Amy J. Bennett

When to Leave the Balance Behind

December 7, 2012 by Amy 6 Comments

Balance.

I’ve read more than one blog post about it. We’re all trying to find balance in our life.

Don’t work too much, but a little is ok. Don’t eat too much ice cream, but a bowl is fine. Don’t watch too much TV, but a little is good for you. Don’t spend too much outside your home, but a coffee date every once in awhile is great.

While all of that is probably true, I realized that I’d transferred that over to my relationship with God.

When I was caring too much about TV, I must not care too much about God right now.

If I found myself thinking about fashion a lot, God must be on the back burner.

If I was reading too many novels, my quiet time must be lacking and I wasn’t meeting with God enough.

The balance for me was either-or. God was on one side and everything else was on the other.

To be truly spiritual, the teeter totter would be full tilt towards God and I’d leave the rest of it behind. Then. THEN, I’d be a great Christian.

I’ve been called balanced a time or two and frankly, it always bothered me. Shouldn’t I be a Jesus Freak? Shouldn’t I leave it all behind? I’m not ok with being “balanced”, I wanted the pedal to the medal for Jesus. Forget balance! I want to give it all to Him, leave the world behind!

But I think God’s been showing me a new way.

My Christianity ought to be more like the tallest, windiest, funnest (yes, funnest) slide on the playground. He doesn’t want me to try to balance anything, He just wants to experience life to the fullest with Him. Experience life from the top to the bottom with Him in all its twists and turns.

slide image credit

If I’m watching TV, I can appreciate the artistry of the actors, directors and producers and their Creator. I can cry at the redemption of the character of the end because that’s what God did for me and whisper another thank you.

If I’m putting together an outfit, I can think of that bird or that fish it reminds me of and thank him heartily for providing and inspiring such a beautiful world to exist in.

If I’m reading novels, I can be scared of the villain and remember that Christ is our ultimate protector. I can weep with joy when two characters finally marry and remember the gift of my own husband God gave me.

I think God’s showing me a glimpse of what this verse means:

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

He’s not asking not to do anything unspiritual, He’s asking us to make everything spiritual.

He wants our everyday tasks and activities AND our spiritual life to be at full tilt, experiencing all of it through His lens.

Sure, there’s a call to stay away from sin and sure, there’s still an idea of balance in our lives–balancing our diets and our work life–but balancing God against the everyday? Get off the teeter totter and head for the slide.

Adoption Update – The Wait

December 6, 2012 by Amy 2 Comments

Source: kathychiu.tumblr.com via Amy on Pinterest

For a few months after we were approved this Spring, nothing happened. We weren’t reaching out to many agencies as we assumed DSS might be doing the search work. DSS was mum.

In July, both of us were getting antsy and we both decided to do some serious online searching. I ran into this little 6 year old guy from SC’s DSS system. He has short blonde hair and a big ‘ol grin in his picture. My first thought is he reminded me so much of Scott. I haven’t seen a lot of pictures of when Scott was little but it’s how I imagine him to be. He’s more of a miniature, present-day Scott with his polo shirt and khakis cargo shorts.

I mentioned in my last post that Lexi was having a hard time with the idea of adoption and while that’s still true to some extent, the minute she saw this little boy, she said, “Yep, let’s get him tomorrow.” Emma felt the same. All of us felt the same. It seemed like he just felt right for us.

I emailed and called DSS to try to get some more information. It took weeks but we did get limited information. I’m not sure what I can share and what I can’t so I’ll err on the cautious side. All I’ll say is nothing was going to happen soon.

It’s December, five months later, and still nothing has been decided. They’re currently reviewing home studies to see what family might be a good match. We have no idea how seriously we’re being considered. We just know our name is in the hat and we’re waiting.

I still have great peace about the timing. I don’t set goals like “I hope he’s home for Christmas” type thing. I mean, that’d be GREAT, but I don’t set expectations in my mind. The wait right now is not hard for me.

But let me confess, I probably know why.

I still get a ~~little~~ scared to death when I think about our life getting turned upside down. I think about little things like having to go to two rooms to say goodnights and having to ask for a table of 5 instead of 4 and having to find yet another pair of shoes in the mornings and what if he’s violent towards my girls and what if he hates us and what if I have to lock up the knives. Yeah, my mind goes there. And the thing is, I think it’s all normal. Much of the anxiety is the same as any parent would experience during the wait of a new child.

I think about Mary at this time many years ago waiting for her own little boy. She was expecting the Savior of the world. I can’t imagine the anxiety she might have about how that might work out. No matter what, your first born can induce loads of anxiety but the Messiah too? After the angel tells her she will have Jesus her response is,

Yes, I see it all now:
I’m the Lord’s maid, ready to serve.
Let it be with me
just as you say.

Even in our waiting, I’m trying to take the position of Mary. Even though times might get hard, I’m here to serve and do as God has called us. So I just breathe deep and remember God is with us and he’ll lead us through whatever we’re given.

I still ask for your continued prayers, for us and for him. No matter what, a little boy has lost his family this year and my heart is breaking for him. I’ve been praying especially that God would protect his mind and heal his heart. Pray for his current foster family, the DSS workers as they place him and his future family.

What I Wore Wednesday 12.5.2012

December 5, 2012 by Amy 12 Comments

Today’s the day I share my outfits from the week with The Pleated Poppy’s What I Wore Wednesday. I pair my outfits with inspirational photos. Read more about that here.

Fellow small-grouper Jenny and I were laughing that we had the same jacket last week. I realized we were both wearing blue too, so I just had to snap a picture and use it for this week’s WIWW!

Source: jchayward.com via Amy on Pinterest

I definitely was channeling Cyndi with this outfit. If you don’t read her blog, she’s great and you should! She has a very classy but trendy look!

Source: flickr.com via Amy on Pinterest

This was my Christmas-ish outfit for the town parade. I thought I might be cold so I tried out some warm boot socks with my boots. Shh, don’t tell anyone but I borrowed Scott’s boot socks. I keep meaning to buy myself some but never think of it.

Source: flickr.com via Amy on Pinterest

I can’t get enough of my bubble necklace.

Source: blog.patulrichphotography.com via Amy on Pinterest

Wow, so it looks like I was inspired by birds this week! Amazing when I find a theme and didn’t have any idea when I was picking my outfits out.

So at this point in the week (and compiling this post as I do it through the week), I finally broke down and bought a few items at Target. I tried something new and took my phone in the store with my Pinterest Inspiration board open. I was holding the phone with Pinterest pulled up to see how I might pair colors together. I was having so much fun.

I *love* how this outfit turned out. I would never have put these items together before. Some people would say I don’t match but it makes me happy and that’s not something I could always say!

Source: birdsinfocus.com via Amy on Pinterest

Matthew 6:26 Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

Question: What would you guys think if I posted a picture next week and challenged us all to find one outfit for the next week inspired by that picture? Then, if you wanted, you could snap a picture and email it to me and I’d share it? I think it would be super fun but it’d be up to you guys. Let me know!

Give Me a Moment

December 4, 2012 by Amy 4 Comments

Me, Dani, Joni at a band competition in 2000-ish

One of my favorite Christmas presents ever was a jacket.

I worked hard in school. Really, really hard. These days I look back and wonder why in the world I worked so hard. I think there was some competitiveness in there and perfectionism. Maybe some tall expectations on my part. Perhaps even wanting-to-fit-in-ness.

I was smart in school but I wasn’t one of those that naturally got it. I couldn’t just listen to a lecture, forget to study and still pass with A’s. I was the one studying for hours, crying over my notebooks, trying to memorize every single word.

My hard work paid off in the end though. I mean, I think. I probably could have enjoyed a lot more moments instead of studying, but it literally paid off. I ended up with a half scholarship to the local University based on my grades and SAT score.

I was only a teensy 10 points away from moving my scholarship from half to full though, so we decided I should take the SATs one more time. Sure enough, I improved by 10 teensy points and landed a full scholarship to Winthrop University.

So, for the last Christmas of high school, I asked to get a green hooded zipper jacket with my school’s name embroidered.

Sitting on the couch in my grandmother’s living room, I knew what the big wrapped box being handed my way had in it. If I remember, I wasn’t supposed to know but somehow I had found out. It wasn’t even a surprise when I unwrapped it, but I burst into tears.

Somehow that green jacket validated all my hard work. I was going to college. For free. The late nights studying and worrying and memorizing suddenly were all validated in that moment and that little jacket was like a constant congratulatory hug.

I want to provide that moment of validation for others this Christmas.

For a mom, I want her to know the late night feedings, dirty diapers and constant attention was worth it.

For a child, I want her to know that even when she feels unseen and unchosen, someone still is thinking of her.

For the family struggling to provide, I want them to know all the hard work to provide for their family isn’t in vain.

Compassion is asking this Christmas what the phrase “It’s About Giving” means. To me, giving gifts is about providing these special moments. Moments they realize someone cares about them, someone sees them, someone is validating what they’re doing.

We have the opportunity to give these moments through Compassion’s gift catalog to some people that really, really need a moment.

The cool thing is if you give, I have a chance to give too. For every $1,000 given through these campaign links, a blogger has a chance to give an extra $50 their sponsored child. Oh, how I want to be able to give that!

Would you consider including Compassion’s gift catalog as part of your giving this Christmas? The gifts start at just $4. We can make a difference this Christmas. And not just a difference, a moment.

I don’t normally ask it outright, but please consider sharing this post with your friends and family? I love Compassion and what they do and would love to see this opportunity they’re providing shared.

Attention, Permission to Peruse Subscribers

December 3, 2012 by Amy 2 Comments

Two posts in one day! I have a little bloggy business I need to address quickly. If you are subscribed from a reader or from email, I need you to pay attention!

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If you’re not subscribed, please let me fill you in. You can get my posts in your email inbox every day by putting in your email address on the form in the sidebar under “Subscribe By Email” —>>>. You can subscribe in a reader like Google Reader by clicking here.

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After hearing Darren from ProBlogger at Allume, I finally made the decision to switch from Feedburner to FeedBlitz. There are rumors flying around about Google’s free FeedBurner service disappearing. While others have refuted it, they’ve had issues in the past and don’t offer some functionality Darren suggests. That said, I’ve converted and it may take some work on your part to stay subscribed!

For those of you reading through email, you may have already noticed a little different look to the emails but otherwise, the migration should have been seamless. If you’re not getting emails or want to, use the “Subscribe by Email” form on the sidebar.

As for RSS subscribers, it’s supposed to be migrating RSS readers for those subscribed to the site but if you’re subscribed to Feedburner directly (likely) then you probably need to update your subscription! I’d love for you to switch over to email but if you’re a Google Reader fan like me:

Let me say it in big letters:

Switch your subscriptions from

http://feeds.feedburner.com/PermissiontoPeruse

to

http://feeds.feedblitz.com/permissiontoperuse

If you’re not sure what feed you’re subscribed to in Google Reader, here’s a quick tutorial:

Log into Google Reader
On the top right, click on the Settings button on the far right
Click on Reader Settings in the drop-down menu
Click the Subscriptions Tab
Scroll down to Permission to Peruse. If it doesn’t say “http://feeds.feedblitz.com/permissiontoperuse” underneath, please delete that subscription and then click this to resubscribe –> http://feeds.feedblitz.com/permissiontoperuse

To my subscribers, THANK YOU for letting me into your inboxes and readers.

When Advent Season Goes Awry

December 3, 2012 by Amy 6 Comments

A few weeks ago I decided that I’d try to take our own picture for Christmas cards. We had just gotten back from church, the sun was shining and this bush in the front of our yard was burning this beautiful deep red and I thought it would be a perfect background.

I rustled everyone up, brushed hair, set up the ladder to hold the camera and then set everyone up.

But then we realized there wasn’t a good angle for the bush because our electric box was hidden behind the bush.

The sun was shining SO bright none of us could actually SEE.

Scott was irritable.

And Lexi was in near tears.

Sometimes the best laid plans fall short.

We’re in Advent season and amidst all the tinsel and bells, there’s going to be yucky stuff too.

Pictures aren’t going to come out, parties are going to be awkward, presents are going to be ill-fitting, uncles are going to be crass and grandmas are going to be bossy and tired.

It’s ok, y’all.

You’re not alone in your just-not-right moments and when the sun’s too bright and the electric box is too green and Daddy is irritable, take a deep breath and remember we’re celebrating the birth of a baby Jesus in a stable. It’s not going to be perfect, it’s probably going to be messy but if a baby can go on to save the world from that mess, we can probably move on and be ok too.

Five Minute Friday: Wonder

November 30, 2012 by Amy 8 Comments

Source: hoh1960.com via Amy on Pinterest

He hurts again and follows a path he ought not go. I wonder where is the justice? When will my God follow through of his promise to spite my enemies?

I wonder when I got so hard, so worried about making it right, so incapable of forgiving the 77 times.

I wonder if I’m doing it right. Any of it. Is it pleasing to Him? His will, his way?

I wonder if I’ll ever quit caring about what they think—second guess every decision instead of just letting joy be joy.

I wonder if he will ever be healed. Will his words not ever sting and my attempts thrown in my face. Will I ever stop trying, putting myself out there knowing I will be hurt again, him incapable of returning what I offered.

In all my wondering, I forget it is He whom I must wonder on.

He will provide justice–and more, grace–in His way. He will give me grace to forgive. He will heal, both he and me. He will direct paths.

If I only marvel at him, give him my rapt attention, wonder at the person instead of wandering my own way. Then, the wondering and wandering will cease and true wonder begins.

Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.

Should Christians Play the Lottery?

November 29, 2012 by Amy 8 Comments

Last night was one of the biggest lottery drawings in history. An individual had a chance to get a pay out of over 300 million dollars. By the way, I cannot say that without accenting it like Dr. Evil’s meeellion dollars.

Having that much money scares me to death, to be honest. Too many decisions and responsibility. However, it could do a lot of good for my family and a lot of organizations I care about so I’ve been debating whether or not I should play.

Historically, I’ve blanketed the lottery as gambling and therefore bad. I voted against the SC lottery in the 90’s. However, I then proceeded to benefit from it with the the SC Life scholarship in college. It felt hypocritical in some way even though I didn’t ask for the scholarship as it is based on grades.

As I’ve batted this around in my head, I thought I’d work it out here and perhaps we’d come out with some good discussion.

Reasons against the lottery:

You gamble your money when you buy a ticket. Gambling is bad. Therefore, the lottery is bad.
I know of people whose lives and families are terribly ruined by an addiction to gambling and I don’t want my money to support it.
Contrary to popular belief, money usually makes things more complicated, not easier and it’s not the be-all end-all solution to people’s problems as they believe. Have you seen the horror stories of people going into debt, descending into crime and even being stalked and killed after winning? This is no good.

Reason for lottery:

The state and its residents benefit from the money as I was with my college scholarship. This is good.
Much benefit can be made for the winners of the lottery and those around them. Scott said “Someone has to win, shouldn’t it be us who would do something good with it versus someone else?” Good point, husband.
Even though the lottery can cause addiction, we don’t quit drinking Mountain Dew, eating Taco Bell or taking cold medicine because it has the capacity to do the same. That logic doesn’t stick when you start applying it to other things. Furthermore, 401K is basically gambling your money too and no one seems to have a problem with that.
The Bible is wrought with decisions being made by chance. People often casted lots to make decisions.
Contrary to the belief I’ve held for so long, the Bible never clearly talks about gambling as a sin. Or, I haven’t found one since researching this. Someone please direct me to one.

Given that logic, I still feel up in the air about it. While it can do a lot of harm, it also can do a lot of good.

Let’s see if we can put a wider lens on the topic. While the Bible does not condemn the lottery directly, it does give lots of information on how we should view work and money. Let’s see how those might apply:

Most want to win the lottery so they don’t have to work. The Bible does not look favorably on lazy people.
I know it sounds nice to retire permanently to a private island, but we cannot carry out the Great Commission living a life like that (darn it!).
Coveting is a sin and often, we want to win the lottery to have what others have instead of being grateful for what we already have.
Getting money often makes you more greedy and materialistic, not less. Love of money is the root of all evil. However, money itself isn’t the root of all evil.
Proven: gambling can become an addiction. We should not be slaves to anyone but the Lord.
We are supposed to be good stewards of our money. Is it wise to give money to a lottery where we often will have no direct benefit? Wouldn’t it be wiser to make a direct, personal impact to either our own college savings or someone needy around us? However, we are directed to take care of the poor and needy with our resources and winning could certainly help fund many good deeds.

Given all that, might I suggest it comes down to the heart? Why is that you want to play and win? Is it really to help others or is it rooted in greed, covetousness, laziness or addiction? Are you prepared to steward the money well?

I truly believe God can use any single thing he wants to accomplish his desires and if He leads a Christian to play and win in order to accomplish good, then rock on.

The bottom line is we must check our intent and ultimately, live out the command to live by the Spirit in all things. Did you pray about playing? What did the Spirit lead you to do?

What does this mean for me? I think I’ll be sitting the lotto out until I get clear direction to play.

I do have a very obsessive and addictive personality and I don’t need one more thing to battle.
As much as I say and have plans to help others, I can be quite greedy when it comes to money and I think getting that much would just fuel it.
I believe that much money would just add more stress to my life, not make it easier. Just the thought of someone killing me for my money scares me away. I’ve already been stolen from with what I have and it’s really not something I want to experience in any capacity in the future.
I would rather direct my money somewhere that I know is helpful rather than leaving it up to a group to decide where it might be helpful to me in the future. If you don’t think $2 is a big deal, did you know $1 can give someone water for an entire year?

What insights do YOU have? What did I miss? Why do you play or not? Let’s discuss!