I screwed up last week. Actually, it’s been building for several weeks now but last week it all came crashing down. No worries, this is not Entangled Part II.
I suppose it all started when I switched sites. I’ve been so re-energized by the site move.
Moving felt a bit like I went to college. I could express myself the way I wanted and learn what I wanted. Certainly I hadn’t arrived. In fact, it felt like just a beginning. But I had grown up a little.
I added a growth plan and an advisory board. And I loved it. Still do. But the fact is I had scheduled a lot of my time with very little margin. The advisory board has been a lifesaver but it also took extra time.
And then, we decided to get Bella. And, diary, I love Bella. I really do. But she takes up so much time. Any margin that I did have is gone.
And then, I decided to jump into this eBook bundle deal. And oh my word, I’m so glad I did—I truly believe in its value–but it was a ton of work to put together.
Last week I stayed up late every night. I didn’t take my medicine because I was out and I couldn’t go get more because I had to do things like make videos on my lunch break because Bella was actually sleeping through lunch.
People on my advisory board were telling me to slow the heck down and I wanted to but I had committed and I loved blogging and by golly, I loved it all and didn’t know how to lay any of it down.
So, on Sunday afternoon I was sitting in the van waiting on the family to run in and get take-out from McAlister’s because I hadn’t left enough time to grocery shop on Saturday and spent the time reviewing another book from the eBook bundle. And then the tears came as I read Hula Hoop Girl.
I realized I’d picked up too many hula hoops and was trying to keep them all spinning.
I read these words from September:
We…feel overwhelmed in a quickly moving current of things to do, and nothing has perspective. Even the things that have a good foundation or are in their perfect place may seem appealing to us to take on as another hula-hoop. We justify and reason because it is something “good.” Sometimes, I hear women say, “Something has to give.”
Perhaps this is you.
My tears screamed this was me. Ironically, the very act of reading those words was a hula hoop I had picked up but God didn’t waste another one of my screw-ups.
I read the rest of that book, finished off my posts for the eBook launch and then vowed that I needed to lay down some hula hoops. Needed some boundaries. Needed some rest.
God never meant for you to suffer and destroy the very work He began in you (Phil. 1:6). It pains Him to see us push beyond limits and take on more than He requires.
I am going to repeat this part—“More than HE requires.” We often get our desires and His a little confused.
What does HE require of me? Because I know it’s not what the past few weeks have looked like.
I took a long nap on Sunday and have been getting to bed at a decent time. We went grocery shopping on Sunday night and got back on track. I’ve let go of the idea that I have to blog 5 days a week. I’m putting my family back at the top of the list where they belong. And most of all, I want to figure out what he does require.
I screwed up but I sure am thankful for grace.
Readers, I love you so much but please forgive me if I’m not blogging quite every day. Tentatively, I’m looking to put guest posts up on Thursdays starting next week but that might be too much work too. We’ll see. The best way to keep up with the posts is to either subscribe or follow the Facebook page.
I know you’re all so busy too and could probably write your own Dear Diary post. As you can imagine, I’m highly recommending that you pick up the eBook bundle (please make all this work worth it!) and read Hula Hoop Girl. The author is a mother of 10 and I can’t imagine all the wisdom she has. You can catch her blogging over at One September Day too.