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Feathers Season 4 Episode 7 with Marissa Henley: Provision and Trust Through Suffering

June 14, 2016 by Amy Leave a Comment

In this episode, I interview Marissa Henley.

Marissa Henley is a Christ-follower, wife, mom, cancer survivor, and latte addict. She writes at www.marissahenley.com and authored the book Loving Your Friend Through Cancer. Her passion is encouraging those who are struggling to cling to the truth of God’s character.

Marissa shares her story of being diagnosed with a rare cancer and how God provided for their young family and taught her to trust Him more deeply with her life and her children’s futures.

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Links from the Episode

Scripture

Say to him, ‘Be careful, keep calm and don’t be afraid.’ Isaiah 7:4

I would love to connect more with you guys about the episode. Leave a comment here or we can chat about the episode on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.

If you get a chance, please rate and review the episode on iTunes. This *really* helps iTunes find us and most of all, helps spread this message of faith and hope.

The Power of Thoughts, Entanglement and an Emotional Affair: My Interview on the Mud Stories Podcast

October 8, 2015 by Amy Leave a Comment

Heather and I recorded her podcast episode last Saturday. It was a last-minute one, although I’d been thinking on it for weeks. As I was sitting there, a message popped up from Jacque, would I, could I, record my emotional affair story for her podcast Mud Stories? Do you know, though, we’re 10 years out from this relationship and 4 since the eBook and I’ve never really spoken out loud about it publicly? But without hesitation, I said yes. Remember how God has been calling me to speak this year? Yeah, this is one of those open doors I’m walking through.

I find God’s timing is impeccable to have both my sister and I sharing our stories of brokenness and redemption the same week in the same format. It’s a tale of two sisters, both with very different stories, but at the heart, finally learning that God is the lover of our souls.

It’s my prayer that even if we don’t share the same story, that you too would be beckoned by our Savior in your own mud, throw off whatever entangles you and fix your eyes on Him.

Listen right over here.

Some Thoughts on Ferguson, Unity and Small Battles

November 25, 2014 by Amy Leave a Comment

Scott and I got in a fight this morning. Like, I was almost yelling before my eyes even opened for the day. I shoved past him in the bathroom. We were barely polite getting the kids ready for school. I cried on the way home from taking them. I’m not proud of it, but I feel like you need to know it happens. We’ve all been there–saying things we don’t mean, holding our silences longer than we should. It’s marriage and we’re people.

The past few days have had some rough spots with the kids too, both individually and amongst them. It feels like since we got our court date we’ve been fighting fires, one after another. We get one kid settled and the other decides to do something. That issue is resolved and then two of them go at each other.

We all have crap individually. Yours may not look like mine but I bet something is going on. And then, if that weren’t enough, we’re all feeling this heaviness as a nation because of Ferguson.

It’s overwhelming isn’t it? There’s no clear path to the truth or to justice or to peace.

But what I find interesting is that in all these cases, we all have this burning desire in us to get to those things. There’s something innate that’s striving for truth, justice and peace. I happen to believe it’s a God-given desire for Himself.

The Prince of Peace. The Way. The Truth.

And what I remembered today in all of this is we are not each other’s enemies. I am not Scott’s. My daughter is not my son’s. One race is not the other’s.

Satan is our enemy. He wants us divided–brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, citizens of your city. Division is what he’s after. I’m afraid he’s winning in a lot of ways.

I don’t have any sort of control over a lot of it, but I do have some in my own relationships and in myself.

So I do the hard work of trying to get my kids to get along. Scott and I apologize and we hug. I try to mourn with those the mourn and be slow to anger and slow to speak and find what truth I can and forgive where I need to.

These decisions won’t win the war, but they do win some battles and that’s something.

If Satan is our enemy and division is his goal, what battles are raging in your life right now and what is God’s path to peace?

Thoughts on Living Intentionally and Notes from a Blue Bike

February 3, 2014 by Amy 7 Comments

Sometimes I read books and walk away with one thing to take with me. If I’m lucky, a handful. But then, there are some books whose message makes me rethink everything.

As a blogger, author, entrepreneur, wife, and working and homeschooling mom, Tsh Oxenreider knows what it means to live the fast-paced culture of America. And yet, while living extensively overseas, she also learned how to wear those labels in a slow, relationship-based culture.

After moving back to America, she’s relearned how to wear all those labels, get it done and yet, incorporate the slower lifestyle of other cultures so that she’s living the life her family craves.

If you read her blog for any amount of time, you know that Tsh speaks not from theory, but from an authentic voice of experience. She knows how to leave the American chaos behind to live simply and yet richly.

She’s taken all that experience and written Notes from a Blue Bike, encouraging readers to take a break from the chaos and live intentionally.

In her book, Tsh suggests these are the five categories where we can be most intentional with our life.

Work

Travel

Education

Entertainment

Food

Through engaging stories, she challenges her readers to not just mark some things off your to-do list to slow down, but to rethink the life your living. You come away asking yourself questions like:

What will we do when we retire?

Am I doing the work I’m meant to do?

How much work is enough work?

How can I help educate my children—whether they’re in public school or homeschooled?

How can we entertain our family without the TV?

Where should we go on summer vacation and why?

What kinds of food should we eat?

I hope in some way we’ve all asked ourselves these questions, but in this book, we get Tsh’s wisdom on the answers for her family. But what I love about Tsh is that she doesn’t suppose she knows the answers for your family—although she will insist you travel overseas at least once. The doors are open wide for you to wrestle with the questions and figure out what is best for your family.

After I finished the book for myself, I read—out loud and with a head cold, mind you—the entire section on Travel to Scott. I read him my favorite chapter from the Work section, “Enough”.

We are inspired.

I can’t recommend Notes from a Blue Bike enough. Required reading for everyone, ok?

Now, if you’re local, we have some exciting news. Tsh is traveling on a book tour and is making a stop in Charlotte! Follow along at The Art of Simple to get details when they come out.

In the meantime, I highly recommend you checking out these videos on each of the topics and then picking up a copy.

Food: http://youtu.be/r5ROsqUvngQ

Work: http://youtu.be/78XtPP8n6go

Education: http://youtu.be/gjSPkNxdpLI

Travel: http://youtu.be/4y0cd2Yd7Bg

Entertainment: http://youtu.be/PZBYZQdMGxQ

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This post is part of the Blue Bike Blog Tour, which I’m thrilled to be part of. To learn more and join us, head here.

Notes From a Blue Bike is written by Tsh Oxenreider, founder and main voice of The Art of Simple. It doesn’t always feel like it, but we DO have the freedom to creatively change the everyday little things in our lives so that our path better aligns with our values and passions. Grab your copy here.

Thoughts On Our 15th Wedding Anniversary

August 8, 2013 by Amy 3 Comments

On our honeymoon. Yes, I was 12 (JK)

You know when you were younger and everyone got a boyfriend? And then you got to a stage where it seemed like all your friends were getting engaged and married? And then your friends all started to have babies? All the stages were joyous and celebratory even if you did go broke on shower gifts and bridesmaid dresses. Well, we’re at this stage we’re everyone is starting to get divorced. And it suuuckks. Sorry, there’s just no other way to describe watching two people who loved each other become sworn enemies and fight over who keeps a couch. It’s just awful. After spending the last year walking a friend through it, I have SOME THOUGHTS about it but I’m still trying to work it out before sharing anything.

Yesterday I sat at dinner with a coworker. She’s getting married in two months and she asked me for marriage advice. Today is mine and Scott’s 15th wedding anniversary so I thought it appropriate I might share what I told her.

First thing, no one really knows how to DO marriage. I mean, really we’re all just a bunch of screwed up people trying to live within the same walls without wanting to divorce at best and kill each other at worst. A person can drive you up one of those walls in a hurry.

So I share these not as an expert but as a person who has to climb down the wall on the regular (and has a husband who has to do the same).

You can’t last too long in marriage without forgiveness. If there was just one thing I wanted to communicate to my friend it is that. Because as I said, we get driven up a wall a lot of times and forgiveness is what gets us down most of the time.

We have bad days and bad ideas and say bad things and you really just have to learn to forgive the other person for that and move on. Not hold it in your back pocket for a rainy day but to really just say that really just sucked what you did but I’m not going to hold it against you.

Give each other grace to have those bad times and growing room and remember you need it too.

Learn your roles in the household will cut down on 92% of the arguing. In fact, the arguing will show you where you need to make some changes in your roles. If you get upset every single time he cuts the grass because he doesn’t do it right, maybe it’s time for you to get yourself outside and cut the grass the right way. Don’t let tradition tell you what your roles should be. You guys work out what works best for your marriage. It won’t look the same as your parents or your neighbors next door.

Learn your love languages and use them well.

Figure out what The Crazy Cycle is always be the one who gets off first.

Realize that marriages go in seasons. When you’re newly married it’s pretty great–awesome, actually–and then you get into this season where you question what in the world you did. And then you decide to do the hard work to make yourselves better and then marriage gets awesome again. I’m sure we’ll do that 5 more times before our ride is through and it would have helped to know that up front.

Don’t let divorce be a concept you ever discuss. You make it 15 years or 25 or even 55 by sticking it through the hard times and deciding you’re going to be the one to help them through the hard times and they’ll be there for you when you lose your mind a little.

All that to say today on my 15th wedding anniversary, I’m celebrating the hard work we’ve done to get here. It’s no small feat.

But let me say, the hard times make the good times even sweeter.

I’m out of town for work as I write this. Scott called my hotel first thing this morning to tell me Happy Annivesary and I didn’t even know he knew what hotel I was in. He didn’t realize I was an hour behind either so I had to call him back when I woke up a bit more.

When I called back he said he was doing dishes and had just fed the dog. The kids were still sleeping because they’d had a late night with a sleepover with their cousin. He had cut the grass and cooked dinner last night. Basically, he is awesome and I fell in love with him again.

I love to watch him work hard for our family, to protect us, to have fun with us. I love it when he buys me M&Ms at the gas station because he knows I love them. I love when he schedules massages for me when he sees I’m super stressed. I love when he wants me to just sit with him in his recliner because he still likes me that much.

Yeah, marriage is hard work and not at all like the storybooks–in the storybooks you fall in love once but in real life, you get to do it over and over.

9 Rules My Daughters Taught Me About Modesty

March 25, 2013 by Amy 32 Comments

I got an email from my friend the other day regarding a post she’d seen on women and modesty. After some conversation, she asked me how I handled the topic of modesty with my girls.

I answered that we’ve talked about modesty as we’ve gone along.

Foundation of Modesty

When they were younger, we’d run into the Barbie Basics collection at Target. Most of the girls are dressed even more inappropriately than a normal Barbie and I’d just calmly explain that I didn’t think they were dressed appropriately and I wasn’t going to spend my money on them.

As they’ve dressed, I’ve tried to guide them as we go. Those shorts are too short, you need a tank under that shirt or those pants are too tight.

Just this weekend we were watching an awards show and one girl was showing too much cleavage and Scott piped up that her dress was inappropriate.

My girls know the phrase that’s inappropriate.

The email got me thinking though. What have I taught my girls about modesty? Sure, I’ve given them rules but have I explained why it’s important?

Learning the Why

I read this post by Lysa TerKeurst the other day about how she taught her kids about texting and driving by getting them to teach her and her husband about the perils of texting and driving.

My girls are only 8 and 10 so that might seem too young to A, get them to make a presentation or B, have them reporting on modesty. But let me say. My girls can work Powerpoint almost as well as I can. And, if this news about Victoria’s Secret new undergarment line geared towards middle schoolers is any indication, I need to be teaching my girls about modesty. Pronto.

The Immodest Modesty Plan

So I had an idea.

I wanted to sit down with verses to explain the why and then see if they could report on some rules about modesty.

I was planning to somehow carefully cut pictures from magazines or Google pictures and let them sort through them and report back, but that just felt like a loaded gun.

And then it hit me.

I was going to dress up in (somewhat) immodest outfits and they were going to A-gag, B-tell me what was wrong and C-make a rule for how to dress that fixed it.

The Modesty Why

I had them read 1 Timothy 2:9

Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.

Immediately, they were asking why it mentioned no braided hair. Honestly, I sometimes struggle with that part and I think that’s why so many of us shirk away from teaching it.

I just explained that it’s more important to be beautiful because of the good things you do versus how you look, but the point was we should dress modestly and properly. (This commentary from David Guzik is a good one on the verse).

Then I had them read 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

I explained that since we have the Holy Spirit inside of us, our bodies are temples and valuable so we needed to dress like it—modestly, as the verse before explained. I asked them would it make sense to dress immodestly if you knew Jesus was with you. Lexi says “No, Jesus doesn’t want to see that!” Ah, I love her. Just for the record, Jesus has seen it all and can, in fact, handle it. But phrasing it that way helps their minds process the Holy Spirit.

I then explained that the Bible wasn’t specific about exactly what we could wear—shorts, dresses, bikinis, etc so I was going to play dress-up and we could decide together what was modest.

Writing the Modesty Rules

I was a little scared it might backfire because my girls like to dress a little sassy when they play dress-up but oh, when I walked out with a T-shirt tied on the side up to my chest with my stomach showing all the way down to my low-cut jeans, the girls faces told me I’d done just the right thing.

You would have thought I’d just killed a puppy.

Mother! You need to pull your shirt down!

So, immediately they were writing down the first rule (in the ShowMe app ), Cover belly.

Next, I pulled out a shirt with a wide neck that I normally wear on my shoulders with an undershirt, but let it hang off one shoulder nearly down to my elbow until the top of my bra showed.

Oh my gosh! I can see your bra! You need to cover your shoulders!

Cover shoulders.

Make sure bra covered.

This was going better than I even expected.

Next, I put on a brightly printed bra under a thin white tank which I pulled down so you could see the very little amount of cleavage I have.

Cover boobs.

No light shirt, dark bra.

Scott walked in at this point with a very confused face. I think he really wanted to like the scenery but couldn’t process what was happening. The girls explained I was “homeschooling them about modesty.”

Next, I got some elastic gym shorts, folded the waist band down 3 times and pulled them up high. More gasping as I walked out. Your legs! Too much leg is showing!

Cover legs.

Next, I put on some tight yoga pants but kept my short tank on.

Pants not tight.

I decided to really drive home the point and pulled the sides of my underwear above the band my low rise jeans.

Mother, I can see your underwear!

Don’t show undies.

At this point, Lexi took over and said, let me show you inappropriate.

Y’all, you don’t even know how much that statement scared me.

She told me to put a tank top on, my short white shorts and my tall gold wedge heels.

She’s said that’s inappropriate.

They decided if I didn’t have the heels on, it seemed ok but when you combined all three, it was immodest.

No tank, shorts and heels.

At this point, I think they’d experience too much of inappropriate Mother and were ready to move on. I circled back and had them repeat the why and let them bounce back down the hall to their room. We had a total of 9 rules that would satisfy almost any immodest plight.

A Modesty Stake

Through this whole exercise I kept thinking about Emma and Lexi as teenagers. Maybe the sway of wanting boys to pay attention to them will overpower any sense of decency at times, but I can’t help but think this was a stake in the ground for them to point back at in those moments.

I hope they can look back in their minds and remember writing rules with their silly momma playing dress-up one afternoon and they’ll be more apt to listen when the Holy Spirit whispers, let’s do better than that, child.

Moms of daughters, how do you handle modesty? We still have a few more years to hammer this in, so I’m all ears.

P.S. Apologies to anyone offended by the descriptions of my outfits. Just be glad I didn’t include the pictures Lexi took.

31 Days: Have Just Enough

October 25, 2012 by Amy 1 Comment

If you find honey, eat just enough—
too much of it, and you will vomit.

If there ever was a verse I need to memorize, it’s this Proverbs 25:16. I’ve read it so many times and just now is the truth of it settling in.

I’m well known for my addictions. Whether it be to a TV show, artist, song or food, I’m either in or out. When I like something, I LOVE it. It’s my favorite. I have to find out every single detail about it.

I’ve learned over the years that Solomon was right…you end up vomiting too much of a good thing.

My addictions become chains that I can’t seem to step away from and then I no longer enjoy it just to enjoy it.

Solomon isn’t suggesting to abstain but to have just enough.

But what I’ve learned is when you’re like me and you can’t have just enough, don’t have it at all.

Challenge: What is your honey? Are you having just enough or too much?

This post is part of The Nester’s 31 Days Series

31 Days: Mind Your Thoughts

October 15, 2012 by Amy 2 Comments

31dayswisdomlong

Many give little attention to their thought-life. I recall during my emotional affair, I reasoned my thoughts away. As long as I wasn’t doing anything and just thinking about it, there were no ill effects. How wrong I was.

Those thoughts, played on repeat, led to a desire and temptation to act them out. James 1:13-15 says it like this:

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their ownevil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin;and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Your thoughts, when unchecked, are desires that lead to death.

Proverbs 15:26 tells us wicked thoughts are actually detestable to God:

The Lord detests the thoughtsof the wicked,
but gracious words are pure in his sight.

We would be wise to mind our thoughts.

Challenge: Take stock of your thought-life. Are you replaying something in your mind someone did against you and it’s making you more angry with every replay? Are you dreaming about the guy at the office? Are you picturing that beautiful woman from the gym? Are you replaying in your mind all the ways your friend has everything you don’t? Are you scheming of ways to hurt someone? Check your thoughts and redirect any hurt, anger or jealous to prayer before it is full-grown.