Amy J. Bennett

MamaKatsLosinIt had a great post today about her top 10 life stories.  You know, the stories that haunt you no matter how old you get and get told over and over.  I figured it was as good a time as any to share a few of mine.

• When I was a toddler one Easter morning, I became inconsolable which was very atypical.  My parents took me to the hospital only to find out I had a straight pin stuck in my uterus wall.  I had emergency surgery and still have a scar about 4” long on my abdomen.  I have to tell that one every single time I see a new doctor.
• I ran into a screen door at my great-grandmother’s house and produced the scar on my chin.
• I decided since I loved tuna so much that I would certainly love tuna cat food. I did not like tuna cat food.
• And speaking of cans of food, one time I was trying to open one and when I grabbed the lid to pull it back the rest of the way, it sliced right through my finger. Blood went everywhere and I probably should have had stitches but if I remember right, my dad was in between health coverage.
• Heather and I got in a fight and I pinched her so hard that she still has a few crescent shaped scars on one of her hands.
• I was in the kitchen cutting something and complaining vehemently about the knife not working right.  I was using the wrong side.  Those triangle tipped ones are confusing!
• I woke up and got ready for school but no one else was up.  I went upstairs and told my parents with force that they needed to get up and Heather needed to get up, we were all late!!  My mom looks at the clock only to find out I had gotten up and got ready at 3am.
• My friends and I were in the Wal-mart check out line and I mentioned the “Eskimopie” (es-keh-moh-pee) candy bar.  Little did I realize it read "Eskimo Pie”.

I didn’t make it to 10 but I’m very sure my family and friends could recall some other ones.

“Just write without worrying if it’s just right or not. For five minutes flat.”

There’s a story I want to tell.  My story.  From six long years ago.  But it’s a story of failure and shame and deceit and lies and a broken marriage.  And it’s hard to talk about.  But I know I need to share my story and I feel the fear shutting me down every time.  But God has bigger plans.  I know it, I feel it. He won’t let me go.  He never lets me go.  He has this plan and he’s going to do what he always does.  Makes beautiful things out of us.  He takes the worst of us and makes it the best of us.  Even kicking and screaming and wanting to forget it all.  He never lets us forget how he saved us from ourselves.  How without him we’d screw it all up over and over.  And it reminds us to stay close.  Stay away.  Stay submitted.  Surrendered. Redemption of our sin does more for us than perfection ever will.  So how can I say no?  How can refuse the Maker when he’s wanting to make something?  I am only a vessel, a piece of clay to be molded. I must remember this.  And write. 

I wrote this as part of theGypsyMama’s Five Minute Friday.  I didn’t pay attention that the prompt was “full” but it’s clear I am full.  Full of story.

It’s been a different week, that’s for sure. It’s been quiet around here. And I don’t just mean my blog.

This week is the annual beach trip for Scott’s family. One of the downsides to being a full-time employee is I can’t just take off whenever I want. I have a set number of vacation days and I have to plan out when I’m taking them. (I KNOW. It’s like a real job and everything!) As a contractor for 10 years, I was used to just saying I’m not going to be here this day and using extra money set aside to handle the loss of income. All that to say: I didn’t get to go to the beach this week. Emma decided to go ahead with my in-laws Sunday and then very last minute Lexi decided to go with her.

So *I* am having quite the staycation. At times, it’s exactly what I need and at others, I’m downright bored and a little lonely. I’ve stayed busy, busy getting some things done that I never have time to like cleaning the oven and finally moving all my bathroom stuff over to the new bathroom. I am definitely enjoying the freedom to do what I want when I want and also don’t find myself guilty over being gone at work all day. However, cleaning the oven is really not too fun overall. I guess maybe I should have just parked myself in front of the TV or book and refused to move to really get some rest. I will do that some tonight. The thing I’m most excited about is heading out to see Beth Moore last minute tomorrow night since the kids will be gone. I hope to be fully refreshed when they get home this weekend!

Tomorrow is our big Department of Health inspection for the adoption so say a prayer about 10am! God already performed a small miracle by getting Scott to finally agree to put his guns and bullets in two different locked locations. I finally had to half-yell things like “THEY DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE A POLICE OFFICER! IF A KID WANTS TO USE A GUN HE WON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE A BADGE! IF YOU DON’T WANT TO DO THIS, WE DON’T HAVE TO ADOPT! YOU REALIZE YOU’RE JUST MAKING THIS HARD FOR ME WHEN SHE DOES THE INSPECTION!” Holy cow. Other than that, I think we’re pretty compliant unless they get extremely picky but obviously we could use some prayer 🙂 Hope you’re having a great week!

I started The Me I Want To Be, on my birthday eve last night.  And this paragraph seemed to really resonate with me.

Here is the good news: When you flourish, you become more you.  You become more that person God had in mind when he thought you up.  You don’t just become holier.  You become you-ier.  You will change;  God wants you to become a “new creation.” But “new” doesn’t mean completely different; instead it’s like an old piece of furniture that gets restored to its intended beauty.

I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to be a me that really is a them.  In childhood, my parents; in teenagehood, my friends, or those I wanted to be my friends; in my 20s, a me that was a different me.  I think in my 30s I’m really starting to understanding what it means to be God-driven you-ier.  I don’t have it all figured out, but so far, I like my 30s a whole bunch more than I thought I would.

It turns out a lot of becoming me is not about me at all.  Back at Catalyst I signed a card that my birthday gifts would go to Charity: Water.  I’ve made a donation for my birthday and have a campaign page set up. It’s a lofty goal, but I’d love to provide 33 people with water for my 33rd birthday.  That’s $660 to raise.  Consider donating to my birthday page here and set up your own birthday campaign while you’re there.

So here’s to another year of becoming you-ier.  Thank you for taking this ride with me.