spiritual stuff

Today is a guest post by my friend and blogger Jessie Weaver.  She found her feather yesterday after a very bad day, but I love her story because God asked her a very important question before she found it that I think He wants to ask us all.

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Here is what I know about finding feathers: you have to be willing to look down and see one.

Yesterday morning, I begged God to let me find a feather that day. I needed affirmation that He saw the difficulty we are going through with my daughter starting kindergarten. That He knows my heart is bruised and needs a coating of His Jehovah Rapha love. And I believed, with all of that sullen heart, that He could and would provide a feather.

And yet, I found myself a few hours later, realizing I never took the time to look down. I exited the house with my 5-year-old and toddler in tow, buckled them in the van, and then realized I had a flat tire. We borrowed a car from someone else in our building, took my daughter to school, had AAA come to put on the spare, drove to the mechanic to get the tire patched, and then finally made it to my MOPS group, an hour late. I rushed around, the squirmy toddler leaving me little focus.

But then it was the afternoon and I mused that God could only have shown me a feather if Joshua (17 months) had stuffed it into his little mouth.

Hours later, after what seemed like the longest day in history, I was able to be by myself for a few minutes after I got Libbie from her bus stop. I let her go down into the apartment and walked around our building, praying and trying desperately to feel God’s leading.

“Would it mean I loved you less if I didn’t give you a feather, dear one?” He asked me.

“No, God. But please … I need to know You are here.”

Defeated, I began walking back the way I had come. And right there, sticking up out of the soft grass like a flag, was the feather.

I can choose what to look for. I can look for inconveniences, reasons to be upset, ways my kids and husband have messed up – ways I have failed myself. I can look at the toy-littered floor and only see crumbs and mess and how my back hurts and I can’t pick it all up again.

Or I can see blessings, ways to thank God in every moment. His sacred presence sweeping through the mundane places in my everyday. Tiny blonde curls and a winkled nose as the toddler smiles at me. Food in our refrigerator, living in a natural wonderland, with the river running close, the trees abundant with wildlife, the places to run and play full of His glory.

God will give me the feathers. But I have to go out and collect them.

I can’t get over how God is continually showing up for people through these feathers.  I keep getting messages about how God is showing up in very specific ways for people.  More than one person got one feather and discarded it because they thought it was a fluke and then God sent them another one.  This is not an accident.

We actually found yet another one in the driveway–Scott’s first one.  Now we have all found one.

I don’t know how long God will keep this up, but I do know he is not done for right now.  He revealed a phrase that I wrote in Tuesday’s post for me to follow.  It is “What is this?”  That phrase was uttered by others in the Bible and I believe they are related. I have searched Scripture and commentaries and listened to the Holy Sprit and cnce again, I felt led to speak these words both for me and you.

God is providing these feathers like he provided manna for the Israelites.  He is speaking several things through these:

• His fatherly care for us to remind us that he is providing for us, protecting us and loving us–He is our covering both for salvation and every day.
• To make sure that we know that He is the Lord and nothing that is happening to us is a surprise and it is His work alone, not man’s.
• To test to see if we will continually trust him in obedience.
• The feathers and manna are simply a symbol of Jesus Christ.  He is the bread of life and it is through Him and Him alone that we find eternal life.  If this is something new for you, my friend Mandy has a wonderful post about salvation.

Whether you watched or not, read Exodus 16 and John 6 and let the Spirit speak to you.

I hope you are both encouraged and challenged like I am to go to Jesus every single day and receive both his love and direction.

One thing I did not address in the video is that the Lord even instructed the Israelites how to preserve the manna for it to be a reminder for the generations to come.  He told them to put it in a jar and put it in front of the Testimony that it might be kept.  I plan to do the same thing with the feathers.  Don’t you love that God is so attentive to detail that not only would he provide but also help you find a way to remember that he provided?  He’s so good!

Keep sending me your pictures and your stories. They are so encouraging to me.

MaRabelo 

I’ve heard of people, that in face of great danger, sacrifice, turmoil or opposition, they praise the Lord instead of complain. Many find it inspiring that someone would have such great faith to actually praise the Lord in terrible circumstances.

I’m beginning to believe, though, that they praise him not because of great faith but because of their need for great faith.

These last days have been hard. New things have arisen. Jac0b is safe. Everyone is safe. No one’s going anywhere. We are more certain as ever before that things are happening as they should. But things have happened–things which I cannot talk about it and I’m sorry to be vague. But I need you to know even though this is exactly right and you’ll see smiles in the pictures, there is more going on. Isn’t there always?

When I have been at my lowest, I have been singing praise because I need to believe. I need more faith that He is good, that He’s working everything out for our good and that He can be trusted. I praise Him because if I do not, I am lost in despair, in grief, in anxiety, and in anger.

My heart is longing more than ever for God to rescue us forevermore from this sin that entangles us.  We are all slaves to these feeble bodies. And the consequences are sometimes more than I can handle.  I do not want to beg for his coming so others have time to know him, but today I do.

Today I praise and today I beg.

Pray for us?

This post is part of Lysa TerKeurst’s “The Best Yes” Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with many other inspiring bloggers.  To learn more, CLICK HERE. (http://goo.gl/bQVJW0)

Lysa TerKeurst at The Best Yes Book Launch in Charlotte, NC

It’s very hard to believe that we only met Jac0b a month ago.  It’s been quite a ride already.  We’ve seen God open door after door quickly and if you know the social services world, that’s rare.

One story I haven’t told yet, though, is how we almost said no to Jac0b.

In case you missed it, we spent the bulk of May with thoughts that we might adopt a little boy that we found out about from one of our friends.  We began making many preparations for his arrival.  We cleared out the playroom to make it into a bedroom and spent time crossing things off our to-do list around the house.  Once we found out he was being placed with another family, we were disappointed.  Once again, we had a no from God.

We were at peace, though, knowing that if that wasn’t our child, then God was still at work bringing him home.

But we couldn’t help but feel that God was on the move.  Adoption didn’t leave our minds.

In late June, we began exploring the idea of fostering a little boy for a short time. Without going into too much detail, this little boy’s family is struggling and we have been banging our heads trying to find a way to help them move forward.  We began talking with each other about taking custody of him until the family could get some forward momentum going.

We thought maybe God had led us start preparing in May just so we would be ready for this move.

But, every time we talked about it, we talked in circles always just looking at each other in the end and saying, “I just don’t know.”

Sure, it was a “good” thing to do.  Helping a family in need in hard times is something we’re supposed to do.  It seemed hard, but we thought maybe God was just calling us to something hard and we were just having trouble saying yes.

When we talked with family about it, some were ok with it, but others didn’t feel peace about it.

We talked to an attorney to see what options we had since it would be an arrangement on our own, and not through social services.  After those conversations, we felt even less peace about it.  We never gave an outright no to anyone, but we began to just sit on it to see if God would move our hearts to an absolute yes.

In conversations with someone about it, they said, “If you say yes to this, though, you are basically saying no to your adoption.”

If we took this child in, we really weren’t sure when we’d be giving him back.  What if we were matched while we still had him?  Would DSS even consider us still if we were already fostering another child?

As it turned out, just one week later, we did get the call from DSS that we’d been matched with Jac0b.  And I don’t think anyone would argue that he absolutely is the one who is supposed to be with our family.

He is what Lysa TerKeurst calls our Best Yes.

I can’t imagine that we may have missed out on Jac0b or the very least, it would have made some relationships very strained and not have helped anyone at all in the process.

Lysa talks in her book The Best Yes about making wise decisions.  When you say yes to one thing, you’re saying no to another.  And a lot of times those decisions are between something good and good.  Some decisions are clear-cut, but decisions like these are hard.  Should we foster a child to help a family out or hold out on the adoption we feel God has called us to?  Good and good.

Our life is full of these decisions between good and good.  Do I do a bible study or do I stay home and cook dinner for my family? Do we sign him up for soccer or boy scouts? Do we homeschool or do we send them to public school? So many big and small decisions we must make in life.

I have found that there are 3 things that help me when I make decisions.

1 – Does what I want to do line up with God’s word?  If it’s sinful or unwise, clearly that’s a no decision.  In this case, there was no reason to think Biblically it was wrong.

2 – Are the people around me that love the Lord confirming that it’s a good decision?  Many times, I have seen that God will use godly people around you to confirm a decision.  Sometimes it’s through a book or a sermon or people close to you or sometimes it’s someone we haven’t talked to in a while but the Lord lays us on their hearts.  But usually, I find that it’s confirmed from someone somewhere.  Be cautious here because sometimes God asks us to do hard things and our friends and families aren’t on board.   I have found that the next step will help you determine these best yes decisions most.

3 – Do I feel an utter peace and conviction from the Holy Spirit that this is what I’m supposed to do?  Most of the time, I know it’s the Lord asking me to do things when I feel peace and not confusion.  When I feel confusion, I know that is not the Lord.  He is not a God of confusion. Now don’t confuse confusion with difficulty. Many times he asks us to do difficult things, but we can still feel peace and conviction that we’re supposed to do it.  I remember when we moved to Columbia, SC it was a very difficult decisions, but we were at peace with it and looking back now, God absolutely helped us through that time and it was the right thing.  In our case this time, we could not come to a peaceful, convicted state so we knew not to move forward.

The Lord knew His plans. Just a week later our best yes was presented and we have felt nothing but peace and joy through the process of adopting Jac0b and we have had many people confirm with us they see God at work.

Part of me wonders if that was a test of our faith to say, do you really believe that I called you adoption?  Will you say no to the dream I planted in your hearts or will you trust me to provide?

What are some decisions you’re struggling through right now?  Pray that the Lord will show you through his word any clear direction, willl bring people into your life to help speak wisdom and slow down enough to hear his Holy Spirit give you that peace.

If this is a topic you need some more wisdom on, I’d highly recommend Lysa TerKeurst’s The Best Yes.  This book will encourage you and remind you of the importance of slowing down so you can see the Lord working and hear his best yes for you.

And I’m so thankful for people like Lysa who use their gifts of writing to instill wisdom into the lives of women so we can enjoy our Best Yes!

For some reason I was really nervous about what to cook for lunch and dinner on our full day visit Saturday. I’d been told he wasn’t a picky eater, but you know, I wanted him to enjoy it.  My girls are picky and I didn’t want them complaining.  Plus, I didn’t want the cooking to take too much time away from the visit.

I decided that maybe grilled cheeses would be good for lunch and spaghetti would be easy to throw together for dinner.  Lexi and Scott aren’t huge spaghetti fans, but they’ll begrudgingly eat it, particularly when I make some garlic toast with it.

Lexi comes up to me Saturday morning before our visit and randomly asks, “What are we doing for lunch and dinner today?”  The simple fact she’s asking this is out of character for her.  Sometimes if she smells something cooking she’ll ask, but never two meals ahead.

I said, “Well, I was wondering too. What do you think?”

She says, “We should do grilled cheese for lunch!”

“No way! That’s what I was thinking,” I said, “What do you think about dinner?”

“What about spaghetti?” she said.

“What?! No way!  That’s what I was thinking!”

She was so surprised! She later told Emma the whole story and couldn’t believe we had been thinking the same thing.  I couldn’t either.

I made the spaghetti and he had 3 helpings.  Even Lexi said, “This spaghetti is really good tonight.  What did you do different?”  (I had cooked the meat ahead and of time and used extra, if anyone wants to know.)

When we got back to his foster parents, I mentioned that he ate 3 helpings and she said, “Oh yeah, spaghetti is one of his favorites.” Of course it is!

Now, if all that is not enough, here is the kicker.  I had forgotten about one day while journaling I was thinking about adding a 5th member to our family and how he could break the tie for our family disputes.  Often, 2 of us would want one thing and the other 2 another.  We would say we needed our little boy so he could help us decide.  This often happens with spaghetti.  Emma and I like it and Scott and Lexi are never thrilled. So, in my journal, almost as a joke, I wrote this on July 8th:

“I really hope he likes spaghetti so he can convince us to have it more :)”

Like, what?!

He calmed my worries about the meals, got Lexi involved so she could see God at work, let him have one of his favorite meals, and mine too, and flat-out fulfilled my desire I wrote in my journal weeks ago.

I mean, it’s so insignificant, almost silly, and yet God was paying attention to work all that together.  God can use anything he wants, any time to bring glory to himself and yet at the same time, satisfy the desires of his children.  He’s so awesome.

And guess who’s having spaghetti more often?? Pass the parmesan, please!

penywise on freeimages

Yesterday after reading my post, the Lord gave my mom this passage from Isaiah 40 and she passed it on to me.

27 Why do you complain, Jac0b?
    Why do you say, Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord;
    my cause is disregarded by my God”?
28 Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

The point God is trying to make with me yet again is that he’s God and I’m not.  He’s so much bigger than I can even comprehend.  Once again he confirms that he hears my worries and concerns.

The reality is God has allowed this child to come to this point and has clearly directed our family to this point.  For as far as we can tell right now, we are meant to travel together from here.  And I don’t have to figure the whole journey out.  God is clear–I am to hope (or wait) on the Lord and that is how our strength will be renewed.  We will soar and run.  Not hobble along.  God cannot lie and he promises that we will soar like an eagle when we hope in him.

Our pastor this Sunday preached on Psalm 23 and as familiar as that passage is to everyone, it was such a good reminder that we are nothing but sheep.  We have no idea what we’re doing and God knows that. But, he is a gentle Shepherd that is with us at all times and will guide us every step.   Psalm 119 says his word is a light unto my path.  We get to know the next steps, not the whole journey. Today I do not need to worry about our home visit this weekend.  Today, I need to buy him a soccer ball for our visit tomorrow. That’s it.  One day at a time.

I know some of you are facing your own journey that is big and scary and you’re trying to figure out every single step and every single scenario.  Let us all be reminded to hope in him. He’s the one with all the wisdom and power and strength.  I was listening to Logan Wolfram on a podcast this weekend (I know, I’ve been listening to a lot lately) and she said if we’re following God for every step, we will never miss out on what God has for us.  Never.  I love that and I hope it encourages you too.

lightstock.com

Yesterday I spent some time going back through old posts here and some old emails, piecing together our adoption timeline.  It’s been about 5 years now since we really started thinking about adopting so I’ve lost the details of what has happened.  I’m so thankful that I’ve been documenting the process because otherwise I believe I would have missed some things that God has done along the way.

We’re in an interesting time right now as we are probably in the final days of our wait.  I listened to a podcast last week on the way to work and the guest speaker of the podcast was talking about how she has learned that waiting is right where God wants us.  Looking back, I agree. I have seen these past years have been an opportunity to grow my faith.

It is one thing to get an idea to do something and then have to wait until you can make it happen.  It is an entirely different thing when you feel that God has laid something very specific on your heart and then you must pursue it and wait until he works out all the details.

I have not waited very well at times.  In one of the emails from January 2013, I told someone that oftentimes I have felt like we made up this whole adoption thing—that it was really a desire of our hearts and not of God’s—and therefore it just wasn’t working out.  We must have been mistaken, maybe selfish.  Maybe we just wanted a son so badly that we conjured up this plan.  I was doubtful that it was ever going to happen.

And yet, there would be times where I could see God working along the way and I would be encouraged.

It reminds me of Abraham and Sarah when God told him at 99 years old that Sarah would have a son in her old age. Abraham literally laughed out loud.  I have to think how many times she must have doubted and wondered if God had just gotten it wrong.

But how much more faith it takes to say I know God will bring this to fruition because he said it versus saying it after it has come to fruition.  Actually, it is not much faith at all to believe something after you’ve seen it happen.  In fact, it is only when we do not yet see it that it is faith.

I wish I would have waited with more faith.

A day after listening to that podcast and before we knew of our match, I wrote in my journal, “I’ve been running into theme lately: WAIT.”  After the failed adoption in May and staring down another potential long wait, I pondered whether God saw the desire of my heart to see the adoption through. This wait word continued to lay on my heart.  I began to look up verses about waiting.  The first verse that came to mind was Isaiah 40:31 Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength.

Isaiah 64:4 says He acts on behalf of those who wait.

Isaiah 30:18 says  Blessed are all who wait for him.

Romans 8:25 says If we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

I kept going and wrote down all the ways we are supposed to wait:

expectantly

quietly

patiently

with hope

eagerly

It’s almost a contradiction to say you should wait eagerly while also being patient and quiet.

I think it’s the picture of knowing in your heart that he is going to do what he says he’s going to do so your heart is full of hope and eager to see it come to fruition, but as we live that out, we are patient, not anxious, wondering where in the world God is.

I also wrote down that God has an appointed time for what he wants to do. I underlined appointed.  Our timing is just not his timing.  He knows what he’s doing and will not be rushed.

And did you know, the very next day after writing this we found out we were matched?

I believe God needed to give me that very clear lesson on waiting so I could sustain this last month.  Even though it seems a short time to say he will be placed with us within a month, right now every day feels like an eternity.

And yet, every single day, God has been giving me a little sign to say I’m still here, I’m still working, you’re on the right path.  It is a chance to see God moving if I choose to.  Once we know everything and he’s placed, our hopes will be fulfilled and we can say He was faithful, but right now, our faith in him has a chance to grow.

And so, even though we are so anxious to learn more about him and meet him and spend time with him, I am actually enjoying these last days of waiting.

And so, I wonder if there are any of you that are waiting?

I know I have other areas of my life where it seems that the wait is eternal.  It’s easy to want to shake your fist at God and say where are you?  Don’t you hear my prayers?  Aren’t you going to do something?

Let’s take hope. God does act on behalf of those who wait for him.  Wait patiently.  Wait eagerly.  Wait with hope.  Let your faith grow.  Say now that you know God is working towards his appointed time and you eagerly await the day you’ll see it.  Go ahead and thank him for the ways he’s working that you do not see.  Go ahead and thank him for how he’s going to move on your behalf.

See the wait as a gift of faith.