what i did today

My answer may surprise you given that I asked the question of Twitter and Facebook and am now blogging my answer. My love for the Internet knows no strangers.

Here are the rules we formulated:

-No taxes are taken out.
-You would not or could not connect to the Internet again. As in, the stakes would be too high for you to do it (like an awful death) or you would be rendered incapable by some technology that does not currently exist.
-You would be able to continue your work-related Internet-required tasks. As in, I search Google often for programming -tips. I would be able to do that but could not, say, take a break at work and check my bank account.

My short answer: yes, I would do it. Send me the check, I’m out.

For sure, it would be HARD.

But my first reaction is come we were doing this less than 15 years ago! I fully remember the days of calling to get directions, checking the weather on the guide channel, looking in the phone book for a number, mailing checks for your bills, talking on the phone to friends and family to get updates.

But I do have to admit, times have changed and some things simply do not work the same. I have DirecTV now and do not have local weather on my TV. Many people do not have local numbers in the phone book since we have gone to cell phones exclusively. Companies we work with are not local at all. It’s not as easy to contact them or check your account. For sure, the playing field is different.

People have cited required services as a reason to say no, but even socially, some say we can’t live without it. With family and friends sprawled out over the globe, many keep up with them online. People stay in touch with breaking news online now. CNN, Yahoo, Twitter and Facebook and the like all keep us informed of what is happening.

But I would submit all these are niceties. There is nothing that I do that is not work-related that there is not some phone or paper alternative still. I can still write checks, call for phone numbers, listen to a weather radio, read the newspaper or watch the TV for news, write in a journal, send letters, call my bank for account information, call my family. Sixty years from now in 2071, though, who knows, that might not be the case. Will there even be checks or printed phone books and newspapers down the line? I’m going to guess no, in 60 years, things will be very different.

I am 33, if I live another 60 years then giving up the million dollars for the Internet is like saying I will pay $1300 every single month for every one of those 60 years to be able to go online. I just don’t think I’m willing to do that. If my cable service tried to charge me $1300 this month for the Internet I would say you can kiss my account goodbye!! I am perfectly content with using a phone book, making a call, writing checks, writing in my journal, calling my friends to check up. The question remains will our world continue in such a way that it is possible to live without the Internet? I think that’s the real question here.

So my answer is yes, with the world as-is, I take the money.

Now that I have my million dollars though, what do I do?

I would finally quit work and live off the million dollars in some way. And although one million dollars really isn’t enough for a family to live on for the rest of your lives, it is enough for us to supplement Scott’s income and keep us floating just fine. And I’m guessing I would be spending A LOT of time on the phone getting things done. Have you called an 800 number recently? Aye carumba!

My second option of what I would do is continue to work and use the money missionally. However, I just don’t see me giving up the chance to stay home with my girls.

Perhaps if I went the route of quitting, I would return to work at some point and use the additional money left missionally.

In closing though, giving it up would be HARD. The simple fact is life is changing and most of us are very reliant on the Internet. Beyond the social aspect, we do so many required tasks online. I’m very appreciative that I don’t have to pay for so many checks or sit on 800 number calls constantly or pay to print hundreds of pictures to share with family or handwrite these blog posts or make dozens of long phone calls every day! Yes, the Internet can be a time-waster but I think it is such a time(and money)-saver too. So while I would probably take the million dollars, I still think the Internet has value and I’m not quitting on my own volition anytime soon!

Start

Still. Be still and know that I am God. I can not help but think of that verse. How many times has that proven to be true? Only when I have submitted to the stillness have I heard the voice of God, known that He IS God. I lie face down on the soft carpet of my closet, temporarily my prayer closet, tears wetting the threads. How I yearn to know Him, know what He wants and desires. I have tried in my busyness to know Him. Lord, help me be patient. Lord, shut my mouth. Show me your compassion. Lord, what do I do. When do I go, when do I stop? My soul searches for his words, any word to know him. But it is not until I lay low in the carpet and be still that I hear him. Child, I am here. You can hear me now in your stillness. Be still and know that I am God.
One would think the default is to be still and it would take effort to actually do something. But it is in our nature to go, to move, to speak, to run, to do. Always going and never still. In an ironic twist, it takes effort to be still. Our way to know him is a conscious choice. And he wants us to choose him so badly. Stop and listen. Be still and know.

Stop

linked Gypsy Mama and her Five Minute Friday, hosted at (in)courage

Author’s note: I feel the need to add that God does speak at all times, not just in my stillness. I don’t mean to say you have to lock yourself in a closet to hear from him. But the times I do make myself still that way, I always know he is God and those were the times I was remembering while writing.

We’ve realized Tucker puffy hearts water.  And it’s ironic since our dog Mattie puffy hates water.  Today we caught him on the “high dive” going to get his toy.

I keep telling Scott we need to train him for those long distance jump contests dogs do, right?

MamaKatsLosinIt had a great post today about her top 10 life stories.  You know, the stories that haunt you no matter how old you get and get told over and over.  I figured it was as good a time as any to share a few of mine.

• When I was a toddler one Easter morning, I became inconsolable which was very atypical.  My parents took me to the hospital only to find out I had a straight pin stuck in my uterus wall.  I had emergency surgery and still have a scar about 4” long on my abdomen.  I have to tell that one every single time I see a new doctor.
• I ran into a screen door at my great-grandmother’s house and produced the scar on my chin.
• I decided since I loved tuna so much that I would certainly love tuna cat food. I did not like tuna cat food.
• And speaking of cans of food, one time I was trying to open one and when I grabbed the lid to pull it back the rest of the way, it sliced right through my finger. Blood went everywhere and I probably should have had stitches but if I remember right, my dad was in between health coverage.
• Heather and I got in a fight and I pinched her so hard that she still has a few crescent shaped scars on one of her hands.
• I was in the kitchen cutting something and complaining vehemently about the knife not working right.  I was using the wrong side.  Those triangle tipped ones are confusing!
• I woke up and got ready for school but no one else was up.  I went upstairs and told my parents with force that they needed to get up and Heather needed to get up, we were all late!!  My mom looks at the clock only to find out I had gotten up and got ready at 3am.
• My friends and I were in the Wal-mart check out line and I mentioned the “Eskimopie” (es-keh-moh-pee) candy bar.  Little did I realize it read "Eskimo Pie”.

I didn’t make it to 10 but I’m very sure my family and friends could recall some other ones.

“Just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. For five minutes flat.”

There’s a story I want to tell.  My story.  From six long years ago.  But it’s a story of failure and shame and deceit and lies and a broken marriage.  And it’s hard to talk about.  But I know I need to share my story and I feel the fear shutting me down every time.  But God has bigger plans.  I know it, I feel it. He won’t let me go.  He never lets me go.  He has this plan and he’s going to do what he always does.  Makes beautiful things out of us.  He takes the worst of us and makes it the best of us.  Even kicking and screaming and wanting to forget it all.  He never lets us forget how he saved us from ourselves.  How without him we’d screw it all up over and over.  And it reminds us to stay close.  Stay away.  Stay submitted.  Surrendered. Redemption of our sin does more for us than perfection ever will.  So how can I say no?  How can refuse the Maker when he’s wanting to make something?  I am only a vessel, a piece of clay to be molded. I must remember this.  And write. 

I wrote this as part of theGypsyMama’s Five Minute Friday.  I didn’t pay attention that the prompt was “full” but it’s clear I am full.  Full of story.

It’s been a different week, that’s for sure. It’s been quiet around here. And I don’t just mean my blog.

This week is the annual beach trip for Scott’s family. One of the downsides to being a full-time employee is I can’t just take off whenever I want. I have a set number of vacation days and I have to plan out when I’m taking them. (I KNOW. It’s like a real job and everything!) As a contractor for 10 years, I was used to just saying I’m not going to be here this day and using extra money set aside to handle the loss of income. All that to say: I didn’t get to go to the beach this week. Emma decided to go ahead with my in-laws Sunday and then very last minute Lexi decided to go with her.

So *I* am having quite the staycation. At times, it’s exactly what I need and at others, I’m downright bored and a little lonely. I’ve stayed busy, busy getting some things done that I never have time to like cleaning the oven and finally moving all my bathroom stuff over to the new bathroom. I am definitely enjoying the freedom to do what I want when I want and also don’t find myself guilty over being gone at work all day. However, cleaning the oven is really not too fun overall. I guess maybe I should have just parked myself in front of the TV or book and refused to move to really get some rest. I will do that some tonight. The thing I’m most excited about is heading out to see Beth Moore last minute tomorrow night since the kids will be gone. I hope to be fully refreshed when they get home this weekend!

Tomorrow is our big Department of Health inspection for the adoption so say a prayer about 10am! God already performed a small miracle by getting Scott to finally agree to put his guns and bullets in two different locked locations. I finally had to half-yell things like “THEY DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE A POLICE OFFICER! IF A KID WANTS TO USE A GUN HE WON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE A BADGE! IF YOU DON’T WANT TO DO THIS, WE DON’T HAVE TO ADOPT! YOU REALIZE YOU’RE JUST MAKING THIS HARD FOR ME WHEN SHE DOES THE INSPECTION!” Holy cow. Other than that, I think we’re pretty compliant unless they get extremely picky but obviously we could use some prayer 🙂 Hope you’re having a great week!

I started The Me I Want To Be, on my birthday eve last night.  And this paragraph seemed to really resonate with me.

Here is the good news: When you flourish, you become more you.  You become more that person God had in mind when he thought you up.  You don’t just become holier.  You become you-ier.  You will change;  God wants you to become a “new creation.” But “new” doesn’t mean completely different; instead it’s like an old piece of furniture that gets restored to its intended beauty.

I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to be a me that really is a them.  In childhood, my parents; in teenagehood, my friends, or those I wanted to be my friends; in my 20s, a me that was a different me.  I think in my 30s I’m really starting to understanding what it means to be God-driven you-ier.  I don’t have it all figured out, but so far, I like my 30s a whole bunch more than I thought I would.

It turns out a lot of becoming me is not about me at all.  Back at Catalyst I signed a card that my birthday gifts would go to Charity: Water.  I’ve made a donation for my birthday and have a campaign page set up. It’s a lofty goal, but I’d love to provide 33 people with water for my 33rd birthday.  That’s $660 to raise.  Consider donating to my birthday page here and set up your own birthday campaign while you’re there.

So here’s to another year of becoming you-ier.  Thank you for taking this ride with me.