Archives for 2012

I realized as I was writing my post Friday sitting in our van on the way to Maryland that the incident at Sandy Hook Elementary was happening.  Time should have stood still and we all somehow should have been alerted to the evil being carried out and stopped it.

We continued this weekend to our destination and carried on with dinners and games and present exchanging.  We laughed and told stories and hugged and enjoyed each other.  We discussed gun control and mental health and yes, even cried over Friday’s events. 

I kept wanting time to stand still and let me grieve but life keeps going.

My grief pops up in the crevices.  I cried going to sleep after a long day traveling on Friday. We’d have the news on in between parties and I’d start thinking about the little kids and I’d nearly vomit.  This morning on the way to work I was wiping tears listening to a teacher talking about her students questions about it.  Back at work, I was at our quarterly meeting and sometimes I’d find myself staring off into space trying to wonder just how this was allowed to happen and what it might be like to experience it myself.

Life keeps going and I can’t stop it. 

We’re all grieving in the crevices of our lives.  Some of us, though, are experiencing nothing else but grief. My friend, and reader of this site, was directly impacted by one of the children’s deaths.  The grief wells up in me even as I type this.  They can’t grieve in the crevices because life for them has indeed stopped.  For those families, I especially grieve their loss and please know our hearts are with you even as life swirls around us.

I can’t help but think those of us with faith are questioning. I don’t have all the answers but I did have a glimpse of something that gave me the tiniest sliver of hope this morning.

I was listening to the radio and a teacher called in and requested a certain song because she’d had a bad day.  The radio host asked if it was related to Sandy Hook and she said yes.  When she got to her school yesterday all the kids wanted to know if she loved them like those teachers loved and protected those kids.  She said many of her students are from low-income families and just don’t have the reassurance at home others do.  One kid though piped up and said, “You love us like Jesus loves us.”  She was touched and said, “Yes, I would die for you just like Jesus died for you.” 

The gospel is being shared because of this.  Hope springs up that something good would come from something evil.

God just whispered and reminded me that he knows what it’s like to lose a son.  And not just from random violence, but an intentional plan to send him into a world with the intent for him to die.  But it was not in vain.  He was meant to save the world. 

God is in the business of redemption. 

I have to believe God only allows pain, evil and sin when he can redeem it.  He allowed sin in this world because he knew Jesus could redeem us.  He allows pain in our life when he knows we can be redeemed.  And I have to believe he allowed that evil at Sandy Hook because He can redeem. 

He can make good of evil.  He can take death and sin and use it for his good.  Those kids are safe in His arms, those parents and families are hurting but God is there to comfort and provide peace because he knows what it’s like to give up a child.  People are turning to God when they otherwise wouldn’t and hearing the gospel. 

Jesus didn’t stop his own death because he knew it would benefit all of us.  Perhaps he allowed their death to save another one of his children.  I shake on the insides when I go down that path but I have to believe God is still good and their deaths are not in vain.  I’d give anything to erase Friday but my hope lies in the belief that God will redeem if we allow Him.

I’m so thankful for the blogging world when there’s an event where we’re all affected. The writing and reading help me process.  Here are a few other posts that helped me.

Life continues, my writing here will continue but we all can agree that Sandy Hook’s impact and memory continues and will live in the crevices of not just our lives, but our hearts.

I was thinking back to childhood and trying to remember what giving—to missions, specifically—look liked.  Only two things would come to mind.

One, I remember seeing commercials about the poor, starving children in Africa.  They were a generic group of people parents called upon when you wouldn’t eat your dinner.  “There are starving kids in Africa and you can’t eat your food!” In order to help these kids, you had to dial an 800 number to give, much like you would to order just about anything else at that time. 

Two, I remember filling random jars, baskets and what nots at church full of change for the missionaries.  Missionaries were a faceless and likely nameless group of heroic people that traveled across the world to generic places far away.  We didn’t know who these people were but we were very happy they were going to help the poor starving African children who we rarely helped because we didn’t want to call the 800 number.

Fast forward some years and the landscape of giving to missions has radically changed.

Now, thanks to the Internet, I can rattle off names of organizations that are going into all parts of the world helping in all sorts of ways.  I know the names of many missionaries.  I know what they look like, I know their families, I know their stories.  I’ve seen faces and know names of people in need. I’ve seen videos of their houses and their communities.  I’ve even watched live feeds from all over the world from short-term missionaries.  I’ve read and listened to story after story of all sorts of peoples in all sorts of parts of the world with all sorts of needs. 

It’s overwhelming, to be honest.

But the good news is another key element has changed. 

While our information about missions has skyrocketed, the difficulty of giving has plummeted.  With just a few clicks of a button you can make a difference.  You don’t have to scramble to write down an 800 number, you don’t have to wonder where your money is going, you don’t have to take the time to make a phone call, you don’t have to talk to a stranger, you don’t have to wonder where your money went.  I don’t have to convince you that online giving is fantastic but isn’t it crazy to think about that just 10 or 15 years ago that wasn’t the norm?

The hard part now is deciding which link to click. I know, I get it.

As you decide this Christmas season, might I humbly suggest once again that you consider giving to Compassion?  If there is one organization that has given me a glimpse into the need across the world along with the solutions they’re providing, it is Compassion.   I love the work they do, I trust them and I know that all our clicking and giving will not be in vain.

Balance.

I’ve read more than one blog post about it.  We’re all trying to find balance in our life. 

Don’t work too much, but a little is ok.  Don’t eat too much ice cream, but a bowl is fine.  Don’t watch too much TV, but a little is good for you.  Don’t spend too much outside your home, but a coffee date every once in awhile is great.

While all of that is probably true, I realized that I’d transferred that over to my relationship with God.

When I was caring too much about TV, I must not care too much about God right now.

If I found myself thinking about fashion a lot, God must be on the back burner.

If I was reading too many novels, my quiet time must be lacking and I wasn’t meeting with God enough.

The balance for me was either-or.  God was on one side and everything else was on the other.

To be truly spiritual, the teeter totter would be full tilt towards God and I’d leave the rest of it behind.  Then. THEN, I’d be a great Christian.

I’ve been called balanced a time or two and frankly, it always bothered me. Shouldn’t I be a Jesus Freak?  Shouldn’t I leave it all behind?  I’m not ok with being “balanced”, I wanted the pedal to the medal for Jesus.  Forget balance!  I want to give it all to Him, leave the world behind!

But I think God’s been showing me a new way.

My Christianity ought to be more like the tallest, windiest, funnest (yes, funnest) slide on the playground.  He doesn’t want me to try to balance anything, He just wants to experience life to the fullest with Him.  Experience life from the top to the bottom with Him in all its twists and turns.

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If I’m watching TV, I can appreciate the artistry of the actors, directors and producers and their Creator.  I can cry at the redemption of the character of the end because that’s what God did for me and whisper another thank you.

If I’m putting together an outfit, I can think of that bird or that fish it reminds me of and thank him heartily for providing and inspiring such a beautiful world to exist in.

If I’m reading novels, I can be scared of the villain and remember that Christ is our ultimate protector.  I can weep with joy when two characters finally marry and remember the gift of my own husband God gave me.

I think God’s showing me a glimpse of what this verse means:

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

He’s not asking not to do anything unspiritual, He’s asking us to make everything spiritual.

He wants our everyday tasks and activities AND our spiritual life to be at full tilt, experiencing all of it through His lens.

Sure, there’s a call to stay away from sin and sure, there’s still an idea of balance in our lives–balancing our diets and our work life–but balancing God against the everyday?  Get off the teeter totter and head for the slide.