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We’re here and we’re good. I don’t have time now to go into details. But we are getting settled and are very happy with the house so far.

Oddly I’m feeling much less stressed and much happier today. We draw within 72 hours of the big move and I’m feeling ok at the moment. Maybe because we managed to pack 99% of Emma’s room up. That only leaves the essentials in the kitchen along with the food, the laundry room with the cleaners, the essentials in the bathroom and then the rest of our closet. Oh, and my computer stuff and the TV stuff. Most of that we probably can’t do until late tomorrow or Thursday anyway so I feel like we are ok on time.

I talked to S who is the mother of H I’ve talked about before. H is two weeks older than Emma and she told me today that H can count to 10 and put it to practice AND she can spell her name. What?! Seems like awfully smart to me. Emma can’t even SAY the word Three much less put it in sequential order or actually count anything. I know I shouldn’t compare but geez. We are planning to get together tomorrow for a last play time. I need to return one of her cookbooks anyway. I will miss S&H. She does visit up to Charlotte sometimes so hopefully she’ll be able to stop in and see us and hopefully we’ll make it down to the zoo down here again and can meet them there.

Saturday evening got better after our company came. Emma was an angel with guests here. She sure does love people.

But I ended up exploding anyway. I just waited until late last night. I haven’t cried that hard in quite awhile. I know I’m stressed but I had something of a “quarter-life crisis”. I guess my main thing is just I’m not the same person I used to be. I know alot has happened in the past couple years and there’s no way I could be the same person, but there is just something different. I get irritated more easily. I snap at Scott and my family more easily. Sometimes I have to try to be nice. Rarely in my life have I had to try to be nice. In fact it was the exact opposite. I don’t know, on the outside I think in some ways no one can tell the difference but inside I feel differently. Scott and I discussed this and I do feel in some ways that Scott’s bad habits and attitude have rubbed off on me. He has a tendency to have a know-it-all, sarcastic and sometimes even mean attitude to certain people at times. He gets it from his dad and I don’t know how I can live with Scott if his attitude turns out like his father’s. His dad can be the nicest person and will do anything for you but his temper is on a short fuse and usually only with the people closest to him. A lot of times I feel like I need to leave their house just because I can’t stand the arguing and attitudes anymore. I feel like Scott and I are starting to turn into them. Today I just feel drained. Like I lost something as of yesterday. I guess admitting that a part of me is gone and now what am I left with? Someone that I certainly don’t want to be. I don’t think you could say I am nothing of what I was or am an entirely new person but I can see myself headed in the wrong direction. I hate that my patience is not what it used to be, that my anger comes faster, that my resentment is building. Even though I do see a lot of similar traits that Scott has, I certainly can’t blame him. I am responsible for my own actions. I do blame myself for not continuing to stay solid in my Christian life. I know that has a lot to do with it. We are really trusting God in the big things in our lives. We have looked to Him for direction in our jobs, family, this move. We still go to church every Sunday. But it’s that daily walk, the small things where I’m lacking. And I think it’s just a matter of surrounding myself with good things and good people and not letting Scott get away with a bad attitude. And maybe learning ways to calm myself down in a stressful situation. I have seriously considered counseling. I think I have personal issues beyond this that are affecting even our sex life. Scott ensures me that I don’t need it but sometimes I wonder if what I’m feeling is normal. I am sure all these feelings are just compounded because of the stressful week we are having.

We have been looking forward to moving back home before we even left, but a lot of times in the past week or so I have had a few reservations. Number one is the whole church thing. I love the church down here. I love that none of our family goes there, I love that not every one knows every one. I love our Sunday School. I like our Wednesday night meals. I just like it all. And our church back home, well, it’s like family to me but I just don’t know if it’s what we need right now. They did get a new pastor since we left and I guess we could see how it goes with him. But what gets me is when I mentioned this to Scott, he said he felt the same way. We both want to leave but are too scared to do it. Everyone at the church (foremost his parents) have looked forward to us moving back into town and they would be upset if we finally came back and then didn’t go to the church. I don’t know. I know I can’t live my life by what people think of me but I do have concerns for other people’s feelings. My other issue with moving back is being close to family again. I’ve talked to my mom about it some and she completely understands but I just can’t have that same conversation with MIL. The way I feel right now is that we are literally going to be bombarded with family all the time. All weekend will be spent with family, Mom and MIL will want to spend every lunch break at the house, our evenings will be spent at each parent’s house during the week for dinner. And really, what I’m describing is how our life used to be. Literally. We were never home because we were always with our family. I remember when Scott was in academy and we still lived there that I felt like a taxi service for Emma. I have told Scott and I mean it that I do not intend for things to be the same. We will have family time and some of that will be spent at our house. We are the ones with a small child, they can run themselves crazy all over town. See, I can feel the resentment there already and we’re not even there yet. I’m getting anxious about something that hasn’t happened. The thing I’m nervous about is how we set this time up short of saying Friday nights are our family time and I’m not going anywhere for lunch during the week. I don’t want to be a prick about it but I do want to have a little backbone this time around. But how oh how do you handle that carefully with the people that mean the most to you?? Do I even need to make a deal about it with them. Honestly, I think the things that need to change are me and Scott. Somehow, neither of us can say no. I think both of us need to learn that we do have a family now and we need to learn to make ourselves a priority too. Our family is of course going to take all we give them. We just need to change it on our end.

Alright, that’s enough guts spilled for now.

I must vent before I explode. This is Scott’s weekend to work and I always get like this. It’s just very hard to take care of Emma 12 hours a day without talking to another adult face to face for three days in a row. I’m only on day 2 but I’m already getting stressed over little things. Emma did NOT want to take a nap. I even resorted to the Wiggles tape so she would sit still in my lap long enough to fall asleep. Then, when I put her in her crib she woke up crying, which she doesn’t do anymore, I really don’t know what’s going on with her today. Then, in the midst of this, Scott calls and says why don’t we have my parents over for Father’s Day. (they live an hour away mind you and only come once every few months down here). This is in the midst of Emma’s extreme tiredness and I just said whatever you want to do, bye. So, hours go by and I hadn’t heard whether they were coming. I finally call Scott to see and they are coming, tonight! As in, a few hours. What?? Why didn’t you call me so I could get this house clean. We are now 6 days away from moving and this house is a disaster! No way am I letting my clean freak in-laws see what a wreck this place is. (Not that they would EVER say anything or even think of it, but it would hurt my own pride). THEN, Scott had the nerve to start lecturing me for calling him and yelling at him when he was working a fatality wreck. Now that’s really sad, I mean really, it is. BUT HOW IN THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?? ARRGGHH!! Now I’m flying around here just trying to get enough walking space much less actually CLEAN anything. And what I really need to be doing is packing. No, actually, what I really need to be doing is napping too! I am tired! My back hurts again and darn it, I am trying to grow a baby in here!! Ok, I guess enough whining for now.

Time is flying by. It’s already only 8 days away from our move. Scott has been packing like a fiend since he’s been off the last two days. Almost nothing but paper plates and cups are left in the kitchen. Our closets and bathroom are still to be packed. My computer area hasn’t been touched either. We still have a lot to do but I feel like we at least have a start.

Emma learned how to say “bubble” very well today when we broke out her automatic bubble maker. She loved it.

I’m ebaying like crazy. My last batch before we move. If everything is sold, I’ll make out decent. We are going finance crazy right now with the closing next week and then we just found out today that our insurance is not going to cover the $500 worth of shoe insoles Scott went and bought after they told him it would be 100$ covered. Quite a slam to our checkbook right before a house closing. I guess that what our emergency savings is for. And I thought we were going to have a little extra money from the closing, but now I know where it is going. Argh!

Oh my, where have I been people?? Certainly not on here to announce we’re having another GIRL!!

During the ultrasound, we had that are you sure, are you really, really sure type of attitude, but we’re getting really excited about having another girl. I’m so glad Emma will have a sister and of course we already have a lot of clothes. Since we have found out we of course have been tossing around names and thinking up nursery ideas. We are thinking maybe Riley for a name. It’s the only one we can agree on really. Except for Ashlyn. We both like that too. But they don’t really go together. And we’re thinking lots of pink for the nursery, something we swore up and down we wouldn’t have for a nursery before. I’m not sure what changed except maybe we see how ultra adorable Emma looks in pink. I had lost 1 lbs. since my last visit so my dr. gave me the good ‘ol diet speech. Do whatever you have to do to food so that you’ll eat more. We just need calories, calories, calories. So, I’m going to open up my pack of M&M’s right now. That’s LOTS of calories, right??

Emma has definitely learned to call me Momma now. She was yelling for me at the top of her lungs in Party City today. Scott was holding her in a different aisle while I was looking for plates for the baby shower Thursday night. She was SO loud but I couldn’t help but love hearing her call for me. She yells for Scott by “Da-Da”. And she calls our dog Mattie “Maaahhh” It’s so funny, most of her words come out like she’s singing.

No word on the transfer still but Scott asked off for the day before we move. He told his Fst. Sgt. why and he let him have the days off so he KNOWS we’re buying a house and moving in 2 1/2 weeks.

Speaking of which, we still have not packed a thing. My sister keeps bugging me about it almost every day. She even begged me to at least pack up Emma’s unused stuffed animals so she would just feel better knowing SOMETHING was in a box. I think in my head I’m just waiting to get that final word on the transfer before I do anything. But the reality is we’re probably moving either way and if we don’t get the transfer, Scott will just have to commute until we can get the house sold again and moved back. I just can’t see backing out at this point. I know how that feels and I don’t want to do that to anyone else. Plus, it’s a breach of contract and they can sue us. Details, details.

Here are some pictures of Emma playing outside today.
<img src=”http://www.sabennett.com/emma/100_4737s.jpg”/>
<img src=”http://www.sabennett.com/emma/100_4735s.jpg”/>

Oh my, someone please save me from the whining. And please someone remind me of this when she actually can talk and I’m tired of that too. This little tiny girl is the most insistent, impatient, bossy person sometimes. Lots of small things happened today that seem report worthy. When I picked her up from nursery at church today the nursery worker told me that they were being entertained by her animal sounds. Apparently they were going through a book that had animals in it because when I asked Emma what a monkey said in front of the worker and she did it, the worker said Oh! We didn’t hear that one! She then happily said bye bye and waved and then walked down the hall toward the exit of the church. Now why can’t she be that sweet ALL the time? She sure does have her moments.

Boy, if those workers could have seen her at lunch. We met Scott at Golden Corral and she was TERRIBLE. She made me hold her while she ate so Scott hurriedly ate while Emma ate. I went to get my food after that and she insisted she sit in my lap while I ate. Scott tried to take her but that made her worse. People were staring and one guy even stopped and talked to her and said, What’s wrong, you’ve been crying since you got here. I was just shy of being mortified. We draw attention when Scott’s in his uniform and we meet him for meals anyway, but this really topped it off. I barely got threw my salad and I just walked out with her. Scott followed with my purse and her cup. It was awful. A waste of money, that’s for sure. We usually don’t attempt an out to eat dinner on Sunday afternoon’s just for this reason, but I thought maybe since she was in such a good after nursery that it might work.

This afternoon I had to get out (Scott’s working this weekend, can you tell?) so I took several bowls of different sizes outside to the front porch in the shade. There is a water spigot right beside our front door so I had plenty of water to keep filling up what Emma kept emptying. She was SOAKED by the time we were done. She even kept bending her head down in order for me to pour a bowl of water on her hair. Which she normally does not like when she is in the bathtub. Anyway, we were out there for a whole hour so it took some time.

Then we went out to Target. I thought it was going to be a disaster when I tried to put her in the cart in the parking lot and she wouldn’t sit in the seat. I took her out and put her back in the cart right inside the door. Thank goodness for the little boy getting in a cart right beside us. It distracted her from her temper tantrum. I quickly got her diapers and crackers I needed and even let her do the credit card at the check-out. She’s really good at that. She even handed it to the cashier so she could check the signature. Anyway, to bide more time, I went and got myself and ICEE at the food court thingy and let Emma sit in the cart and eat the crackers which she had been whining for. In the meantime, our friends S&H turned up and we talked for a few minutes. I let Emma have some of my ICEE and she was surprised I think. She ended up really liking it and I let her have what I didn’t want. She drank it the whole way home (only about 4 minutes) and loved it.

So, when we got back, we stayed outside for a few minutes and I let Emma try to unlock the trunk with my keys. I wouldn’t let her go to the front door so in case she scratched it, it was on the trunk and not the door. She went anyway so I gave her a little spanking and picked her, took away the keys and headed inside. She screamed and then BIT ME on my shoulder and then HIT ME with both hands in my FACE. I about had a heart attack. I was in complete shock. I didn’t do anything but continue going inside. I then let her play on the counter with her sippy cups while I cooked dinner. When she got in trouble for throwing cups off the counter, she cried and I finally gave in and stuck a Wiggles tape in which she happily watched while I finished and ate dinner in some sort of peace. She’s been whiny on and off even since Scott has been home. Let me just say I’m happy to have him home until Wednesday.

I have no idea why I gave so much detail about today but I guess I had to get a little frustration out. I talked to a friend from our church back home. She is such a mentor for me and was talking about how our children are gifts and how blessed she feels with her children. I kept trying to remind myself of that today through all of this.

So. I have even more to ramble about today. Our inspection was done yesterday by one of Scott’s friends. Mom and Dad met them there since we are out of town. Mom said he did not do a proper inspection which I tried to tell Scott that beforehand. Mom said he just walked through the house and only checked out a few things. Mom said he didn’t even check things like the washer, dryer, dishwasher or even the heat. At least he didn’t charge us. Dad said that he didn’t think we needed to make a big deal about it though because he felt like the house was in good condition. Mom and Dad are really smart about that stuff so I trust their opinion. It is kind of disappointing that he didn’t do a good job inspecting it though.

Tomorrow I go to the dr. I’m 15 weeks now. This really has been going quickly. It seems so strange. I kind of keep forgetting I’m pregnant. I’m not showing yet, I haven’t really been sick. I have had some heartburn and I get really dizzy if I get up fast but that’s the only symptoms I’ve had. We are hoping for an ultrasound tomorrow. She said she would try to get us in there and try to figure out the gender. Yay! I’m hoping to find out! Scott and I have been tossing around some boy names. Zachary Alexander, Ethan Tyler, Ethan Scott, Zachary Scott, Landon Scott. Who knows. The thing is, I want something that I know we aren’t going to plan on a nickname. Like, if we are planning to call him Zack, then we’ll just name him Zack. And everytime I say our full name with Scott has the middle name, I feel like I’m saying Scott’s name, not the new baby’s. I feel like he needs his own, unique name. So when MIL suggested Elijah Scott and call him Eli, I just couldn’t go with it. It went against both of the rules. And I’m actually not stuck to those rules, it’s just they rub me the wrong way.

Oh and the Captain and Colonel are supposed to be meeting tomorrow about the transfer. We found out another guy from our county wants to transfer to the same county we want to transfer to and supposedly has already moved there without having his transfer approved. According to Fst. Sgt. who we heard all this through, Captain is pushing Scott’s transfer through and the other guy’s only if he can get two pushed through at the same time.

So I’ve rattled on enough. It’s a big week ahead of me. Lots of work. D’s baby shower I’m throwing myself. M’s engagement shower I’m co-throwing out of town this weekend. This time next week I think I’ll be completely worn out.