I just spent 20 minutes crying and I’m sure I could go on, but I really want to get this post out before I pass out for the night.
I’m totally and completely overwhelmed.
And I mean that in the best possible way a person could mean it. I don’t know why God has chosen so many times to bless us, why he continues to give us good things. I have been unfaithful so many times and yet, even when I’m trying to sacrifice and do good things, he just keeps blessing and blessing. This kid, y’all? Is just so awesome. Like, I really feel totally incapable and unworthy of being his mom. He’s not perfect, I know, and I barely know him, really. And I’m more convinced than ever that God is placing him in our family. But guys, I didn’t picture that it could be like this. I didn’t picture a little boy who wasn’t shy and who loves to cuddle. I didn’t picture a kid who was so eager to learn and so eager to please. Who worried about making his bed and put his dishes up and helped around the house without anyone asking. I didn’t picture a kid already knowing how to laugh at Scott’s jokes or knowing how to belly laugh at the dogs. I didn’t picture a little boy who would after only a few days be calling me Mommy and referring to our house as home or calling us his parents or making gifts for us that say “I love you”. I don’t know if my words do it justice, but I just didn’t picture it would be–that it could be–this good.
He already has my heart and it’s totally taken me by surprise.
And now? Now that I know him and see already the wonderful little boy he is after only a year of wonderful care in a foster home, my heart aches at the life that he lived. Did they even see what they were missing?
Our overnight went well, if you can’t tell.
Scott and I were talking and the only way we can describe is that he’s just so normal and he just fits in.
I was lying in bed last night. We had eaten dinner, gone swimming and watched Planes. He had scooted up right beside me just so our arms touched to watch the movie. He wants to be right beside you, but otherwise is in his own world. We had gathered up as a family and read the story of Jac0b and Esau. The activity was to name your favorite things, so we all shared favorite colors and games and movies and food. And were really learning. We had tucked him in and shut the door with his nightlight on. I was lying there and the house just felt full. I can’t explain it any other way, but it was like the final puzzle piece of our family has finally been placed.
We added on our addition 3 years ago and now and for 3 years, we’ve waited for a little boy to be in there. And having him in there last night finally, even better than I imagined, the house felt full and my heart felt full. The way it’s been longing for. And not that my girls have ever been not enough. Ever. They are everything to me. But he is part of that everything too. I just didn’t have the name and face.
This morning, after no issues last night, not even one peep after shutting his door, he climbed into Emma’s bed where Scott and I were. He said, “Scoot over, Daddy!” And he plopped right in between Emma and Scott like it’s always where he should have been.
We took a trip to a local dog park and let the kids and dogs run around, we ate lunch and swam and played more croquet. It was like a lovely staycation.
After we took him home, his foster mom sent me a message to tell us how different he is since meeting us. His anxiety is totally gone and he’s so relaxed. So it’s not just me. She sees it in him too.
Our little boy is making his way home.