That Moment You See Your Son For the First Time

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Art I received at Allume in 2013 from The Ruby Pearl

 

As far as I’m concerned, The Boy is now Our Son.

I know I prayed to know–to really know–that he was ours, but I’m still surprised at how right it all feels.  We walked into the meeting where I was literally eyeing the trash cans in case I puked.  I was so nervous about what we might hear.

We saw his picture before the meeting started.  I pulled them out and while I can’t describe him or show him to you, I will only say that I knew.  I’ve been feeling like this is really it for several days–that this was the real deal.  In fact, I sobbed last night as God gave me a glimpse into a much larger story he’s been writing.  Something about seeing his picture, though, was the final stamp.  I truly didn’t even need to hear his story to move forward.  However, the meeting went very well.  They read us his background summary, answered questions and then handed us all of his records to take him and study.  I wish I could tell you details, but I will say I’m looking forward to showering him with love and attention.

I can tell you only that he is 8 years old.

And even with that small amount of information, I need to do some math for you and give you a peek into some things that God has been doing.

Do you know what was happening 8 years ago in our family?  We were in the midst of my emotional affair.  Our marriage was the worst it’s been. I just know Satan was trying to tear our family apart not only to ruin all of us, but also to stop this rescue.  Coincidentally, at the same time this boy came into this world.

Two threads began.  One birth of life and one attempted birth of death began.

And did you know, when we began considering adoption 3 years later, we were wanting a 3 year old?  And do you know that he would have been 3 at the same time?

I have no doubts that it wasn’t just that God “let us have him” so that our timelines would “match” but that God specifically set that desire in our hearts so 5 years down the line, he could bless us with our son.

The celebration of his life rescued and our marriage redeemed.

Two threads tied together forever.

God is so stinkin’ awesome. I cannot even stand it.

 

As for next steps, we are thinking that Scott and I will meet with him at a park for an hour next week.  From there, we schedule home visits and then hope to have him settled before school starts in August.

So many of you have reached out to tell us you’re praying for us and we so appreciate it. Clearly, God is near.  Please continue praying that our path forward is cleared and that our hearts continue to be joined together as a family.

 

I walked into that meeting today ready to be sick and walked out doing a happy dance at the elevators.

And so it was..that she, having waited long and endured patiently realized and obtained what God had promised. Hebrews 6:15

 

What I Wore Wednesday 07.16.2014

Happy Wednesday to you!

I spent a lot of time in the pool this week and was at the office the last two days so I only caught one casual outfit this weekend.

 

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I wore this on Saturday for errands and school shoe shopping since I had a reward dollars and birthday credit at Rack Room.  As you can see, the girls aren’t the only ones that got some new shoes.  These are a tad out of the box for me, but I loved the pattern and color.  Plus, it matched my outfit and I ended up getting them for $9! Score!

butterfly pink black

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Let’s connect so we can do this again!  Like AmyJBennett on Facebook.  Follow me o nPinterest (where I post these inspirational pictures), Instagram (where you might sneak an early peek of an outfit) or Twitter.

Adoption: Presentation Meeting and Prayer Requests

I hadn’t planned to post today but, I wanted to tell you we set our appointment time with DSS for the presentation meeting–this Thursday 7/16 at 2pm.  I started to make it just a status update, but as it turns out, I have Some Thoughts.

We will be read his background information, be able to ask questions and be sent home with his records so we can decide if we want to move forward with the adoption.  I know we can’t pray to change the past, but please pray for us as we listen and then decide to move forward. I’m taking lots of tissues!

Here are some specific things you can pray about:

  • I want to listen with grace. I already know I’m going to hear some terrible things.  Why else would he be in the state’s care?  But, I want that to move us to compassion towards him, and not towards hatred and bitterness toward whomever was involved.  I want our hearts softened, not hardened as we walk away. We cannot do anything to help his family at this point, but we can love him well. More hatred in our hearts will not help.
  • I want it to be clear whether we are to move forward or not.  I want our hearts to be drawn toward him and just know he’s our son.
  • I truly believe that our timelines will be woven together in ways we cannot imagine.  If this is truly our son, I’m already seeing some threads and am amazed. I want eyes to see the moments where God has been at work.
  • I want wisdom as we communicate to our girls. What is enough for them to understand?

I feel like Thursday will be a turning point.  Right now we know almost nothing, but Thursday we will know all they do.  He won’t be just a name and age to us, but I hope to see his face and know his journey to us.  I’ve been likening this feeling to when I was pregnant and waiting until week 12 to be able to breathe.  So many things can still happen, but it will be like that turning point when you can let go a little.

It’s scary and exciting all at once.  Less than 48 hours, ya’ll!

 

Fangirl, Adoption Update and a Birthday Request

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Random – don’t you think this tree bark looks like pages of a book?

 

I’m in the midst of a few really busy days at work, tonight we hosted a party for Scott’s birthday (Happy Birthday, babe! That’s 20 birthdays we’ve celebrated together!) and in between, I’ve been disappearing into Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl at every chance I get (Only $5 Kindle book right now, but it’s no Eleanor & Park). So, apologies, but no major posts for the first of this week.  If you missed Faith and Waiting on Friday, I’m praying it will be encouraging to those of you facing some type of wait.

For those following along with our adoption journey, I didn’t want to leave you hanging without a post for a few days and no explanation. We originally thought we were going to hear The Boy’s records/history last week and then have a home visit, but the presentation meeting got pushed to this Thursday. Home visits will happen some time after that and as far as I know, the idea is still to place him at the end of July/beginning of August so things should start progressing quickly.

So, I’ll probably be back for a short What I Wore Wednesday and then hopefully some sort of update on Thursday evening.  Or maybe I’ll just be blubbering all evening.  Not sure yet. Also?  Friday is my birthday, so as an early present (other than, hello, getting to know my son–how about that timing?), go like the Facebook page AND you won’t miss the updates coming up!

Love you guys!

Faith and Waiting

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lightstock.com

 

Yesterday I spent some time going back through old posts here and some old emails, piecing together our adoption timeline.  It’s been about 5 years now since we really started thinking about adopting so I’ve lost the details of what has happened.  I’m so thankful that I’ve been documenting the process because otherwise I believe I would have missed some things that God has done along the way.

We’re in an interesting time right now as we are probably in the final days of our wait.  I listened to a podcast last week on the way to work and the guest speaker of the podcast was talking about how she has learned that waiting is right where God wants us.  Looking back, I agree. I have seen these past years have been an opportunity to grow my faith.

It is one thing to get an idea to do something and then have to wait until you can make it happen.  It is an entirely different thing when you feel that God has laid something very specific on your heart and then you must pursue it and wait until he works out all the details.

I have not waited very well at times.  In one of the emails from January 2013, I told someone that oftentimes I have felt like we made up this whole adoption thing—that it was really a desire of our hearts and not of God’s—and therefore it just wasn’t working out.  We must have been mistaken, maybe selfish.  Maybe we just wanted a son so badly that we conjured up this plan.  I was doubtful that it was ever going to happen.

And yet, there would be times where I could see God working along the way and I would be encouraged.

It reminds me of Abraham and Sarah when God told him at 99 years old that Sarah would have a son in her old age. Abraham literally laughed out loud.  I have to think how many times she must have doubted and wondered if God had just gotten it wrong.

But how much more faith it takes to say I know God will bring this to fruition because he said it versus saying it after it has come to fruition.  Actually, it is not much faith at all to believe something after you’ve seen it happen.  In fact, it is only when we do not yet see it that it is faith.

I wish I would have waited with more faith.

A day after listening to that podcast and before we knew of our match, I wrote in my journal, “I’ve been running into theme lately: WAIT.”  After the failed adoption in May and staring down another potential long wait, I pondered whether God saw the desire of my heart to see the adoption through. This wait word continued to lay on my heart.  I began to look up verses about waiting.  The first verse that came to mind was Isaiah 40:31 Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength.

Isaiah 64:4 says He acts on behalf of those who wait.

Isaiah 30:18 says  Blessed are all who wait for him.

Romans 8:25 says If we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

I kept going and wrote down all the ways we are supposed to wait:

expectantly

quietly

patiently

with hope

eagerly

It’s almost a contradiction to say you should wait eagerly while also being patient and quiet.

I think it’s the picture of knowing in your heart that he is going to do what he says he’s going to do so your heart is full of hope and eager to see it come to fruition, but as we live that out, we are patient, not anxious, wondering where in the world God is.

I also wrote down that God has an appointed time for what he wants to do. I underlined appointed.  Our timing is just not his timing.  He knows what he’s doing and will not be rushed.

And did you know, the very next day after writing this we found out we were matched?

I believe God needed to give me that very clear lesson on waiting so I could sustain this last month.  Even though it seems a short time to say he will be placed with us within a month, right now every day feels like an eternity.

And yet, every single day, God has been giving me a little sign to say I’m still here, I’m still working, you’re on the right path.  It is a chance to see God moving if I choose to.  Once we know everything and he’s placed, our hopes will be fulfilled and we can say He was faithful, but right now, our faith in him has a chance to grow.

And so, even though we are so anxious to learn more about him and meet him and spend time with him, I am actually enjoying these last days of waiting.

And so, I wonder if there are any of you that are waiting?

I know I have other areas of my life where it seems that the wait is eternal.  It’s easy to want to shake your fist at God and say where are youDon’t you hear my prayers?  Aren’t you going to do something?

Let’s take hope. God does act on behalf of those who wait for him.  Wait patiently.  Wait eagerly.  Wait with hope.  Let your faith grow.  Say now that you know God is working towards his appointed time and you eagerly await the day you’ll see it.  Go ahead and thank him for the ways he’s working that you do not see.  Go ahead and thank him for how he’s going to move on your behalf.

See the wait as a gift of faith.

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