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If last week was a week of doubt, of questioning, then this week is one of faith.  I don’t consider it at all an accident that just days before IF:Gathering, every question was rising in my head.  I don’t consider it at all an accident that for two weeks before IF:Gathering I was beginning to feel anxious heart palpitations and a tightening in my stomach.  No, I believe the enemy had sent an assignment of doubt to kill my faith.  I believe my logical, sinful self tried to take over and make me doubt what I’ve always believed:  Jesus Christ is who he says he is.  He did what he said he did.  He loves us like he says he loves us.

Words fail me for what God did in my heart this weekend.  I gathered with a handful of friends whom I love dearly and we sang and we listened and we got real about our doubts and our hang-ups.  We spoke truth and encouragement to one another.  Something in me said this is how it’s supposed to be.

 

 

Right from the beginning, Jennie Allen reminded us revival starts when we repent and believe.  Believing is hard but that’s what our cloud of witnesses are for.  We’re not alone in this.  There are others both around me now and in the Bible that say yes, God really is who he says he is.

Christine Caine reminded us that what should have taken 11 days for the Israelites to get to the promised land took 40 years because of fear, doubt, murmuring, unbelief and complaining.  We can be delivered from our slavery but be kept from our freedom because of fear and doubt.  It is time for our generation to have our own cutting away of sin so God can do a new thing.  We have to believe the truth of God’s word over the facts.  The Bible says if you abide in my word then you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.  We must be a people that immerses ourselves in the truth.  And, I love this part, she says we believe crazy stuff at the cross, we may as well embrace all the crazy.

Ann Voskamp reminded us that we must put down the comparison stick.  My life and calling are not going to look like my friend’s.

Rebekah Lyons taught that the anxiety we feel is because of unfulfilled responsibility.  We know God has called us to something and we’re not doing it.  There were two very specific things I’d been struggling with doing for months.  MONTHS. And I was letting fear and doubt stop me. I cared more of what others thought than what He thought.  She reminded us that “we’re it.”  We are God’s church sent to be his mouthpiece.  There is no one else to share about him.  We are the salt and light of the earth and we must live boldly.

Jen Hatmaker reminded us that we must stop treating our world like our enemies.  The world is looking for someone that is constantly making their belief real.  She asks who is the forgotten and neglected around us that we need to go along side to serve?  We don’t have to do everything but we do have to play our one note.

So many more speakers shared truth.  I wrote pages and pages of notes.

 

So, let me tell you what this boiled down to for me:

I must stop doubting and believe.  I need to get back my childlike faith and take him at his word.  I can have a confidence and boldness to share those beliefs.

My anxiety was an unfulfilled responsibility.  God is calling me to some things and it’s not a big, gray dreamy calling. Sometimes, it’s things like take a plate of cookies to the new neighbor.  Make some breakfast casserole for your friends.  We can find these out like manna every day.  He is a light to our path and he will give us just what we need as we go.

A local gathering of women is powerful and effective.  It is time for us to stop caring what each other think and start caring about and for each other. I am more convinced and convicted than ever that God is using women to reach the lost. We have been silenced and neglected and abused for years (I speak of the church at large) and I believe God is redeeming us, graciously using us to bring people to Him.

 

My battle cry here for years has been to grow, grow, grow.  I wanted to do more and know more and be used more and wanted others to do the same.  I’m afraid I’ve gotten it all wrong.  My heart’s desire, and what God has been trying to show to me (remember the feather at Allume?) this whole time is I want people to be free, free, free.

We don’t have to be anxious or depressed, unsure of our future, trusting no one and believing no one really loves us. We have a great and mighty Savior who we can believe, without doubt. One who will provide everything we need when we need it.

He says all who are weary come to Him, his burden is light.

 

Friends, I am praying that God has given me a new heart of belief that lasts—that this faith he so graciously poured out through his spirit this weekend will not be dampened again by fear and doubt.  And get ready because I’m praying a double portion for all of you.

So, maybe you heard there was a debate on Tuesday night?  Bill Nye the Science Guy and Ken Ham from Answers in Genesis squared off over whether creationism is a viable model of origins.

I listened to most of the debate, only trailing off somewhere in the Q&A.  By Wednesday morning, I was confused as ever and had to send S.O.S. emails to a few friends with my doubts.  They are awesome, no doubt, and pulled me back.  I was feeling very alone in my doubts and I’m guessing some of you are too.  I thought it might be worth sharing a few things I was pondering and a few truths of which they reminded me. 

 

I was raised in a conservative Christian home in the South and attended public school.  I always believed in the literal 6-day creation, but because of my schooling, believed the earth to be an old earth.  I didn’t even realize there was another option.  Evolution theory was something to be wary of, at best, in school.

When I was in college (maybe?), I attended a homeschooling event with a few families from church. Ken Ham was the keynote.  At the time, I had no clue who he was.  I heard him discuss much of what you heard on Tuesday night, particularly around the age of the earth, and many other theories which were not discussed in detail on Tuesday.

I was skeptical.  Our earth a few thousand years old?  I was as conservative as they came, but I had a hard time imagining it.

Years went by and truly, I didn’t think much about it.  In my head it was sort of like eh, the earth is old and  does it really matter whether it’s millions or thousands?  I didn’t care much. I was too busy graduating, getting married and having babies. Not to say that people doing any of those things don’t have time to care, I just didn’t.

 

Tuesday night’s debate brought so much of that keynote back to memory.  I’m almost two decades older with kids of my own to teach.  This time, I care.  To my surprise, there was a scientist on a stage with Ken Ham that seemed to be making valid points.

The fossil record in the Grand Canyon?  Well, yeah, it does seem like layers made through millions of years supporting evolution.

Noah’s Ark?  Well, yeah, now that you point it out, it is suspect that it all happened like the Bible says so.

Millions of species being created in just 4,000 years? That IS a lot.

Ken Ham, while extremely calm and likable, just seemed to say because the Bible said so and that’s why. While I’m a conservative Christian that believes wholeheartedly in the Bible, even I was having  hard time reasoning.  I wanted Ham to make some valid scientific points.  Without that, I began questioning everything.

 

 

First, I needed to remind myself no matter what, I know God is real.  I have a relationship with Him.  He talks to me through his Spirit.  I don’t have physical proof of this, but my soul knows it well.  This faith is a gift from God.

It is reasonable to me that there is intelligent design.  I cannot believe that this world is all a lucky happenstance.  I just can’t. 

I believe that the God that talks to me is the same that created the world.

The fact that I came to believe him by way of the Gospel through the Bible leads me to believe that indeed, the Bible is true.  There are many other reasons to believe it’s true, but I won’t go into it here.

So, based on what I’ve experienced of him, what he says about himself and reason, I conclude God created the world.

 

 

The rest of my questions are answered by either an act of faith, revelation or scientific explanation that jives with the belief God created the world out of nothing.

Here are some excerpts from Ken Ham’s site AnswersinGenesis.org that were of particular interest:

On the fossil record in the Grand Canyon: A walk through Grand Canyon, then, is not like a walk through evolutionary time; instead, it’s like a walk from the bottom of the ocean, across the tidal zone, over the shore, across the lowlands, and into the upland regions. Several lines of evidence seem to favor this ecological view.  How Fast

On the viability of the Noah’s Ark and the flood: The Bible, though, is the true history book of the universe, and in that light, the most-asked questions about the Ark and Flood of Noah can be answered with authority and confidence. Was  There Really a Noah’s Ark & Flood?

On dating methods: All radiometric dating methods are based on assumptions about events that happened in the past. If the assumptions are accepted as true (as is typically done in the evolutionary dating processes), results can be biased toward a desired age. In the reported ages given in textbooks and other journals, these evolutionary assumptions have not been questioned, while results inconsistent with long ages have been censored. When the assumptions were evaluated and shown faulty, the results supported the biblical account of a global Flood and young earth. Christians should not be afraid of radiometric dating methods. Carbon-14 dating is really the friend of Christians, and it supports a young earth. Doesn’t Carbon-14 Dating Disprove the Bible?

I’ve often thought about creation and the supposed “big bang.”  While I don’t believe the Big Bang Theory to explain our origins, I do believe it’s certainly possibly there was a big bang of some sort when God created the universe.  Seems reasonable that speaking the universe into creation could do that, yes?

Am I suggesting all of Ken Ham’s theories to be the ultimate truth?  Certainly not. Am I even sure about a young earth? No.

But, my friends reminded me, and I do believe that science can, should and will align with what God says is true.  The thing that bothers me most is we were, and are, taught the evolution theory as if it’s the absolute truth when it’s absolutely not.  We can explore other theories—they’re out there, but no one teaches what they are.

What I know for sure is that God is our creator and one day it will all make sense.  I just needed a reminder I don’t need that day to be today. I can rest in what I do know is true and have faith that one day, the rest will be revealed.  Is that a weak stance? Perhaps to some.  But to me, I’m accepting it as a gift of great faith from our Creator.

 

This post is offered simply with encouragement to other Christians. I really don’t want anyone else feeling so alone and confused like I was and you should know there are resources out there.  If nothing else, I hope some of you can hear “me too.” 

 

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I’m keeping comments opened, but I’m monitoring comments on this one.  That said, I would love to hear your thoughts about the debate or your theories in general.