Yesterday I spent some time going back through old posts here and some old emails, piecing together our adoption timeline. It’s been about 5 years now since we really started thinking about adopting so I’ve lost the details of what has happened. I’m so thankful that I’ve been documenting the process because otherwise I believe I would have missed some things that God has done along the way.
We’re in an interesting time right now as we are probably in the final days of our wait. I listened to a podcast last week on the way to work and the guest speaker of the podcast was talking about how she has learned that waiting is right where God wants us. Looking back, I agree. I have seen these past years have been an opportunity to grow my faith.
It is one thing to get an idea to do something and then have to wait until you can make it happen. It is an entirely different thing when you feel that God has laid something very specific on your heart and then you must pursue it and wait until he works out all the details.
I have not waited very well at times. In one of the emails from January 2013, I told someone that oftentimes I have felt like we made up this whole adoption thing—that it was really a desire of our hearts and not of God’s—and therefore it just wasn’t working out. We must have been mistaken, maybe selfish. Maybe we just wanted a son so badly that we conjured up this plan. I was doubtful that it was ever going to happen.
And yet, there would be times where I could see God working along the way and I would be encouraged.
It reminds me of Abraham and Sarah when God told him at 99 years old that Sarah would have a son in her old age. Abraham literally laughed out loud. I have to think how many times she must have doubted and wondered if God had just gotten it wrong.
But how much more faith it takes to say I know God will bring this to fruition because he said it versus saying it after it has come to fruition. Actually, it is not much faith at all to believe something after you’ve seen it happen. In fact, it is only when we do not yet see it that it is faith.
I wish I would have waited with more faith.
A day after listening to that podcast and before we knew of our match, I wrote in my journal, “I’ve been running into theme lately: WAIT.” After the failed adoption in May and staring down another potential long wait, I pondered whether God saw the desire of my heart to see the adoption through. This wait word continued to lay on my heart. I began to look up verses about waiting. The first verse that came to mind was Isaiah 40:31 Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength.
Isaiah 64:4 says He acts on behalf of those who wait.
Isaiah 30:18 says Blessed are all who wait for him.
Romans 8:25 says If we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
I kept going and wrote down all the ways we are supposed to wait:
It’s almost a contradiction to say you should wait eagerly while also being patient and quiet.
I think it’s the picture of knowing in your heart that he is going to do what he says he’s going to do so your heart is full of hope and eager to see it come to fruition, but as we live that out, we are patient, not anxious, wondering where in the world God is.
I also wrote down that God has an appointed time for what he wants to do. I underlined appointed. Our timing is just not his timing. He knows what he’s doing and will not be rushed.
And did you know, the very next day after writing this we found out we were matched?
I believe God needed to give me that very clear lesson on waiting so I could sustain this last month. Even though it seems a short time to say he will be placed with us within a month, right now every day feels like an eternity.
And yet, every single day, God has been giving me a little sign to say I’m still here, I’m still working, you’re on the right path. It is a chance to see God moving if I choose to. Once we know everything and he’s placed, our hopes will be fulfilled and we can say He was faithful, but right now, our faith in him has a chance to grow.
And so, even though we are so anxious to learn more about him and meet him and spend time with him, I am actually enjoying these last days of waiting.
And so, I wonder if there are any of you that are waiting?
I know I have other areas of my life where it seems that the wait is eternal. It’s easy to want to shake your fist at God and say where are you? Don’t you hear my prayers? Aren’t you going to do something?
Let’s take hope. God does act on behalf of those who wait for him. Wait patiently. Wait eagerly. Wait with hope. Let your faith grow. Say now that you know God is working towards his appointed time and you eagerly await the day you’ll see it. Go ahead and thank him for the ways he’s working that you do not see. Go ahead and thank him for how he’s going to move on your behalf.
See the wait as a gift of faith.