Archives for June 2004

Back in the office today. We realized this morning that it wasn’t such a good idea for me to come in today since Scott is working and we don’t have anywhere to keep Mattie while we are both gone. It was never a problem at the apartment when we didn’t have a fence because we always traveled home first and then left her with the in-laws for the day. Oh well, guess we learned on that one. Mattie needs a babysitter too! It will be nice when we can afford to put a fence up. I have had to watch her closely when I let her out because she tends to want to wander the neighborhood if I don’t. In our last house, we got a nasty letter on our front door saying we had to keep her in our yard or they were calling the pound. So, we have to be careful because not everyone loves our Mattie like we do :).

We still are not quite settled in the new house. I think we have about 4 boxes in the baby’s room that we need to sort through. And then the whole garage needs emptied of empty boxes and a few other unpacked items. Not bad for only 4 days in the house, but both Scott and I are ready to be settled. Have the whole move behind us and keep going. Yesterday I worked from home and Emma did ok except for nap time. She doesn’t want to nap in her crib for some reason. She’s been doing really well at night, but naps have been a struggle. I finally got her down about 3:30 yesterday and let her sleep in our bed. She took a good 2 hour nap. Mom stopped by for only a few minutes on her way back from a job. I made dinner and Heather came over and ate with us and then we went to Wal-Mart. Scott’s mom, cousin and g-mother called on their way back from the mall and stopped in to see Emma. Heather stayed a little late and Emma wouldn’t go to sleep until she left so we’ll learn for next time to cut the visit a little short :). The visiting wasn’t bad though because like I said, I really don’t mind people coming over, I just don’t like playing taxi service.

Tonight we are headed to D’s to have dinner. Really the whole mission is to see the new baby’s nursery. D says it is gorgeous so I’m sure I’ll be blown away by it. The baby is coming a week for today. I think I feel overwhelmed for her. Twins a newborn all under 2. It’s a good thing Dd’s (her husband) off for the summer so he can help.

We are struggling with this new baby’s name. We have decided on Lexi for the first name but the middle name, we’re not sure about. And poor MIL can’t seem to get it that it’s Lexi not Alexie or even Lexie. Finally after about 3 emails yesterday I think it sort of got through. So she suggested Kaye for a middle name and I like that a lot. Then she said since Emma’s middle name was Grace, that we needed to use Joy or Faith for Lexi’s middle name. I said I like Faith, cause hey, MY mom just suggested that one because it’s my grandmother’s middle name. And of course MIL comes over last night and is like, so it’s Lexi Joy, huh? Argh. No, Joy is not in the running, sorry. I like Faith or Kaye or even Ann, which happens to be MIL’s middle name. But I have this thing with Anns. Annes more specifically. I am almost sure I’ve never told the story of THE Anne I mean in particular but let’s just say she was in love with Scott and she was the one person I was the very meanest to and disliked the most in my whole life. And now I want my daughter to share the same name? Does it help that it’s spelled differently? Does it help that it’s a family name? I don’t know. That’s yet to be seen, but Lexi Ann is pretty cute.

And uh, yeah, how’s the pregnancy going? This second child syndrome of not getting the same attention is DEFINITELY true. I’ll be 19 weeks on Thursday. The baby moves quite a bit. She likes to kick and stretch. My belly finally poked out a bit this weekend. I’m to the point now I can still wear my regular clothes but they have to be unbuttoned if I want to sit down comfortably and my bigger shorts I bought for that in between stage are so much more comfortable. I’m wearing a sheath dress today so I’m quite comfortable hanging out there without constriction. Someone remarked on Sunday that I had a “cute little belly” so I’m guessing I’m starting to show for sure.

Tomorrow is the big ultrasound. For some reason I agreed to schedule the thing like at 8am so I have to be there at 7:45 am. I didn’t even leave this morning until 7:45am. It will be early, but I kind of like that so I don’t have to wait all day for the appointment. I am anxious to see if everything looks healthy but the last ultrasound didn’t show up anything right away to her even though it wasn’t an extensive one. She did say at that point she had seen problems with others, so I felt pretty good about that. I’m going to have to dig out Emma’s ultrasound videotape and take it with us and put Lexi’s on there too. I like saying Lexi. I hope this child does not turn out to be a boy tomorrow cause then I have to start all over!!

The house is so great. Really. I can’t believe how satisfied I am with it. The only sort of complaint I have is our bathroom is very narrow and much smaller than the apartment bathroom so we’re having to adjust to smaller countertop and storage and a smaller tub/shower. The good news is if we really ended up not being able to live with it, there is room in the back to expand. But the layout in the living area is so great. We had about 10 people over and it was very comfortable. We didn’t feel like we were standing on top of one another. In fact, everyone has been over here this weekend. It’s been great to be near family, but not have to go anywhere to be with them. We even opted not to go out to lunch with either family after church and I stayed home and cooked and Emma napped. I still can’t believe that one. It is truly a miracle that all of this worked out and I totally give God the credit for working out so many details.

We painted our bedroom today. It’s Alexander Julian’s Applebutter. It is wonderful! My mom wants to take a sample home and is considering painting her family room that color. It’s a gold color, but has some brown it. It reminds me of leather. And the paint was so wonderful to paint with. I’m not an total expert on paint but I’ve done my fair share and I could tell it was nice. It gave good coverage without being gloppy and it went on smoothly. Even my dad, who is almost an expert on paint was very impressed with it. Why am I talking about paint??

If you hadn’t ever heard the story, we had a nightmare of a time moving last year with the rental truck. The store gave our truck to someone else and we had to drive 45 minutes out of our way to get one. Then, it broke down in our driveway. Then, it broke down on the interstate half way there and it turned out to be a broken gas gauge and it was out of gas. So last Wednesday we called Budget to make double sure they had our truck. Sure enough Scott calls and says they don’t have the 24′ truck we need, but they do have a 20′ truck he’ll give us for a 20% discount. Fine, we’ll make do. Then he calls and says it wouldn’t start. Well, thank goodness it turns out it was only because he wasn’t putting the truck in neutral to start it. The rest of the time turned out fine, but why is it so hard for rental places to get us trucks?

The moving went mostly fine. Scott fell down the stairs once and Mom dropped a box, but it was just clothes thank goodness. And then the bottom fell from the sky right when we wanted to pull out and we had to wait for the storm to pass, but no biggie. We stayed at Mom’s Friday night and everyone unloaded the truck pretty quickly on Saturday. Our families helped TONS to get the house into order. All of the big stuff is set but it’s all the little stuff we need to find spots for that is left.

Emma was sort of iffy about the whole thing yesterday. She kept trying to get people to take her places. She kept pointing at the cars and shaking her head yes when someone asked her if she wanted to go to their house. Poor thing. She wouldn’t nap in her crib yesterday either. But last night and tonight she went down to sleep without any assistance and last night she slept through the night in her own crib. Our dog Mattie is a different story. She is better today, but she keeps hiding behind furniture when she hears doors open and she won’t walk in the kitchen and she wants to go outside most of the time. Poor doggie.

Oh! and our closing was a whole other story. Long story short, the closing costs were a couple hundred dollars more than we thought and then it was a couple hundred more than that and then every one felt bad for us and knocked some fees down and we ended up still more than we anticipated, but walked out of the closing with $270. All of which I’m sure we’ve spent so far. We had planned on putting a little padding in our savings account with the extra, but we knew we would be wanting all of those new extras when we moved in. We didn’t do too bad with having to buy things. Just some more Rubbermaid storage containers. Actually, we have been giving extra things to people since they don’t really fit in this house quite right.

I am just really happy here. I already feel very “at home”. Even Scott said he likes it a lot better than he thought he would.

We’re here and we’re good. I don’t have time now to go into details. But we are getting settled and are very happy with the house so far.

Oddly I’m feeling much less stressed and much happier today. We draw within 72 hours of the big move and I’m feeling ok at the moment. Maybe because we managed to pack 99% of Emma’s room up. That only leaves the essentials in the kitchen along with the food, the laundry room with the cleaners, the essentials in the bathroom and then the rest of our closet. Oh, and my computer stuff and the TV stuff. Most of that we probably can’t do until late tomorrow or Thursday anyway so I feel like we are ok on time.

I talked to S who is the mother of H I’ve talked about before. H is two weeks older than Emma and she told me today that H can count to 10 and put it to practice AND she can spell her name. What?! Seems like awfully smart to me. Emma can’t even SAY the word Three much less put it in sequential order or actually count anything. I know I shouldn’t compare but geez. We are planning to get together tomorrow for a last play time. I need to return one of her cookbooks anyway. I will miss S&H. She does visit up to Charlotte sometimes so hopefully she’ll be able to stop in and see us and hopefully we’ll make it down to the zoo down here again and can meet them there.

Saturday evening got better after our company came. Emma was an angel with guests here. She sure does love people.

But I ended up exploding anyway. I just waited until late last night. I haven’t cried that hard in quite awhile. I know I’m stressed but I had something of a “quarter-life crisis”. I guess my main thing is just I’m not the same person I used to be. I know alot has happened in the past couple years and there’s no way I could be the same person, but there is just something different. I get irritated more easily. I snap at Scott and my family more easily. Sometimes I have to try to be nice. Rarely in my life have I had to try to be nice. In fact it was the exact opposite. I don’t know, on the outside I think in some ways no one can tell the difference but inside I feel differently. Scott and I discussed this and I do feel in some ways that Scott’s bad habits and attitude have rubbed off on me. He has a tendency to have a know-it-all, sarcastic and sometimes even mean attitude to certain people at times. He gets it from his dad and I don’t know how I can live with Scott if his attitude turns out like his father’s. His dad can be the nicest person and will do anything for you but his temper is on a short fuse and usually only with the people closest to him. A lot of times I feel like I need to leave their house just because I can’t stand the arguing and attitudes anymore. I feel like Scott and I are starting to turn into them. Today I just feel drained. Like I lost something as of yesterday. I guess admitting that a part of me is gone and now what am I left with? Someone that I certainly don’t want to be. I don’t think you could say I am nothing of what I was or am an entirely new person but I can see myself headed in the wrong direction. I hate that my patience is not what it used to be, that my anger comes faster, that my resentment is building. Even though I do see a lot of similar traits that Scott has, I certainly can’t blame him. I am responsible for my own actions. I do blame myself for not continuing to stay solid in my Christian life. I know that has a lot to do with it. We are really trusting God in the big things in our lives. We have looked to Him for direction in our jobs, family, this move. We still go to church every Sunday. But it’s that daily walk, the small things where I’m lacking. And I think it’s just a matter of surrounding myself with good things and good people and not letting Scott get away with a bad attitude. And maybe learning ways to calm myself down in a stressful situation. I have seriously considered counseling. I think I have personal issues beyond this that are affecting even our sex life. Scott ensures me that I don’t need it but sometimes I wonder if what I’m feeling is normal. I am sure all these feelings are just compounded because of the stressful week we are having.

We have been looking forward to moving back home before we even left, but a lot of times in the past week or so I have had a few reservations. Number one is the whole church thing. I love the church down here. I love that none of our family goes there, I love that not every one knows every one. I love our Sunday School. I like our Wednesday night meals. I just like it all. And our church back home, well, it’s like family to me but I just don’t know if it’s what we need right now. They did get a new pastor since we left and I guess we could see how it goes with him. But what gets me is when I mentioned this to Scott, he said he felt the same way. We both want to leave but are too scared to do it. Everyone at the church (foremost his parents) have looked forward to us moving back into town and they would be upset if we finally came back and then didn’t go to the church. I don’t know. I know I can’t live my life by what people think of me but I do have concerns for other people’s feelings. My other issue with moving back is being close to family again. I’ve talked to my mom about it some and she completely understands but I just can’t have that same conversation with MIL. The way I feel right now is that we are literally going to be bombarded with family all the time. All weekend will be spent with family, Mom and MIL will want to spend every lunch break at the house, our evenings will be spent at each parent’s house during the week for dinner. And really, what I’m describing is how our life used to be. Literally. We were never home because we were always with our family. I remember when Scott was in academy and we still lived there that I felt like a taxi service for Emma. I have told Scott and I mean it that I do not intend for things to be the same. We will have family time and some of that will be spent at our house. We are the ones with a small child, they can run themselves crazy all over town. See, I can feel the resentment there already and we’re not even there yet. I’m getting anxious about something that hasn’t happened. The thing I’m nervous about is how we set this time up short of saying Friday nights are our family time and I’m not going anywhere for lunch during the week. I don’t want to be a prick about it but I do want to have a little backbone this time around. But how oh how do you handle that carefully with the people that mean the most to you?? Do I even need to make a deal about it with them. Honestly, I think the things that need to change are me and Scott. Somehow, neither of us can say no. I think both of us need to learn that we do have a family now and we need to learn to make ourselves a priority too. Our family is of course going to take all we give them. We just need to change it on our end.

Alright, that’s enough guts spilled for now.