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Good morning and welcome to the Advent season.  I introduced it in this post last week but wanted to remind you today I’ll be going through The Greatest Gift each day until Christmas on the Facebook page.  I don’t know about you, but I need some accountability to stick to something like this and sharing just a few thoughts a day will help.  I just posted Day 1:

Advent Day 1: Ann starts in Isaiah 11 talking about the promise of Jesus through David. “Out of the stump of David’s family will grow a shoot–yes, a new branch bearing fruit from the old root”

She reminds us that Christ comes small and quietly. “Christ comes small, the micro-macro-miracle who comes in the whisper and says, Seek Me.”

Love this reminder that while Jesus pursues us, he always gives us a choice and never demands of us. We have to seek him out in the quiet. This is my hope for this season–that I’m quiet and seeking and not too busy to miss moments with Him.

It’s not (ever) too late to start Advent. Pick up a Kindle copy of The Greatest Gift and join us on Facebook.

I need to go surface-level today—some good ‘ol girl talk. I turned 35 this year so I’m as Mid-30’s as you can get.  I’m still on the uphill climb to 40, as they say, but it’s clear we’re getting close.  I’m not old by any calculation, but I am older and I’m starting to see some changes I thought we could bond over today.

The whole aging-changing-body thing really hit home recently when I realized my eyelids are changing.  Now when I blink, I can feel extra skin. Like, what is that??  No one told me to expect I’d have droopy eyelids by 35.  I can’t put on eyeshadow like I used to because it looks all funky and wrinkly towards the center of my eye.  I’ve never considered plastic surgery but believe me, when I have a 2nd eyelid completely formed, I will have it removed.

And while we’re on the face, let’s talk about those creases between my eyes.  I look like I’m constantly mad or confused.  Even though I always said I wouldn’t, I told Scott the other night I needed Botox so I didn’t look so upset all the time.  I always scoffed at the Botoxers but y’all, I don’t like looking mad all the time!  The only way to rectify this is to lift my forehead up and smile and y’all, that is not an easy resting face to maintain.  Let me just tell anyone that sees me in real life that I am not mad, just aging.

Can we talk about hair?  I swear.  Chin hair?! I can’t even.

My hair has been graying for years, but I now have full-on streaks.  They’ve been hiding underneath, but in my latest headshots, I can see them right on top. I refuse to color it though because my plain brown is so hard to mimic. I’m holding on to my gray-streaked brown hair, people!!

And what is with my neck?  My jaws are starting to drop no matter how much I weigh and I have a bunch of wrinkles starting to show up on my neck.  My moisturizing routine keeps getting lower and lower and now I realize why the Mary Kay lady always wanted me to do my face AND neck, even at 19.  I should have started on this sooner!

My arms are starting to do the wave.  No longer do I have naturally toned upper arms.

And my hands!  My hands have way too many lines in them.  Emma actually turned my hand over the other day and asked what all the lines were from!  Old age, honey!  Sometimes I just stare at the girls hands thinking of the long-gone days of soft, supple skin on my hands.

My boobs are well, heading south, but that started way back in the nursing days and y’all, I might actually be glad to have small ones because they won’t make it very far.  They’ll be flat but they won’t get caught in my belt.

My hips keep spreading outward while my thighs are looking more and more like cheese. 

Even my knees are aging for goodness sakes. I looked down at my knees a few years ago and realized the skin was sagging.  I mean, why don’t people warn you of these things?!

People.  Tell me this is normal.  If you are mid-30’s or older, what secrets do you have to stop all this mess?  What other fun stuff do I have to expect? Lay it on me, I’d rather know now.

source

Words from yesterday’s sermon are messing with me in the best and worst of ways.  In fact, there is one word that keeps coming up in a multitude of ways.  Yesterday I heard it again: “Comparison.” 

I see women walk by downtown with their scarves and cute boots and feel inferior. I realize I spend too much time at home and moments I’ve felt stylish have purely been sad attempts at fitting in to a culture I’m rarely a part.  I click on others’ pictures and then feel superior because surely I do a better job.

I see pictures of some people’s houses and wonder why I can’t get it all to go together so flawlessly.  And yet, my pride puffs if someone compliments my house.

I think of times we give and pat myself on the back, feeling superior to those that don’t and yet feel inferior when I hear of big-gives from bigger hearts.

Inferior and superior, I flop back and forth all the time, sometimes with the same person, always measuring.  I don’t do it purposely, seeking out to make myself feel better or someone else worse. I’m not mean-spirited, but when challenged, I see that I do it anyway.  I’m confronted with my own pride and it feels disgusting, making me feel inferior to just about anyone.

The words yesterday challenged me to bring back in the gospel.  Who does God say I am?  What is the race I am to run?  I am responsible for my own steps, my own callings, my own self.  I will be held responsible for the opportunities and gifts that he gave me, not any others.

I am like my daughter, always wanting to find someone to be my side.  I feel God calling me to my own race, one where I might feel lonely and different and yet, one where I won’t feel a need to constantly compare because I’ll be on a path unique to me.

I’ve lived like a chameleon my whole life, always trying to blend into family and friends, to whatever calling they may have.  The thing about chameleons is they have to compare their surroundings to match.  I feel the call to stop.  Say yes to the callings that no one else hears.  Express myself the way I am because that’s what God created me to do.  Live in a home that feels comfort to me because my friends aren’t the ones living with me.  Give because God gave it to me to share, not someone else.

I feel like it should be easy to be myself, but it’s not.  It turns out there isn’t another me to copy.

I’m not a chameleon and neither are you.

I’ve said it before, but we should be clear I’m not the organized type.  I always thought because my personality types confirmed I’m a logical thinker, it meant I was a logical organizer.  No.  I’m quite the opposite.  I know where most things are, but it’s usually in the midst of some big pile.

Recently I made 3 very small changes around the house that made a huge impact.  I thought I might share for those of you who might be organizationally challenged too. 

#1 Bookcases by Color

I ran into this article detailing 9 ways to organize your books through one of Holley Gerth’s posts last month.  Maybe it shouldn’t have been, but it was revolutionary for me. 

I love walking into a library—it feels GOOD to be around all the words organized correctly.  I couldn’t ever get mine together in the same way that made me happy to see them. My system was just to simply shelve a book on the end of a shelf where there was space. It felt icky and I didn’t like that I didn’t enjoy my books.

I never realized until reading that article that it was ok to organize your house in a way that fit YOU.  For me, bookcases are supposed to be shelved by genre and last name. 

I’d seen the pretty pictures on Pinterest of books organized by color, but it never occurred to me that organizing books by color meant they were actually organized—just arranged. 

Within 10 minutes of reading that article, I organized my (humble) shelves by color.

I’ve never been more happy with my books.  I remember books by their spine color and know just where to go for the book and it’s pretty.

#2 Alphabetical Spices

This is Organization 101 but I have to share.  It took me FIFTEEN years of marriage, but I finally alphabetically organized my spices. 

I was looking for cumin Tuesday night to make my taco mix and realized for the hundredth time I was searching every single row for the cumin.  Every. single. time. 

Where could that cumin be? 

Am I out of cumin?

Is it hiding behind the pepper?

Is it in a short container or big container?

Why couldn’t I just pick it off the shelf after a quick scan like I do in the grocery store? 

So, as my meat browned for tacos, I had enough and organized my spices in about 3 minutes.  AMAZING.  WHYYY did it take me 15 years to do this?

#3 Unorganized Jeans

So, maybe this isn’t exactly an organizational tip but hear me out.  I usually sit right in between two jean sizes.  If I’m just a few pounds lighter, I wear one size.  If I’m just a few pounds heavier, I wear one size larger. Right now, I’m in the larger size. 

I would wear the larger size that fit until laundry needed done and I was out of the larger size. I would pull those smaller sizes out and squeeze into them.  It made me feel TERRIBLE all day long.  I was physically squeezed and mentally, I beat myself up for that muffin top I just created by squeezing into the wrong size.

I finally had the epiphany the other day I just needed to remove the smaller size from the hangers and set them aside.

BOOM.

I feel SO MUCH BETTER.  I’m not tempted to wear the smaller size and I feel amazing in the larger size.  I’m physically more comfortable and I don’t have a muffin top reminding me of the few extra pounds I need to lose.

My smaller sized jeans are now organized into a neat little pile in a different part of my closet.  My hanging jeans now have much more room and my brain is happier.

While nothing here is revolutionary, these small changes made a big impact for me.  Maybe you need to try one of them out?

I’m curious, do you organize your books or spices differently?

Yesterday Annie posted about having fun.  She says not only does she like having fun, she “spend(s) a portion of every day trying to think of ways to add fun to whatever activity” she’s doing.

She then goes on describe people around her that are no fun…the ones looking for ways to have “quiet” or “peace” or the ones taking Zumba class way too seriously. <—all me 

She asked at the end of the post for how others have fun.

Honest to goodness, I could not think of any way to have fun.  If someone had come in the door right then and said go do whatever you want no matter how much it costs and have fun, I would have come up blank.

I find things enjoyable like reading but fun? I don’t finish my book at night and say, “Wow, that was so much fun!”

I thought about it all night.

I even talked to my girls about it.  Lexi seemed very concerned.  “Don’t you like having coffee?” Yes, I do like having coffee with my friends.  I mentally made a note.

I realized I really have fun going to the local theme park but we don’t often go because Scott hates heat and crowds and Lexi hates going anywhere mostly.  Concerned Lexi quickly said, “Well, I would go if you wanted to go!”

I had a ton of fun the past weekend. I realized I love flying.  I love eating out.

I was starting to remember fun.

I’m a conference junkie and legitimately find them fun when I’m not totally overwhelmed by them.

I really miss going to country concerts—those were fun.  Scott and I used to go to the local country bar 2-3 nights a week and would line dance and attend the concerts on Friday nights.  We quit when we got married but those were good times when we called heating systems draper ut and we bonded fixing the fire place.

I love live-tweeting a TV show when everyone else is tweeting too but with DVR hardly anyone watches live TV anymore.

I love having silly girl time with my girls. When they’re on a roll, they crack me up.

Movies are great, especially in the theater.

And loud music.  I really like loud music.  When I was a teenager, I had huge speakers in my car and pumped out songs like Gangsta’s Paradise.

So, I don’t know. I think I’ve lost my mojo a little.  How lame is it that I had to think so hard about having fun?

I don’t know if you might have noticed or not, but let me make it clear: this has been a hard summer.  Summer is always hard for me because I’m never available as much as I want to be with the girls so there’s always this undercurrent of disappointment.  Add in the unexpected water leak and a leadership position in our company’s internship program this year along with all the other stuff I’m usually juggling and my capacity was simply pegged.

The past few days though I’ve been able to gain some relief.

I’ve simply let go of getting everything back together from the water leak.  The rooms are together and livable.  I still have a bookcase to stain, decorations to make, and wall art to buy but I realized I was the only one feeling pressured to get it all done and NOW.  I’ll work on it when I can and other than that, I’ve just had to let go of my own expectations (story of my life).

Last Thursday, we had our closing ceremonies to our internship program during a trip to Sioux Falls SD.  I haven’t talked much about it but I’ll say that it stretched me more than anything I’ve done to date at work. 

Even though it was challenging, seeing the difference of my intern between the start and finish was pretty astounding and it really did make the time worth it.  I was like a proud momma watching him give his final presentation.  Add in some great dinners and conversation (and a pedicure) with my coworkers, and our trip last week truly felt like a celebration and closure of the summer.

I followed up that trip with a 24 hour stop in Wisconsin see my friend (and Scott’s cousin) Carla.  I mentioned it in Thursday’s anniversary post but she divorced this past year and we had spent countless hours together walking through that valley. 

I hadn’t seen her in nearly two years so being with her was felt like a final closure to that time.  In fact, she hasn’t seen any family or friends from home for almost two years so I know for her too it was relieving, to say the least.

I felt God’s grace all over our weekend.  From a special bakery to a beautiful night of fireworks to a prayer sung by a 6 year old over homemade spaghetti to a little cheese house to a school house turned cafe to an empty table at a restaurant in the airport, God didn’t just pass by, he orchestrated every moment.  Even the one where I had to hug the one that had hurt her and hurt us and silently say I forgive you.  God’s grace multiplied.

We have just a week and a half before school starts so the start of this final full week of summer truly feels like a goodbye to Summer of 2013.  Emma gets her braces at the end of this week so even that feels like a new start.

Sure, I will miss having the kids home and the warm weather and trips to the beach and ice cream runs and late-night movies but I’m ready to dust myself off, give our routines at home, school and work a new beginning. 

How about you? How would you describe this summer for your family?

One of my pastors always said God gives what you need when you need it.

I believe it.

Last week was hard and this week probably won’t be any easier.  But this weekend was a pocket of rest in between where God gave me what I needed.  It all came in the form of others, as he so often does.

While the weekend provided lots of rest—I really did take a Sunday nap—and fun moments there were 3 times where I felt like God was really providing what I needed.

On Organized Playroom

The first will likely sound like the least spiritual provision to anyone ever, but my mom spent hours upon hours Friday and Saturday helping to reorganize the kids’ playroom.  You other moms will recognize this as the Godsend that it is.

I have spent hours through the years (here’s one iteration) doing the same—Barbies here, Polly Pocket here and American girl there—only to have them completely destroy it over and over.  In fact, when it’s the most organized is when it’s the destroyed the fastest.  The whole thing makes you want to bang your head on the wall incessantly.

The past few years I’d kind of given up on the whole deal.  Everything got picked up off the floor and thrown in bucket and good luck, kids!

We’d gotten to the point where we’d just close the door.  Each time I walked by, it mocked me reminding me what a failure I was and how entirely spoiled the kids were can’t you just get it together.

My organization loving mom wanted a good challenge apparently because she volunteered to come and give it another heave-ho.

I got really nervous for her when she kept dumping entire boxes on their end and Barbie shoes and chards of used crayon went flying everywhere.

By day two, Mom was laughing at the disaster but only because the only alternative was to cry.

It was bad.

She pressed on though and while there is still organization of each “station” to be done, there are in fact, stations in the playroom now—American Girl, Barbie, medical lab, houses, parking garage and crafts.

The kids are ooh-ing and ahh-ing at toys they haven’t seen in years.  I haven’t seen them play this much with their toys in quite some time.  With Emma 11 this November I know time is running short on their use and before we know it we’ll be transforming this room once again.

Needless to say, getting something DONE is just what I needed after a terribly hard and somewhat unproductive week.  Thank you, Mom.

A Hug from a Friend

Lysa TerKeurst’s conference SheSpeaks happened over the last few days here in the Charlotte area and I happened to see a tweet from Holley Gerth last week asking who was going to be around.  Although I would LOVE to go to SheSpeaks, I just haven’t been able to make it all work so I wasn’t attending.  However, since it’s only 30 minutes away I immediately tweeted Holley back about crashing the hotel and meeting up with her. 

You might remember, I spent some time with Holley in a few sessions this past spring so I was really looking forward to saying thanks in person.

I ended up heading up there Saturday morning and listening in to Holley’s session on God-sized dreams.  It was just the encouragement I needed to hear.

One takeaway I thought I’d share was that Holley defines success not by a number or published book but by simple obedience. If we do what God calls us to do then we have succeeded, no matter the outcome.  Guess how much I needed that simple reminder after last week?

Plus, it turns out Mandisa was at the conference too and I sat right behind her and then was able to snag a picture.

You know I love a good run-in with a celebrity.

A Well-Timed Word

And finally, this last one comes with unfortunate news. While I was meeting Holley Saturday morning, one of the pillars of our church suffered a heart attack after his morning run and died.  It was terrible news to receive on Saturday afternoon. 

Our pastor scrapped his sermon for Sunday and taught on suffering.  I know that family is suffering way more than I ever have, but I love how God can use his word to comfort many of us in our myriad of circumstances all at the same time.

He reminded us that God uses our hardships to draw us closer to him, not to push us away.

So it’s with all that, that I come into another tough week with a renewed spirit and reminder that God is good, he loves me and I can make it through.

I hope your weekend provided the rest you needed and I know God will give you what you need when you need it.

When I turned 30, I took 10 days here to talk about each year from my 20’s.  If you want to recount my college-graduating, marrying, having-baby days, they’re quick reads. Just remember they’re written from the 5-years-ago Amy at 29.

20th year /  21st-year / 22nd-year / 23rd-year / 24th-year / 25th-year / 26th-year / 27th-year / 28th-year / 29th-year

If you remember the original posts, you get 1000 extra bloggy points today! Thanks for traveling this road with me.

I wanted to pull out a section from that last post where I document wishes for the decade I’m exactly halfway through today (Yes, I’m 35 today!).

In the next ten years, I hope to be a better Amy, closer to God than ever before, raise two precious little girls as best I can and make the most of every single opportunity I have.  Try not to be so busy I miss out on precious time I have with my family and yet seize fun opportunities as they come along. 

I’m 5 years in and I can see I have changed.  The 30’s have been teaching me who I really am. 

I’ve shed a lot of my insecurities, settled into “the middle”, captured my role as a homemaker and have been gripped more than ever with love for Jesus.

At 40, there won’t be a list of long life-changing events like there were in the 20’s but the changes internally in the 30’s have been astounding.

I ran into these verses and they couldn’t be more appropriate for today:

Psalm 39.
4 “Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
Remind me that my days are numbered—
how fleeting my life is.
5 You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand.
My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;
at best, each of us is but a breath.”

My life is just a moment, but a moment nonetheless and I’m celebrating at this milestone all that God is doing. 

Thank you for being a part of that.  Esther’s words ring in my ear, for such a time as this.  How fun that we get to share our lives across these wires, unlike any other generation ever? YOU are my gift today.