Search Results for: ugh

Jessie’s Feather Story: What Does it Mean if I Don’t Get a Feather?

September 5, 2014 by Amy 2 Comments

Today is a guest post by my friend and blogger Jessie Weaver. She found her feather yesterday after a very bad day, but I love her story because God asked her a very important question before she found it that I think He wants to ask us all.

—————————————————————–

Here is what I know about finding feathers: you have to be willing to look down and see one.

Yesterday morning, I begged God to let me find a feather that day. I needed affirmation that He saw the difficulty we are going through with my daughter starting kindergarten. That He knows my heart is bruised and needs a coating of His Jehovah Rapha love. And I believed, with all of that sullen heart, that He could and would provide a feather.

And yet, I found myself a few hours later, realizing I never took the time to look down. I exited the house with my 5-year-old and toddler in tow, buckled them in the van, and then realized I had a flat tire. We borrowed a car from someone else in our building, took my daughter to school, had AAA come to put on the spare, drove to the mechanic to get the tire patched, and then finally made it to my MOPS group, an hour late. I rushed around, the squirmy toddler leaving me little focus.

But then it was the afternoon and I mused that God could only have shown me a feather if Joshua (17 months) had stuffed it into his little mouth.

Hours later, after what seemed like the longest day in history, I was able to be by myself for a few minutes after I got Libbie from her bus stop. I let her go down into the apartment and walked around our building, praying and trying desperately to feel God’s leading.

“Would it mean I loved you less if I didn’t give you a feather, dear one?” He asked me.

“No, God. But please … I need to know You are here.”

Defeated, I began walking back the way I had come. And right there, sticking up out of the soft grass like a flag, was the feather.

I can choose what to look for. I can look for inconveniences, reasons to be upset, ways my kids and husband have messed up – ways I have failed myself. I can look at the toy-littered floor and only see crumbs and mess and how my back hurts and I can’t pick it all up again.

Or I can see blessings, ways to thank God in every moment. His sacred presence sweeping through the mundane places in my everyday. Tiny blonde curls and a winkled nose as the toddler smiles at me. Food in our refrigerator, living in a natural wonderland, with the river running close, the trees abundant with wildlife, the places to run and play full of His glory.

God will give me the feathers. But I have to go out and collect them.

—————————————————————–

I love that God was so gracious to give her a feather, but do not miss what God was telling her. He loves her, and all of us, the same with or without a feather in your hand.

I’m praying for you guys and hope you do keep looking for the feathers and all the blessings in your life!

Thank you so much for sharing today, Jessie. If you have a story and would like to share, please email me!

Feathers and Manna

September 4, 2014 by Amy 7 Comments

I can’t get over how God is continually showing up for people through these feathers. I keep getting messages about how God is showing up in very specific ways for people. More than one person got one feather and discarded it because they thought it was a fluke and then God sent them another one. This is not an accident.

We actually found yet another one in the driveway–Scott’s first one. Now we have all found one.

I don’t know how long God will keep this up, but I do know he is not done for right now. He revealed a phrase that I wrote in Tuesday’s post for me to follow. It is “What is this?” That phrase was uttered by others in the Bible and I believe they are related. I have searched Scripture and commentaries and listened to the Holy Sprit and cnce again, I felt led to speak these words both for me and you.

God is providing these feathers like he provided manna for the Israelites. He is speaking several things through these:

His fatherly care for us to remind us that he is providing for us, protecting us and loving us–He is our covering both for salvation and every day.
To make sure that we know that He is the Lord and nothing that is happening to us is a surprise and it is His work alone, not man’s.
To test to see if we will continually trust him in obedience.
The feathers and manna are simply a symbol of Jesus Christ. He is the bread of life and it is through Him and Him alone that we find eternal life. If this is something new for you, my friend Mandy has a wonderful post about salvation.

Whether you watched or not, read Exodus 16 and John 6 and let the Spirit speak to you.

I hope you are both encouraged and challenged like I am to go to Jesus every single day and receive both his love and direction.

One thing I did not address in the video is that the Lord even instructed the Israelites how to preserve the manna for it to be a reminder for the generations to come. He told them to put it in a jar and put it in front of the Testimony that it might be kept. I plan to do the same thing with the feathers. Don’t you love that God is so attentive to detail that not only would he provide but also help you find a way to remember that he provided? He’s so good!

Keep sending me your pictures and your stories. They are so encouraging to me.

Soccer and Feathers

September 2, 2014 by Amy 6 Comments

One of the very first things our case worker told us about Jac0b was that he wanted to play soccer. If you remember, that’s the reason we bought him a soccer ball and gave it to him at our first meeting. You also might remember playing soccer as a family was one of our first activities together during our day visits.

When he was having his final visits with us, I asked if he wanted me to sign him up as the season was quickly approaching. He seemed a little hesitant and said he wanted to think about it.

After he was placed, one of the first things I followed up on was whether he wanted to play soccer. He gave an emphatic yes!

Tonight, he had his first practice.

feathersoccer1

Y’all, I’m officially a soccer mom! And isn’t he cute in his soccer outfit? That smile!

I know this happens all the time, but it’s so weird to go from not even having a boy to having a boy and playing soccer all within 1 month. I mean, normally there is time to prepare for these things.

I admit, I was anxious about the practice tonight. Scott wasn’t able to go. Would he listen to his coach? Would he participate? What could/would I do if he didn’t? Was this too much too soon?

I should have known better. He’s so great in new situations with new people. He just figures out what’s going on and jumps in.

It was the hottest day of the summer today and besides being a little anxious, I was not looking forward to sitting in 90 degree weather for an hour. I was debating whether to stay or go and if I stayed where I would sit and who I would talk to. The girls were with me and what would they do the whole time? I did not want to listen to complaining the whole time. It’s amazing how I can worry myself into a tizzy.

The practice started and as I said, he jumped right in. The girls and I decided to head down to the snack bar. I figured it would give us something to do and pass the time.

We headed back to the field and there was a bench free for us. We settled in and even took a selfie for Instagram.

All the sudden, Jac0b leaves his team and comes running toward us. I panicked a little. Oh no, here we go. What will I do? Are we done for? Does he hate it already? What am I going to do?!

And then? Then, he gets to us and says, “I found a feather!!!”

I couldn’t believe it. Neither could the girls. Jac0b had a grin on his face from ear to ear.

feathersoccer3

So I hurry him back to his team and take the picture that you see above. Lexi took the feather in her hand and closed her eyes and said, “Jesus, help us find more feathers.”

What you might not see is that while I’m taking that picture, Jac0b is already running full sprint back to us with a second feather. Do you see him smiling?

Are you kidding me? “That’s the feather I just prayed for!” Lexi said.

And it was blue! A blue feather!

So he goes back and gets with his team and a few minutes later, guess what he does? Comes running back to us with another feather!

What? No way! I couldn’t even believe it. A third feather.

At this point, I was seriously wondering if he had found a dead bird and was just plucking off its feathers. And why aren’t the other boys seeing any of these feathers?

But THEN. He comes back with a FOURTH feather–and it’s blue too!

“Stop it! Just stop it!” I yelled as he was running towards us. I couldn’t believe it. I was having a full freak-out on the soccer field sidelines. If I had been at home, I might have had a full on ugly cry moment.

So, Jac0b is laughing and goes back to his team to finish practice.

The weather is just beautiful. There was some breeze blowing in. The sky was absolutely stunning and it was one of the most beautiful evenings we’ve had lately. Every time I felt that breeze, it just felt like God was passing by. The girls kept themselves busy doing cartwheels on the sidelines and Jac0b was doing great with the team.

As Jac0b’s team is finishing up in a huddle, Lexi is looking towards Jac0b and yells, “Jac0b has another feather!”

I look up and there he is standing outside the huddle holding up another feather in his hand. FIVE. Five feathers.

I can’t even explain anything at this point. Like, what is happening in my life right now?

So Jac0b still has to do devotions with all the teams. We’re in a Christian league where they share the gospel throughout the season.

And guess what the devotion is about? A little orphan boy who felt called to go on a missions trip, but he didn’t have the money. The whole point of it was how he needed faith for God to provide for him. I mean, I wish I would have recorded it because it was exactly what I’ve been saying about these feathers.

As the devotion is going on, the girls run to go get Jac0b something from the snack bar because it’s closing up. Emma comes back and guess what she holds up? A BLUE FEATHER. She found it near the concessions stand.

SIX FEATHERS IN A ONE HOUR SPAN.

feathersoccer2

Guys, WHAT IS THIS? Because I’m not even sure what to do with it anymore.

All I can tell you is God is making it abundantly clear that he’s with us. On a night when I was especially anxious about Jac0b, he totally showed up. There’s just no other way to explain it.

He’s growing my faith like never before and I love that my kids are a part of it too.

And it’s not just our family. I had several more messages even today from others that they’re finding their own feathers. And guys, it’s not easy to find a feather! I even went out on the field after his practice just to see if I could find a dead bird or even another feather. Or something to explain it. Nothing. Several people have told me they’ve been wanting one, even looked for one and couldn’t find one. God keeps placing them in people’s paths unexpectedly. It’s so awesome to watch.

But just remember, it’s not about the feather. It’s about a God who sees you, sees your hurt, your worry, your needs and he wants so desperately to love you and provide for you. He’s saying, I’m here, will you just believe it and let me help?

As I’m typing this, I just got another tweet that another feather was found–floating in someone’s room. Holy cow.

So there, I can’t even pretend to be Ann Voskamp right now and tie a little bow on this.

SIX FEATHERS, Y’ALL.

More on Feathers, God’s Message To You and a FREE Printable

August 31, 2014 by Amy 5 Comments

1474629_683030985112092_6248148138296886837_n

Over the weekend, this feather thing did not die down at all (read this and this to catch up). In fact, more people have contacted me telling me that they have found feathers. Scott even had someone stop him while he was out to tell him she reads here (Hi, Lara!) and she and her friend had found one each! It’s so crazy! Two ladies, 8 states apart were both apple picking this weekend and each found one (Hi, Abby and Katrina!). I have zero idea if that has any significance, but it’s awfully cool!

God would just not let this go for me either. I found some more feathers while I was doing some yard work on Saturday morning. I have an entirely different post to write about that.

Through the weekend, God began to recover some memories of a sermon I heard a long time ago about the Jewish traditions and the significance of feathers and wings with the tallit, or prayer shawl that Jews would wear. After some digging and researching, I truly believe that God is trying to speak to us and has some comforting words.

In the meantime, God has been pulling me out of my comfort zone lately and asking me to speak instead of just write. It’s so entirely not in my wheelhouse to speak. However, it was so much to wrap my head around, I’m not even sure I could have written it all.

I know it’s long, but if you have a few spare minutes, please watch this. I’m far from a scholar (give me grace), but God can still speak to you through my stumbling words. He wouldn’t put me through this if he couldn’t!

If you can’t watch, know that God loves you so much and you are not alone in your struggles!

As a thank you, I created a FREE printable for you. Even if you haven’t found your feather yet, you can print this and let it be your reminder. Click HERE for the download or feel free to pin the image below.

Psalm 91:4

Keep sharing your feathers with me in email or on our Facebook wall and we can all share on Friday on social media with #FeatherFriday.

Remember, it’s not about the feather, but about a God who wants to remind you to draw close to Him in your struggles. He is ready and oh so willing to protect you, love you and provide for you.

#FeatherFriday

August 29, 2014 by Amy 3 Comments

Y’all, something is going on with these feathers.

If you aren’t on social media, I should tell you I had totally forgotten that Jac0b had been collecting feathers at his foster home. Can you believe that? We now have a legitimate collection. And do you know notice the blue theme? It happens to be Jac0b’s favorite color and his birthstone.

Since Wednesday, several people have posted to my wall, tagged me on Instagram or have texted me and let me know they have also found feathers. And it’s not like they’re going out and looking for them. My friend Sarah said for the first time in 5 years of living at her home, one was lying on the ground right in front of her car door. My friend Beth said she found one right in front of the door at work. My sister-in-law found one INSIDE the door at work. It’s like God is placing these feathers right in their paths. And I’ve noticed a pattern with many of them–it’s when they are coming and going to and from work.

I believe he wants to remind not just me that I’m loved and provided for, but also these ladies too! The point is not the feathers. The point is God is talking to us!!

So, let’s make this a thing, feel free to share during the week, but if you’re on social media, use the tag #FeatherFriday and we can all see the feathers together in one day. If you don’t have social media, I’ll be glad to post for you!

Scott and I had to go to the Apple store today (Friday) to get his iPhone battery replaced under warranty today. Of course, we had to swing into Cheesecake Factory for lunch and I did some window shopping. There, in Pottery Barn, I stopped in my tracks when I saw this display.

Pottery Barn doesn’t know it, but even they are on board with #FeatherFriday.

Apparently feathers are a thing right now because they had this pillow for sale.

I couldn’t not get it. I mean, really, I NEVER buy anything at Pottery Barn, but I had to have this one.

Oh my goodness, it is perfect in my living room. Seriously made for our house. You can’t tell in the picture either, but it has lots of blue in it.

Thanks to all your suggestions, I’m going to get a shadow box hopefully this weekend to display the feathers we have found as a family. I love these visual reminders that God loves us and will provide for us right in the space where we are doing life together.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalm 91:4

And speaking of, life was good this week, thanks to some adoptive moms who have reached out and therapists and some good ‘ol hormones acting right. It’s amazing how much good it does to just hear everything is normal and expected. This is a huge transition time for all of us and even though I was a little blindsided by some of our issues, I think I’m in a better place emotionally to handle it. And as God has been using the feathers to confirm, we’re gonna be alright.

Three Feathers

August 27, 2014 by Amy 10 Comments

My fingers are flying across the keyboard this morning. I witnessed a straight-up miracle and I can’t tell you fast enough.

The Lord has provided so many confirmations throughout this process and there was a new one that I began to recognize last week.

On our first visit with him, Jac0b found a black and blue feather in our back yard. He asked that we keep it for him for the next time he was home. Since then, he has found at least two more. We only have 2 trees in our yard and not many around us in our suburban neighborhood so it’s not like we have droves of birds visiting us.

I thought it was just kind of cool until I remembered the significance of feathers for me in the past.

You might remember this post which I detail out this significance, but if not, I will quickly recap.

When I began thinking about what I wanted this space to look like, I completed a practice that Holley Gerth recommends where you pin any picture on Pinterest that feels like what you want your blog to feel like. You don’t think about it too hard, you just do it.

I didn’t realize when I was doing it, but in a consultation, Holley pointed out feathers or wings were a theme, a symbol of encouragement or lifting others up.

Well, when I went to the blogging conference Allume last year and was questioning a lot of things around my writing, I not only won 1 of 10 paintings that artists painted during a session at Allume, it was a painting of a feather.

feather

There’s a whole lot more to this story, but the bottom line is God was saying, I see you broken, I love you, I want to replenish you and call you out for my purposes. You just need to be available.

So, this morning, I just really wanted to share with you how I felt with the feathers and Jac0b that the Lord was still saying this to me, and based on the past few posts, you know how desperately I need to hear this message.

I got home from taking the kids to school and I really felt the Lord asking me not to do my normal exercises but to take Bella on a walk. She stared at me in eager agreement so I went. I was thinking about writing this post and simply asked the Lord if he could possibly send me a feather on my walk this morning. It felt so silly, but I told him I believed he could do it. I would watch and walk. God has provided for me in a walk before, so I had faith he could do it.

So I go around a turn, up a hill and start to turn back. As I was walking back down the hill, normally I would turn left to go back home, I felt the Lord prompting me to turn right. And I felt this message in my spirit: sometimes you have to go to the unfamiliar and uncomfortable places to find God. I never turn right at this place because in the past, there has been a dog that lives down that way that is not so friendly with my dogs. The dog has since moved, but it still feels a little scary to me. It’s ridiculous, I know.

So I did it. I hadn’t found my feather yet and I thought, well, that would be pretty cool if I did find it there.

I turned the corner and wouldn’t you know, almost immediately there was a feather sitting right on the side of the road.

photo 1feather

I literally gasped when I saw it. He had done it! The Lord had provided a feather!

I picked up the feather and felt like I was holding a miracle in my hands. And so I believed even more, we are in an uncomfortable and unfamiliar land right now with this adoption, but if we ask and seek the Lord, he will provide.

So I started back on my walk to my house and I got to the house and I felt the Lord once again prompting me to go beyond my house, where I don’t normally walk my dog. I asked the Lord, really, do you think you can provide another feather for me this morning? It just feels like so much to ask.

I didn’t get another 50 feet and there it was. A feather right in the middle of the road.

photo 2feather

I gasped again. Lord, you did it! Another feather!

I went to turn back to home and still, the Lord was prompting me to go to the end of my road. It’s a big hill down and back up and really, I just didn’t want to go. I thought really, Lord, could you provide even one more feather for me if I go?

Guys, I got to the very bottom of our street and there in the cul-de-sac sat a little baby feather.

photo 3feather

One for each of my three kids.

Listen to me. God is with us. He’s with you. He needs us to be available. He needs us to ask him for help. He needs us to believe that He can provide. He needs us to be aware and attentive to how he is providing. He loves us so, so much that he can provide whatever we need for us to believe this is true over and over and over.

Thank you to those of you who are praying for me. I see Him and I hope you are encouraged that your prayers are powerful and effective. God is so good!

Learning to Trust

August 25, 2014 by Amy 6 Comments

soultga

Last week was hard. We got Some News and we’ve been dealing. But even more than that, we have been trying to get through every day life.

I have no desire to air the details of our dirty laundry, but at the same time, I feel a burden to honestly share what adopting an older child from foster care looks like.

The short of our main issue right now is that Jac0b simply doesn’t trust me. I’m so happy that the bond was formed quickly and strongly with Scott. But, when I am the main caretaker, particularly when he works long weekends like this past one, it makes life not so fun.

Truthfully, I have been blindsided by the lack of trust. I get it, though. He has no reason to trust anyone, especially any mother figure. I guess I just thought our issues would be some sort of behavioral or anger issues totally unrelated to me.

You don’t realize how much your kids trust you until you have one that doesn’t. Simple things like administering medicine is not within the realms of trusted duties. Overall, Jac0b is a super sweet kid who wants to please, but he seems to be simply tolerating me right now. No major outbursts, but it’s clear I am performing the functions of fixing him food and cleaning his clothes and not much more. The bond that he has with Scott where he wants to please him, wants his opinion and trusts wholly what he has to say is simply not there for us yet.

It will come in time, I know. I am trustworthy. He just needs time to learn that. It will be my great honor to earn his trust one day. And I do see moments where he’s reaching out to me. I am trying my best to do the same.

The few incidents we did have this weekend, though, seemed to all trigger some sort of painful memory from my past. It seriously felt like spiritual warfare. I know he had no idea what was going on, but it was like Satan said let’s pick every single painful memory Amy has and let’s have Jac0b say or do something to not only hurt her now, but remind her of that time in her past where it hurt her then too. My junk is coming to the surface. It’s so not his fault, but I felt a little beat up.

On top of this, I had PMS the past few days which always dramatizes everything. It was a toxic mix. I cried for hours on Saturday and in front of friends—which I never do.

We’re getting help. The Lord is sending people to us. I’m making calls to therapists, having conversations and getting a ton of support through the school. Adoption certainly is not for anyone lacking a good support system.

We still feel so much peace that we’re right where we’re supposed to be. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s bad.

I was listening to the book of John Saturday morning and the verse John 1:11 stood out to me like never before:

He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.

I have always passed by that verse without a thought, but I had to pause the recording. It was exactly how I was feeling. I’m putting myself out there to Jac0b. He’s my son and yet, he is not receiving me the way I hope.

I am learning just a tiny sliver of what Jesus experienced.

And what did Jesus do? He was faithful until his work was accomplished even when he was rejected, mocked and beaten.

God has been turning this around and asking me if I trust Him enough to do this. Do I really believe that He is making us a family? Do I trust that He will supply all my needs? I am asking for Jac0b’s trust, but am I giving the same to God?

I am so thankful that God has been showing me over the past years how much he loves me and delights in me. I have been resting in that the past few days. I admit, it’s hard to press in, knowing I could get unknowingly hurt again and again, but it’s the very definition of unconditional love God calls us to and what Jesus modeled for us. The good news is I don’t have to do it in my own strength. He loves me and I am to receive that and love Jac0b with that overflow.

Will you pray specifically that I would be bold in my parenting—to correct when needed, that I would forgive quickly and that Jac0b would begin to glimpse my faithfulness to him?

I know I’ve been single-minded lately and this blog looks a little different than it has in the past. Maybe things will return to normal, whatever that is, one day. But for now, thank you for traveling this road with us.

Praising and Begging

August 21, 2014 by Amy 16 Comments

MaRabelo

I’ve heard of people, that in face of great danger, sacrifice, turmoil or opposition, they praise the Lord instead of complain. Many find it inspiring that someone would have such great faith to actually praise the Lord in terrible circumstances.

I’m beginning to believe, though, that they praise him not because of great faith but because of their need for great faith.

These last days have been hard. New things have arisen. Jac0b is safe. Everyone is safe. No one’s going anywhere. We are more certain as ever before that things are happening as they should. But things have happened–things which I cannot talk about it and I’m sorry to be vague. But I need you to know even though this is exactly right and you’ll see smiles in the pictures, there is more going on. Isn’t there always?

When I have been at my lowest, I have been singing praise because I need to believe. I need more faith that He is good, that He’s working everything out for our good and that He can be trusted. I praise Him because if I do not, I am lost in despair, in grief, in anxiety, and in anger.

My heart is longing more than ever for God to rescue us forevermore from this sin that entangles us. We are all slaves to these feeble bodies. And the consequences are sometimes more than I can handle. I do not want to beg for his coming so others have time to know him, but today I do.

Today I praise and today I beg.

Pray for us?