing

Lumidee: She’s Like the Wind

Keane: Somewhere Only We Know

Rascall Flatts: What Hurts the Most

On a whim I did a google search for a college friend of mine.  We met in the second semester of freshman year in a programming class.  I’m pretty sure he liked me but then realized Scott and I were dating and by first semester Sophmore year, he totally renounced liking me questioning why he ever had.  We had the oddest relationship I have ever had.  No one could understand why we were friends.  He was EXTREMELY smart and we usually were the top 2 of the class.  I think I managed to get better grades on at least a few tests.  Anyway, he was really quiet.  He had a sense of humor but it was very dry and he never opened up to many people.  I think he had a handful of other girls I know that he was friends with, 3 of which I also became friends with.  But we did everything together.  We had all of our computer science classes together, even some physics and such.  We did our honors projects together, staying up was past midnight once to get one done.  We ate lunch together, walked around campus together, etc.  He did other things with other people and M went to school there too so we did stuff but a lot of my memories of college are with D.  We weren’t flirtatious at all really and we didn’t even talk that much but we always were together.  We even drove all the way to Virginia for a programming contest at VT once.  We didn’t talk too much there either.  It was a strange thing.  He actually reminded me of my dad.  You just sort of know he’s there and doesn’t mind your company but doesn’t talk a lot.  I do remember laughing quite a bit though.  He would always whisper something funny about the professor or someone or something going on. And he was always making fun of someone for something and giving you a hard time about something.   We met up a few times after college with the other 3 girls I mentioned but then never really kept in contact.  In fact, if I remember right the last time I saw him was for one of those girls’ wedding.  He attended it with a date and I remember thinking she seemed to be a good fit for him, I’ve always wondered if they got married.

Last night on a whim I thought about him and searched for him and found his master’s thesis.  It mentioned a company he worked for and I remembered him talking about working for them before.  I somehow found an email address to that company on some conference information he had attended and emailed him to see if it was him.  He was always HORRIBLE at returning emails so I didn’t expect one back from him. But I got one tonight.  Nothing major, very D like…I’m still alive, how are you basically.  I gave him the short of my life in the past 7 years and hope to hear how he’s doing.

On a side note, it looked like he forwarded his email to his home account, also on gmail.  Which I think is really funny because D is the one that introduced me to my beloved Google way back in college.  In fact, I also remember him being the first person telling me about mp3s.  He always seem to have his pulse on the newest stuff.  I think it’d be cool to hang out with him again now.  As strange as it was, I do miss D.

I went looking for a particular journal of mine in my bedside table to find a Vintage Amy post and it’s not there.  I’m a little worried about where it might be.  I don’t ever throw things out like that and I really thought it was in that table.  I don’t know where else it might be which makes me worried.

i feel like crying for some reason.  i can’t wipe the frown off my face.  i’m embarrassed.  sick of myself. tired.  very, very tired.  stressed. sad. depressed.  hurt. and tired.  tired of feeling the way i do and fighting it and not feeling things i want to feel.  tired of analyzing myself. just so darn tired. tired of trying to be a perfect mother and failing miserably.  tired of trying to be a perfect wife and failing miserably. tired of trying to be the perfect volunteer and perfect friend and perfect sister and perfect daughter.  and somehow trying so hard and not getting any of it right.